Just Don't Screw It Up

by Eric Simon on Jul 30, 2008 9:00 AM EDT

It's hump day and I've got nothing inspiring to write about. The trade deadline is 33 hours away and the Mets are in prime position to do zilch, leaving them a talented but flawed team duking it out with two other talented but flawed teams for NL East supremacy. The Mets might make a deal, but it almost certainly won't be for Manny Ramirez or anyone resembling Mark Teixeira in talent or cachet.

The past two days I've talked about the Mets areas of need, so go back and check those out if you haven't already. The bottom line is, as always, this: the best ways to improve are by acquiring low-risk, high-reward types, or difference-maker, superstar types. This applies to free agency, offseason acquisitions, and trade deadline transactions. The worst deal is always trading valuable commodities for middling veterans (see: Zambrano, Victor or Bordick, Mike, among others).

Fans will generally forgive trading impact prospects if the return is something great. Just this past offseason the Mets unloaded a makeshift boatload of talent, but they got a big swinging dick (BSD) in return. They also signed some low-risk guys like Fernando Tatis, Claudio Vargas and Tony Armas, who have each helped out to varying degrees.

Not that there are any BSDs out there, but if an Aaron Harang, Roy Halladay, or someone else of that magnitude became available I could forgive Omar Minaya for trading Fernando Martinez or Jon Niese if it meant acquiring a stud pitcher or hitter. If instead he sent Niese to the Mariners for Jarrod Washburn or Arthur Rhodes, well, eff that ess right in its a.

So with all that mind, some trade deadline Mad Libs. The person with the best responses as judged by me will win some secret swag. Each __________ represents one word, which can be optionally hyphenated.

Mad Lib #1: If Omar Minaya trades __________ for __________ I will __________ __________ my __________.

Mad Lib #2: OMF!! __________ for __________? That would be __________ __________!

Mad Lib #3: I wouldn't make any trades. The Mets are __________ __________, and messing with their __________ would only __________ __________ what they __________.

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Comments

nice liar's poker reference

Michael Lewis is cool even when not writing about baseball.

1: If Omar Minaya trades Jose Reyes for Darin Erstad I will fucking burn my pants. 2: OMF!! Brian Schneider for Brian McCann? That would be totally radical! 3: I wouldn’t make any trades. The Mets are Jeterianly intangibled, and messing with their grit would only completely derail what they accomplish.

Vote change: DePodesta/Acta in 2009!!!

by Greenpoint Ian on Jul 30, 2008 9:25 AM EDT reply actions

Don't you hate pants?!?

by Eric Simon on Jul 30, 2008 11:46 AM EDT up reply actions

Let's see SNY steal that poll

by BobbyV_Incognito on Jul 30, 2008 7:04 PM EDT up reply actions

This is why I love my job

Eric I know you said one word per ___ but, per Ian’s example, names make more sense for some of these, yeah?

1) If Omar Minaya trades MARLON ANDERSON for ANYTHING I will JUMP OUT my SEAT.
2) OMF!! MARLON ANDERSON for A HAM SANDWICH? That would be HIGHWAY ROBBERY!
3) I wouldn’t make any trades. The Mets are POSITIONED PRECARIOUSLY, and messing with their INSTABILITY would only SHORE UP what they NEED.

I pick on Marlon but, hey they guy has been teh suck this year. What’s the point?

'Catsmeat!' he cried. 'I see it all. It was that chump, Catsmeat.'

by Catsmeat Potter-Pirbright on Jul 30, 2008 9:40 AM EDT reply actions

O'mad Lib

If Omar trades HEILMAN, SCHOENWEIS, SANCHEZ, EL DUQUE, CASTILLO for TWO QUALITY RELIEF PITCHERS I will PAY OFF my DEBT.

and mind you…it’s a lot of debt.

"RICH PEOPLE'S WAR...POOR PEOPLE'S BLOOD."

by LOUtheMETandNATSfan on Jul 30, 2008 10:00 AM EDT reply actions

El Who-que?

I am not familiar with this name. Is this a person employed by the NY Mets? Is he someone on the payroll who works, perhaps, in the front office or at Port St. Lucie?

'Catsmeat!' he cried. 'I see it all. It was that chump, Catsmeat.'

by Catsmeat Potter-Pirbright on Jul 30, 2008 10:24 AM EDT up reply actions

As a Mariner's fan, I'll answer one...

If Oman Minaya trades more than B grade prospects for Raul Ibanez & Arthur Rhodes I will buy Eric 2 beers at Shea with my pity funds. (Because you’ll need it.)

Seriously, I have nothing against the Mets (I even like Shea, aside from the 3 bridge tolls to get there), but I think it would be really funny to see the Mariners sink both NY teams’ playoff chances with trades that NYY and NYM both think they’re getting something decent. As long as you make sure the Marlins get in over the Phillies (lingering Philly hatred, y’know).

by Faux on Jul 30, 2008 10:28 AM EDT reply actions

my try

Mad Lib #1: If Omar Minaya trades Luis Castillo for Matt Holliday I will seriously crap my pants.

Mad Lib #2: OMF!! Beltran for Manny? That would be frikin’ stupid!

Mad Lib #3: I wouldn’t make any trades. The Mets are decked out, and messing with their Johnson’s would only distract from what they do.

by mrmet82 on Jul 30, 2008 10:47 AM EDT reply actions

Quick one...

Mad Lib #2: OMF!! F. Martinez for Desi Relaford? That would be wonderfully glorious!!!

by hammy8700 on Jul 30, 2008 10:54 AM EDT reply actions

sarcasm there guys...

by hammy8700 on Jul 30, 2008 10:55 AM EDT up reply actions

my Mad Libs

Mad Lib #1: If Omar Minaya trades Beltran for Manny I will go get my Uzi.

Mad Lib #2: OMF!! Shit for brains? That would be Steve Phillips!

Mad Lib #3: I wouldn’t make any trades. The Mets are pretty good, and messing with their lineup would only show us what they lack.

We've got ourselves a ball club, the Mets of New York town!

by kingcritical on Jul 30, 2008 11:02 AM EDT reply actions

Dooood!

king, you killed me with #2. Love it!

by IanB in MD on Jul 30, 2008 1:00 PM EDT up reply actions

thanks.

We've got ourselves a ball club, the Mets of New York town!

by kingcritical on Jul 30, 2008 1:01 PM EDT up reply actions

#2 rules

I think this might end up being the prizewinner.

by anonymous on Jul 30, 2008 1:06 PM EDT up reply actions

Agreed

So what does kingcritical win, Eric?

by ams258 on Jul 30, 2008 1:41 PM EDT up reply actions

Swag!

Probably a book or something.

by Eric Simon on Jul 30, 2008 11:49 PM EDT up reply actions

come on, guys

I know it’s hard, but following the rules makes it both more challenging and more fun. One word per blank and you have to get a little creative.

We've got ourselves a ball club, the Mets of New York town!

by kingcritical on Jul 30, 2008 11:05 AM EDT reply actions

hey, some of us just arent that clever

your #2 is classic by the way

by kendynamo on Jul 30, 2008 11:20 AM EDT up reply actions

thanks, I'm pretty proud of that one

We've got ourselves a ball club, the Mets of New York town!

by kingcritical on Jul 30, 2008 11:33 AM EDT up reply actions

Mad Lib #1: If Omar Minaya trades FERNANDO MARTINEZ for GRITDOG THE MAD VETERAN HUSTLATOR I will EMBARRASS OMAR BY BEATING HIM IN MAGIC THE GATHERING WITH my DECK THAT ONLY HAS 4 LAND CARDS.

Mad Lib #2: OMF!! MARLON ANDERSON for ROBOCOP? That would be A TOUCHDOWN OF MAGNITUDE PROPORTIONS!

Mad Lib #3: I wouldn’t make any trades. The Mets are REMORSELESS SLAUGHTERING MACHINES, and messing with their INSANE KILLER BLOODLUST would only TURN THE TEAM INTO BIG PUSSIES what they DESTROY ALL BRAVES WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE.

by kendynamo on Jul 30, 2008 11:19 AM EDT reply actions

mad props

1) If Omar Minaya trades himself for DePodesta I will resume backing my front-office.
2) OMF!! Curveball for strike three? That would be Beltran’s albatross!
3) I wouldn’t make any trades. The Mets are Wilpon’s babies, and messing with their ownership would only forever redeem what they Kazmired.

by anonymous on Jul 30, 2008 11:20 AM EDT reply actions

alternate #2

OMF!! Wright for President? That would be a demotion!

by anonymous on Jul 30, 2008 12:36 PM EDT up reply actions

nice work on both.

We've got ourselves a ball club, the Mets of New York town!

by kingcritical on Jul 30, 2008 1:02 PM EDT up reply actions

Mad Libs

1 – If Omar Minaya trades Cohen for Morgan I will consistently cancel my cable.

2 – OMF!! Jeter for post? That would be LOUtheMETfan’s work!

3 – I wouldn’t make any trades. The Mets are crazy streaky, and messing with their luck would only Fernando Tatis what they sample-sized.

by ams258 on Jul 30, 2008 12:21 PM EDT reply actions

FAIL

"RICH PEOPLE'S WAR...POOR PEOPLE'S BLOOD."

by LOUtheMETandNATSfan on Jul 31, 2008 12:19 AM EDT up reply actions

Lad Mibs

1: If Omar Minaya trades Keith for Giambi I will Ground’s Crew my Stache. 2: OMF!! Toys for tots? That would be Hal’s Yankees! 3: I wouldn’t make any trades. The Mets are playoff bound and messing with their mojo would only make’em question what they knojo.

by citislicker on Jul 30, 2008 1:28 PM EDT reply actions

What do words mean, anyway?

Mad Lib #1: If Omar Minaya trades Wayne Hagin for Suzyn Walkdman I will cut off my ears.

Mad Lib #2: OMF!! Pizza for breakfast? That would be hangover heaven!

Mad Lib #3: I wouldn’t make any trades. The Mets are perfecting clutchatude, and messing with their clutchness would only unclutchly clutch what they clutched.

by IanB in MD on Jul 30, 2008 3:54 PM EDT reply actions

Mad With Libs

Mad Lib #1: If Omar Minaya trades ANYTHING for KNOWLEDGE I will COUNT my BLESSINGS.

Mad Lib #2: OMF!! GIULIANI for PRESIDENT? That would be SO UNFUNNY!

Mad Lib #3: I wouldn’t make any trades. The Mets are OVER 2007, and messing with their STREAK would only REMIND US what they DID.

by drags on Jul 30, 2008 4:19 PM EDT reply actions

Angry Libs

1. If Omar trades CASTILLO for MANNY I will AWAKEN FROM my DREAM.

2. OMF!!! ANDERSON for HALLADAY? That would be HIGHLY UNLIKELY!

3. I wouldn’t make any trades. The Mets are PLAYING CLUTCHLY, and messing with their CHEMISTRY would only NEEDLESSLY UNCONSISTENTIFY what they VORP-ed.

by BobbyV_Incognito on Jul 31, 2008 12:23 AM EDT reply actions