I promised myself I wouldn't write another column belaboring the fact that the Mets' bullpen has completely fallen apart. I'll try to keep things brief, because I don't want to reiterate what we already know and, quite honestly, I'd rather think about kittens and butterflies and other things that give me decidedly less agita.

The Mets' bullpen ERA is up to 4.22, which is the fourth-worst in the National League and just a shade ahead of the Rockies, who play in the second-best hitter's park in baseball. Whatever lousy things you want to say about Billy Wagner, if it wasn't obvious before that he was the Mets' best reliever then it should be crystal clear now. I'm not going to confuse causation with coincidence here: I don't necessarily believe that the Mets' relief pitching has gone in the crapper simply because Wagner got hurt and everyone's job got pushed up a rung. I think the timing of the complete and utter meltdown is mysterious and unfortunate.

Aaron Heilman, I guess, has been especially bad. He has three losses and two blown saves in August alone, and though I've always considered myself a fan and a supporter, there really isn't much to cheer about at this point. He picked up a couple of saves in the Marlins series and a win in the Padres series, but otherwise has been dreadful for most of the season (though he had a nice stretch in the middle months there). He somehow has seven relief losses this season, and though wins and losses can often be misleading when used to judge starting pitchers, losses at least do give a pretty good indication of how a particular relief pitcher has fared. I'd still prefer to look at things like strikeout, walk and homerun rates, but Heilman has taken a pounding this year and all of those losses are just an extension of same.

After a week like this I just want to write the Mets off and shift into offseason/football mode. But I can't. I can't because I know they'll come out and win a bunch of games and be right back in the thick of things. I can't, because regardless of how bad the Mets look at times, they're not really terrible, and whatever their faults, they remain competitive in the NL East because the Phillies and Marlins suck just as much as they do. It's a frustrating cat-and-mouse game: the Mets play god awful baseball in an effort to push themselves out of the race and, perhaps, collect some tasty draft picks, but neither the Phillies nor the Marlins have been able to make any hay on their own, sputtering in neutral while the Mets alternate decent and crappy play.

And with all of this as the backdrop, the tired baseball platitudes become even more tired and even more platitudinal. I'd love to say that this next week will be huge for the Mets, but it probably won't be. The Mets could go 7-0 or 0-7 and probably not swap more than a couple of games in the standings. (side note: even as I write this, after having witnessed yet another horrific bullpen collapse at Shea -- perhaps the worst of the season to date -- the Phillies are losing 7-1 to the Dodgers and the Mets will probably end the day the same two games back that they started it). I so desperately want to throw in the towel but the rest of the NL East won't oblige.

And so I'll end with a humble plea to the Mets: if you're going to ultimately crap the bed, do it now, and do it right. I don't want another season that goes down to the wire only to end in despair and whatever the baseball equivalent of explosive diarrhea is. My psyche can't afford another last-day implosion, another horrible collapse, another close-but-no-cigar finish. Honestly, I'd rather you just lose every game for the next two weeks than lose out in September's waning days again. Don't get me wrong: I'd rather you make the playoffs than not, but if it's going to be not, save us the drama and just go out like dogs.