STARRING JEFF GOLDBLUM AS DR. IAN MALCOLM
Fred Wilpon: Thanks again for agreeing to meet with us, Doctor.
Dr. Ian Malcolm: Oh, yeah.
Omar Minaya: Like we told you in the letter we wrote, we feel we have a good team, but our bullpen is killing us, know what I'm sayin'? You read the stats we faxed you?
Dr.IM: That is one big pile of shit.
FW: Well, I don't know if I --
Dr.IM: You will remember to wash your hands before you eat anything?
OM: [stifles laugh]
FW: Now listen here, we have some live arms in that pen!
Dr.IM: The lack of humility before nature that's being displayed here, uh, staggers me.
FW: Omar I told you this was going to be a waste of time. Let's go visit John Kruk like I said.
Dr. IM: The worst idea in the long, sad history of bad ideas. And I'm gonna be there when you learn that.
OM: Guys guys come on. Doctor Malcolm is one of the smartest guys out there. We came here, let's see what he has to say at least, huh?
OM: Okay, good. Now, we feel good about Wagner, other than he's hurt. But the guy who's really killing us is right now is Heilman.
Dr.IM: Oooh, ahhh, that's how it always starts. Then later there's running and screaming.
OM: Exactly. Now, what would you say to Manuel if he were about to call on Aaron in the eighth inning of a close game?
Dr.IM: I would have tied you to the bed.
FW: God Omar, this guy's a freak! Are you listening to him?
OM: You watching the same team I am? I think his answers are making more sense than anything the beat writers are coming up with!
FW: [Glares at Malcolm, glares at Minaya]
OM: All right. Doctor, another guy who's really let us down this year is Sanchez. Any thoughts?
Dr.IM: Must go faster.
OM: Right, right! See Fred? I told you he knows his mierda!
OM: Now I wanted to bounce this off you. Some guys think the real problem is that our starters only go six innings a turn. You think Jerry's on to something with this talk of putting Maine or Ollie in the pen?
Dr.IM: Hang on, this is gonna be bad.
OM: Oh, really? I thought he was on to something. I mean we don't want to just make the same mistakes over and over again.
Dr.IM: No, you're making all new ones.
OM: Interesting. Well while we're on the subject, Perez is so inconsistent, he has this talent but he doesn't seem to put it together. What advice would you give him?
Dr.IM: I'll tell you what you need, a good anti-psychotic!
FW: That's it! I'm out of here! You can stay and listen to this bullshit all you want Omar but I'm leaving. Doctor my ass, this guy's a quack. [Wilpon and Minaya get up to leave]
Dr.IM: It's not your fault. They say talent skips a generation. I'm sure your kids will be smart as tacks.