FanPost

The Lost World: Jurassic Pen

STARRING JEFF GOLDBLUM AS DR. IAN MALCOLM

Fred Wilpon: Thanks again for agreeing to meet with us, Doctor.
Dr. Ian Malcolm: Oh, yeah.
Omar Minaya: Like we told you in the letter we wrote, we feel we have a good team, but our bullpen is killing us, know what I'm sayin'? You read the stats we faxed you?
Dr.IM: That is one big pile of shit.
FW: Well, I don't know if I --
Dr.IM: You will remember to wash your hands before you eat anything?
OM: [stifles laugh]
FW: Now listen here, we have some live arms in that pen!
Dr.IM: The lack of humility before nature that's being displayed here, uh, staggers me.
FW: Omar I told you this was going to be a waste of time. Let's go visit John Kruk like I said.
Dr. IM: The worst idea in the long, sad history of bad ideas. And I'm gonna be there when you learn that.
FW: What?
OM: Guys guys come on. Doctor Malcolm is one of the smartest guys out there. We came here, let's see what he has to say at least, huh?
FW: Well....
OM: Okay, good. Now, we feel good about Wagner, other than he's hurt. But the guy who's really killing us is right now is Heilman.
Dr.IM: Oooh, ahhh, that's how it always starts. Then later there's running and screaming.
OM: Exactly. Now, what would you say to Manuel if he were about to call on Aaron in the eighth inning of a close game?
Dr.IM: I would have tied you to the bed.
FW: God Omar, this guy's a freak! Are you listening to him?
OM: You watching the same team I am? I think his answers are making more sense than anything the beat writers are coming up with!
FW: [Glares at Malcolm, glares at Minaya]
OM: All right. Doctor, another guy who's really let us down this year is Sanchez. Any thoughts?
Dr.IM: Must go faster.
OM: Right, right! See Fred? I told you he knows his mierda!
FW: [Stews]
OM: Now I wanted to bounce this off you. Some guys think the real problem is that our starters only go six innings a turn. You think Jerry's on to something with this talk of putting Maine or Ollie in the pen?
Dr.IM: Hang on, this is gonna be bad.
OM: Oh, really? I thought he was on to something. I mean we don't want to just make the same mistakes over and over again.
Dr.IM: No, you're making all new ones.
OM: Interesting. Well while we're on the subject, Perez is so inconsistent, he has this talent but he doesn't seem to put it together. What advice would you give him?
Dr.IM: I'll tell you what you need, a good anti-psychotic!
FW: That's it! I'm out of here! You can stay and listen to this bullshit all you want Omar but I'm leaving. Doctor my ass, this guy's a quack. [Wilpon and Minaya get up to leave]
Dr.IM: It's not your fault. They say talent skips a generation. I'm sure your kids will be smart as tacks.

This FanPost was contributed by a member of the community and was not subject to any vetting or approval process. It does not necessarily reflect the opinions, reasoning skills, or attention to grammar and usage rules held by the editors of this site.

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