New York Press: Gratingly Clueless on Piazza

The New York Press recently launched its annual whinier-than-thou slugfest known as the "50 Most Loathesome New Yorkers". Mike Piazza is ranked all the way at #13, but the NY Press doesn't seem to have a good understanding of how baseball works:

But he tried and New York loved him for that. So much so that we were willing to play him into 2005. Hell, for his lousy 2005 year, New York gave him $16 million dollars. But even by 2003 it was clear that Piazza was a terrible catcher.

The joke in gay bars in New York was, what do a lot of gay men and Mike Piazza have in common? They both can't throw a man out going for second base. (At least he deflected the "gay rumors" with good humor and a Seinfeldian "Not that there's anything with that.")

Mike, we stuck by you anyway. New York always had your back. So how did you repay us? You ran away when the going got tough--not for the team, but for you. And Mike, that makes you a selfish baby. Now we're glad, glad, glad to see you go. We hope the door didn't hit you on the way out of Gotham. New York is bigger than any one athlete. We swallow them whole. So when we like you, behave or we will destroy you. Just ask Ed Whitson, Calvin Scharadi, Chuck Knobloch, Charles Smith, Neil O'Donnell and Tim Berra. We will eat you and your young. Piazza knew his contract would end in 2005. He could have gracefully retired. We in New York would have hailed him. Given him a job with a Minor League team or in the front office--and maybe one day he could manage the Mets.

But Mike's ego got the best of him. We even would have let him stay if he learned first base and signed as a part time player for the Mets as a back-up at catcher and first. But no, Mike will not accept aging gracefully. The American League--where he would be a natural as a designated hitter--passed on him and he fled to San Diego to be a "star" again. Mikey, your time has come and gone. You should have retired in 2005 and let us given you the big sendoff. But you are going south to a baseball wasteland and will disappear like Ed Whitson.

Oh boy, that gay joke, har har. (And nice job flubbing the Seinfeld quote.)

But seriously, "ran away"? What idjits. Piazza was in total decline (as even the Press understood) and the Mets wanted nothing more to do with him. You can blame Piazza for a lot of things - such as this - but running away just isn't one of them.

What's more, as we all know, Piazza did try his hand at first base. The Press just sounds hopelessly clueless when they act as though that episode never happened.

Look, I'm not happy to be defending Mike Piazza. I'm glad he's gone, and that he's found a nice, politically conservative city to call home. But when hipster wannabees who think they're such hot shit but actually don't know jack about baseball start spouting off, it really grates on me. Morons.