My Anonymous Sources...

by James Kannengieser on Nov 17, 2009 2:15 PM EST

Here is an ode to the totally out of control hot stove. Feel free to add any to my not-that-funny comments.

My Anonymous Source(s)...

...is actually Scott Boras and he's behind on his payments!

...guarantee that Matt Halladay will be a Met in 2010.

...claim that Omar Minaya broke a handshake agreement with Ramon Castro because Ramon gave him the dreaded "dead fish" handshake.

...are familiar with the thinking of people who have knowledge of a league official's inside man.

...say that Fernando Martinez will grow a moustache once he hits puberty.

...routinely misspell Gregg Zaun's first name, but not his last.

...claim that the Mets and Cubs have discussed the framework of a possibility that they might sit down to discuss swapping Luis Castillo and Milton Bradley, but only if certain parameters for preliminary negotiations can first be agreed upon.

...tell us that Scott Boras is so good at his job because he only negotiates in hot, small rooms after eating Chipotle for lunch (with extra beans).

...are outraged (OUTRAGED!) that the biggest fraud in baseball history, Mark McGwire, was hired as Cardinals hitting coach, but are thrilled to see all-around great guy Matt Williams as the new Diamondbacks 1st base coach.

...are trying to find the words to describe Bengie Molina without being too disrespectful.

...just got promoted to head janitor at the Yankees Tampa facility.

...assure us that the Yankees have no interest in signing Mark Teixeira (told to us on 12/23/08)
***UPDATE*** Tex signed with Yankees on 12/24/08

...shot down any chance of Matt Holliday going to the Yankees (told to us on 11/16/09)
***UPDATE*** (Stay tuned)

Ted Berg Twitter Edition

...report that multiple GMs are looking at David Wright this offseason, but only because he's so easy on the eyes.

...just introduced himself to me, thus rendering him pathetically nonymous.

...say the Mets will entertain callers on Jose Reyes, but only because they have a really funny answering machine.

Last, But Not Least, Edition

...are just a figment of my ambitious imagination.

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Comments

Dammit, James

I want…no, need…Chipotle now.

Unfortunately, Connecticut is a terrible state and doesn’t have any.

by The 'Ropolitans on Nov 17, 2009 2:21 PM EST reply actions

My anonymous sources

recommend you invest in some Chipotlaway before you have yourself a burrito.

by JoshNY on Nov 17, 2009 2:23 PM EST up reply actions

RIP Billy Mays

by The 'Ropolitans on Nov 17, 2009 2:36 PM EST up reply actions

ironically I just got back from Chipotle

mmmmm

"[The Giants] beat us down. We were beat by a grown-man team, a team we want to be like one day. They came in here and took it to us. Out-manned us, out-gunned us. ... It wasn't even close." - Raheem Morris, 9/27/09

by cjmulrain on Nov 17, 2009 4:24 PM EST up reply actions

Moe's FTW!!

Beer is good! And stuff!

by R_Adragna on Nov 17, 2009 8:34 PM EST up reply actions

Chipotlaway!

It’s better than BEAN-O!

Oh, the butcher and the baker and the people on the street: wheredotheygo?!?!?

by CharlieH on Nov 17, 2009 2:37 PM EST reply actions

Oh, and...

…nicely done, James.

Oh, the butcher and the baker and the people on the street: wheredotheygo?!?!?

by CharlieH on Nov 17, 2009 2:38 PM EST reply actions

An anonymous source

told me that Carlos Beltran’s mole will wave his no trade clause in order to play for a contender in 2010.

by pricedoutoftheciti on Nov 17, 2009 2:49 PM EST reply actions

another source has told me that his mole’s knees appear to be fine and might likely per chance be ready for spring training at some juncture.

by pricedoutoftheciti on Nov 17, 2009 2:53 PM EST up reply actions

i just laughed out loud.

chyeah.<3

by wrightttxgirlllx3 on Nov 17, 2009 2:57 PM EST up reply actions

But how does having blood-stained underwear help Boras negotiate better?

If there's ever a riot at Citi Field and Oliver Perez was the starter, I started the riot.

by meigs1414 on Nov 17, 2009 2:50 PM EST reply actions 1 recs

Gross

But rec’d

by James Kannengieser on Nov 17, 2009 2:55 PM EST up reply actions

My anonymous source told me ...

… Omir Santos calls a great game.
… Yusei Kikuchi is going to sign with the Mets.
… we are going to trade Mejia for Zambrano.
… Beltran lacks the 6th tool.
… he was abducted by aliens and now he is in the Best Shape of His Life™.

by Michkin on Nov 17, 2009 3:02 PM EST reply actions

My anonymous source

says the Mets are shopping Green but doesn’t think a couple of energy saving bulbs will be enough to afford Holliday.

by Sokojoe on Nov 17, 2009 3:03 PM EST reply actions

My anonymous source told me ...

… the Mets don’t play the game the right way.
… the Mets don’t have enough grission.
… the Mets have no valuable prospects at all, and they should trade all prospects for Blue Jays’ Orson Welles.

by Michkin on Nov 17, 2009 3:09 PM EST reply actions

That trade

would kind of be worth it

by deadspy3 on Nov 17, 2009 3:12 PM EST up reply actions

Zombie Orson Welles

Leading the league in CMARZ, or Cinematic Masterpieces Above Replacement Zombie.

by TedBerg on Nov 17, 2009 3:23 PM EST up reply actions

my anonymous source says

BRAAAAAAAAINS!!!!

by KeithsMoustache on Nov 17, 2009 3:34 PM EST up reply actions

that's ridiculous

there is no such thing as a replacement zombie

I.M. Forme
"When you get yourself into trouble is when you feel you have to do something, and then you get yourself in trouble." --Omar Minaya

by itsmetsforme on Nov 17, 2009 10:02 PM EST up reply actions

Yes there are

They were hired when the zombies went out on strike

by StorkFan on Nov 17, 2009 10:32 PM EST up reply actions

"Zombie eat brains, but zombie cannot swallow this injustice."

by BobbyV_Incognito on Nov 17, 2009 11:28 PM EST up reply actions

haha thats one of my favorite simpsons scenes ever

by KeithsMoustache on Nov 17, 2009 11:29 PM EST up reply actions

"Can't murder now. Eating."

Beer is good! And stuff!

by R_Adragna on Nov 18, 2009 11:41 AM EST up reply actions

My anonymous sources tell me . . .

. . . that trading for Orson Welles will certainly involve a Third Man.
. . . that Orson Welles is a terrible hitter and fielder but is known for his grission, and this trade will certainly start a War of the Worlds between stat-heads and grission-ites.
. . . that my Orson Welles jokes are a Touch of Evil.

Thank you! I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitress.

"He's definitely mixing it into his repertoire. That's French for 'repertoire' " - Keith Hernandez

by Catsmeat Potter-Pirbright on Nov 17, 2009 3:22 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs

Since living in the U.S.

I have had only three unpleasant moments, all of which being fights over tips with barstaff. Damn you, transatlantic gratuity disparities!

by deadspy3 on Nov 17, 2009 3:29 PM EST up reply actions

My anonymous source told me ...

… Orson Welles list of demands includes a palatial estate, one broken snow globe and a sled.

by Michkin on Nov 17, 2009 3:29 PM EST up reply actions

My anonymous source

…says that sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

…considers Matt Holliday “easily” one of the top 10 of the top 5 free agents in the last 10 years.

…agrees with me on several points.

by TheBigStapler on Nov 17, 2009 3:11 PM EST reply actions

My anonymous source

. . .looks back at me when I look in a mirror.

by Mount17 on Nov 17, 2009 3:27 PM EST reply actions

My anonymous source tells me Tim Reddings beard will hold the team hostage

if it is not extended a contract.

by KeithsMoustache on Nov 17, 2009 3:28 PM EST reply actions

my anonymous source lobby me for more dog food

by KeithsMoustache on Nov 17, 2009 3:37 PM EST reply actions

My anonymous source

uses the Force.

Oh, the butcher and the baker and the people on the street: wheredotheygo?!?!?

by CharlieH on Nov 17, 2009 3:40 PM EST reply actions

My anonymous source told me to Trust the Process©.

by Michkin on Nov 17, 2009 3:44 PM EST reply actions

My anonymous source told me...

it’s pronounced anonymous sauce.

Also, my anonymous source is Mike Francesa.

by Bieser's Balk on Nov 17, 2009 3:48 PM EST reply actions 1 recs

My anonymous sources...

are better than your anonymous sources because their five minutes of fame came on blog talk radio.

by Joe D. on Nov 17, 2009 4:05 PM EST reply actions

My anonymous sources...

are positive the Mets will be the only (and ultimately successful) bidder for this fine gentleman’s services:

Yomiuri Giants pitcher seeks Major League contract

Japanese pitcher Hisanori Takahashi announced Tuesday in Tokyo that he has elected free agency, making him eligible to sign with any Major League team.

The 34-year old has spent his entire 10-year career with the Yomiuri Giants of the Japanese Central League. His 10 years of service make him an unrestricted free agent.

In 2009, Takahashi posted a 10-6 record with a 2.94 ERA in 25 starts, leading the Giants to their third consecutive Central League Championship. For his career, Takahashi has a 79-66 record, with a 3.70 ERA and 15 saves.

“It has always been my dream to pitch in the Major Leagues,” said Takahashi, “I made my decision because I believe I can succeed.”

Takahashi’s agent will be Peter E. Greenberg, who also represents Jose Reyes, Bobby Abreu and Johan Santana, among others.

by saberkeith on Nov 17, 2009 5:55 PM EST reply actions

if we keep trying pitchers named Takahashi we're bound to get it right eventually

by KeithsMoustache on Nov 17, 2009 6:01 PM EST up reply actions

Exactly what I was thinking.

"Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O! Wretched mortals, open your eyes!"

by Brooklyn Dodgers Mets Fan on Nov 17, 2009 9:23 PM EST up reply actions

That's good, b/c my anonymous sources say Omar is "in the mix" for several Takahashis

They add he is “absolutely in” on Takashi Kashigawa and is “strongly considering” bringing back Tsuyoshi Shinjo.

by saberkeith on Nov 17, 2009 6:06 PM EST reply actions

i hope he includes a contract for shinjos orange wristbands

by KeithsMoustache on Nov 17, 2009 11:19 PM EST up reply actions

My anonymous source says...

…that Tsuyoshi Shinjo is looking to return to the majors to play ALL positions.

…that Dick Torino’s grit is a sham and that he uses temper tantrums to get everything his way.

…that his legal birth name is Anonymous Source.

…that Jeff Francoeur’s hair and smile can get us Chase Utley.

…that “You’re gonna love my nuts!”

…that the Mets are going to bribe Livan with a lifetime supply of Double Stuf Oreos in order for him to stay the hell away from the team.

Beer is good! And stuff!

by R_Adragna on Nov 17, 2009 7:23 PM EST reply actions 1 recs

That's a lot of Oreos

I wonder how many Oreos you would have to buy in order for the cost to outweigh the negative dollar value (based on translating a negative WAR into dollars) of Livan making 32 starts.

Fangraphs says Livan was 1.7 WAR this year, can that be right?

by JoshNY on Nov 17, 2009 8:21 PM EST up reply actions

Statcorner WAR

Has him at 0.3 (that’s -0.2 with the Mets, 0.5 with the Nats). I like that for starting pitchers better than Fangraphs WAR, pretty big gap there though.

by James Kannengieser on Nov 17, 2009 8:26 PM EST up reply actions

hmm, ok

-0.2 WAR in 23 starts is -.28 wins over 32 starts. That’s -$1.359M at $4.53M/win, which seems to be what Fangraphs used this year. At CVS, a standard sized carton of Oreos costs $4.59, so $1.359M is 296,078 cartons of Oreos. There are 45 cookies per carton (no, I didn’t know that off the top of my head), so that’s 13,323,510 Oreos.

Livan’s pitching in 2009 cost the Mets 13,323,510 Oreos, and they should buy him that many not to pitch for them in 2010.

Damn, now I want Oreos.

by JoshNY on Nov 17, 2009 8:35 PM EST up reply actions