My Anonymous Sources...
by James Kannengieser on Nov 17, 2009 2:15 PM EST
58 comments
Here is an ode to the totally out of control hot stove. Feel free to add any to my not-that-funny comments.
My Anonymous Source(s)...
...is actually Scott Boras and he's behind on his payments!
...guarantee that Matt Halladay will be a Met in 2010.
...claim that Omar Minaya broke a handshake agreement with Ramon Castro because Ramon gave him the dreaded "dead fish" handshake.
...are familiar with the thinking of people who have knowledge of a league official's inside man.
...say that Fernando Martinez will grow a moustache once he hits puberty.
...routinely misspell Gregg Zaun's first name, but not his last.
...claim that the Mets and Cubs have discussed the framework of a possibility that they might sit down to discuss swapping Luis Castillo and Milton Bradley, but only if certain parameters for preliminary negotiations can first be agreed upon.
...tell us that Scott Boras is so good at his job because he only negotiates in hot, small rooms after eating Chipotle for lunch (with extra beans).
...are outraged (OUTRAGED!) that the biggest fraud in baseball history, Mark McGwire, was hired as Cardinals hitting coach, but are thrilled to see all-around great guy Matt Williams as the new Diamondbacks 1st base coach.
...are trying to find the words to describe Bengie Molina without being too disrespectful.
...just got promoted to head janitor at the Yankees Tampa facility.
...assure us that the Yankees have no interest in signing Mark Teixeira (told to us on 12/23/08)
***UPDATE*** Tex signed with Yankees on 12/24/08
...shot down any chance of Matt Holliday going to the Yankees (told to us on 11/16/09)
***UPDATE*** (Stay tuned)
Ted Berg Twitter Edition
...report that multiple GMs are looking at David Wright this offseason, but only because he's so easy on the eyes.
...just introduced himself to me, thus rendering him pathetically nonymous.
...say the Mets will entertain callers on Jose Reyes, but only because they have a really funny answering machine.
Last, But Not Least, Edition
...are just a figment of my ambitious imagination.
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Dammit, James
I want…no, need…Chipotle now.
Unfortunately, Connecticut is a terrible state and doesn’t have any.
by The 'Ropolitans on Nov 17, 2009 2:21 PM EST reply actions
ironically I just got back from Chipotle
mmmmm
"[The Giants] beat us down. We were beat by a grown-man team, a team we want to be like one day. They came in here and took it to us. Out-manned us, out-gunned us. ... It wasn't even close." - Raheem Morris, 9/27/09
Chipotlaway!
It’s better than BEAN-O!
Oh, the butcher and the baker and the people on the street: wheredotheygo?!?!?
Oh, and...
…nicely done, James.
Oh, the butcher and the baker and the people on the street: wheredotheygo?!?!?
An anonymous source
told me that Carlos Beltran’s mole will wave his no trade clause in order to play for a contender in 2010.
by pricedoutoftheciti on Nov 17, 2009 2:49 PM EST reply actions
another source has told me that his mole’s knees appear to be fine and might likely per chance be ready for spring training at some juncture.
by pricedoutoftheciti on Nov 17, 2009 2:53 PM EST up reply actions
i just laughed out loud.
chyeah.<3
by wrightttxgirlllx3 on Nov 17, 2009 2:57 PM EST up reply actions
But how does having blood-stained underwear help Boras negotiate better?
If there's ever a riot at Citi Field and Oliver Perez was the starter, I started the riot.
by meigs1414 on Nov 17, 2009 2:50 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
My anonymous source told me ...
… Omir Santos calls a great game.
… Yusei Kikuchi is going to sign with the Mets.
… we are going to trade Mejia for Zambrano.
… Beltran lacks the 6th tool.
… he was abducted by aliens and now he is in the Best Shape of His Life™.
My anonymous source
says the Mets are shopping Green but doesn’t think a couple of energy saving bulbs will be enough to afford Holliday.
My anonymous source told me ...
… the Mets don’t play the game the right way.
… the Mets don’t have enough grission.
… the Mets have no valuable prospects at all, and they should trade all prospects for Blue Jays’ Orson Welles.
Zombie Orson Welles
Leading the league in CMARZ, or Cinematic Masterpieces Above Replacement Zombie.
my anonymous source says
BRAAAAAAAAINS!!!!
by KeithsMoustache on Nov 17, 2009 3:34 PM EST up reply actions
that's ridiculous
there is no such thing as a replacement zombie
I.M. Forme
"When you get yourself into trouble is when you feel you have to do something, and then you get yourself in trouble." --Omar Minaya
by itsmetsforme on Nov 17, 2009 10:02 PM EST up reply actions
My anonymous sources tell me . . .
. . . that trading for Orson Welles will certainly involve a Third Man.
. . . that Orson Welles is a terrible hitter and fielder but is known for his grission, and this trade will certainly start a War of the Worlds between stat-heads and grission-ites.
. . . that my Orson Welles jokes are a Touch of Evil.
Thank you! I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitress.
"He's definitely mixing it into his repertoire. That's French for 'repertoire' " - Keith Hernandez
by Catsmeat Potter-Pirbright on Nov 17, 2009 3:22 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
Since living in the U.S.
I have had only three unpleasant moments, all of which being fights over tips with barstaff. Damn you, transatlantic gratuity disparities!
My anonymous source told me ...
… Orson Welles list of demands includes a palatial estate, one broken snow globe and a sled.
My anonymous source
…says that sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
…considers Matt Holliday “easily” one of the top 10 of the top 5 free agents in the last 10 years.
…agrees with me on several points.
My anonymous source tells me Tim Reddings beard will hold the team hostage
if it is not extended a contract.
by KeithsMoustache on Nov 17, 2009 3:28 PM EST reply actions
My anonymous source
uses the Force.
Oh, the butcher and the baker and the people on the street: wheredotheygo?!?!?
My anonymous source told me...
it’s pronounced anonymous sauce.
Also, my anonymous source is Mike Francesa.
by Bieser's Balk on Nov 17, 2009 3:48 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
My anonymous sources...
are better than your anonymous sources because their five minutes of fame came on blog talk radio.
My anonymous sources...
are positive the Mets will be the only (and ultimately successful) bidder for this fine gentleman’s services:
Yomiuri Giants pitcher seeks Major League contract
Japanese pitcher Hisanori Takahashi announced Tuesday in Tokyo that he has elected free agency, making him eligible to sign with any Major League team.
The 34-year old has spent his entire 10-year career with the Yomiuri Giants of the Japanese Central League. His 10 years of service make him an unrestricted free agent.
In 2009, Takahashi posted a 10-6 record with a 2.94 ERA in 25 starts, leading the Giants to their third consecutive Central League Championship. For his career, Takahashi has a 79-66 record, with a 3.70 ERA and 15 saves.
“It has always been my dream to pitch in the Major Leagues,” said Takahashi, “I made my decision because I believe I can succeed.”
Takahashi’s agent will be Peter E. Greenberg, who also represents Jose Reyes, Bobby Abreu and Johan Santana, among others.
if we keep trying pitchers named Takahashi we're bound to get it right eventually
by KeithsMoustache on Nov 17, 2009 6:01 PM EST up reply actions
Exactly what I was thinking.
"Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O! Wretched mortals, open your eyes!"
by Brooklyn Dodgers Mets Fan on Nov 17, 2009 9:23 PM EST up reply actions
That's good, b/c my anonymous sources say Omar is "in the mix" for several Takahashis
They add he is “absolutely in” on Takashi Kashigawa and is “strongly considering” bringing back Tsuyoshi Shinjo.
My anonymous source says...
…that Tsuyoshi Shinjo is looking to return to the majors to play ALL positions.
…that Dick Torino’s grit is a sham and that he uses temper tantrums to get everything his way.
…that his legal birth name is Anonymous Source.
…that Jeff Francoeur’s hair and smile can get us Chase Utley.
…that “You’re gonna love my nuts!”
…that the Mets are going to bribe Livan with a lifetime supply of Double Stuf Oreos in order for him to stay the hell away from the team.
Beer is good! And stuff!
by R_Adragna on Nov 17, 2009 7:23 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
That's a lot of Oreos
I wonder how many Oreos you would have to buy in order for the cost to outweigh the negative dollar value (based on translating a negative WAR into dollars) of Livan making 32 starts.
Fangraphs says Livan was 1.7 WAR this year, can that be right?
Statcorner WAR
Has him at 0.3 (that’s -0.2 with the Mets, 0.5 with the Nats). I like that for starting pitchers better than Fangraphs WAR, pretty big gap there though.
by James Kannengieser on Nov 17, 2009 8:26 PM EST up reply actions
hmm, ok
-0.2 WAR in 23 starts is -.28 wins over 32 starts. That’s -$1.359M at $4.53M/win, which seems to be what Fangraphs used this year. At CVS, a standard sized carton of Oreos costs $4.59, so $1.359M is 296,078 cartons of Oreos. There are 45 cookies per carton (no, I didn’t know that off the top of my head), so that’s 13,323,510 Oreos.
Livan’s pitching in 2009 cost the Mets 13,323,510 Oreos, and they should buy him that many not to pitch for them in 2010.
Damn, now I want Oreos.
Wow, good job!
I never thought it possible to do the math on such an outrageous amount.
OK Mets, pay the man his Oreos. NOW!
Beer is good! And stuff!
nice
paperwork
I.M. Forme
"When you get yourself into trouble is when you feel you have to do something, and then you get yourself in trouble." --Omar Minaya
by itsmetsforme on Nov 17, 2009 10:04 PM EST up reply actions
I don't think you need to do the math on this one.
The single number of Oreos is going to go in the high thousands. That’ll keep him occupied for life!
Beer is good! And stuff!
I've been inspired to hit up Pathmark for some Double Stuff Oreos
by James Kannengieser on Nov 17, 2009 8:31 PM EST up reply actions
My anonymous source just told me
to buy stock in Nabisco.
by BobbyV_Incognito on Nov 17, 2009 11:33 PM EST up reply actions
The Commissioner's office will block the Livan deal-
-because the Mets already used their Oreos supply to keep Jose Lima Time away from the team.
Personally, I’m old school and I’d hold out for Hydrox.
by madisonmetsfan on Nov 18, 2009 10:24 AM EST up reply actions
Hydrox, eh?
Used to think they were Oreo knockoffs, but I was wrong. They’re the OGs of cookies.
Beer is good! And stuff!
my anonomous source
reminds us that the champagne will taste that much sweeter
I.M. Forme
"When you get yourself into trouble is when you feel you have to do something, and then you get yourself in trouble." --Omar Minaya
My anonymous source
is so good, he’s better than himself.
Oh, the butcher and the baker and the people on the street: wheredotheygo?!?!?
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