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Around SBN: Interview With UMD Athletic Director, Dr. Debbie Yow

A Day In The Life Of Brian Stokes

5:45: Wake up and begin gameday 50-mile jog and stretching. I think today's the day I finally talk to Jerry.

5:50: Finish jog, read the entire New York Times and drink coffee.

6:00: My wife wakes up and starts mocking my pregame preparations. She says at least I played in Tampa. She asks if I seriously thought a team that traded cash to get me would ever let me play.

6:05: Eat my Wheaties. Check if I'm still the 152nd best Devil Ray. Yes.

7:00: My son wakes up and asks to play catch. I accidentally throw 97 again and break his hand. That's the third time I've done that. The insurance company said they weren't going to cover it anymore.

8:14: Finish welding my son's hand back together with heat-vision. Get in the car to go to Citi. Make mental note: remember to talk to Jerry.

8:43:The security guy won't let me in the clubhouse entrance. He doesn't believe I'm actually on the team.

8:56: Sean Green pulls up on his unicycle; finally someone to get me in. I ask Sean to tell him I'm on the team. He just stares at me blankly and walks in.

9:11: Wilson Valdez appears out of nowhere in a ninja suit and assassinates the guard. He disappears in a puff of smoke. I don't know why. I walk in.

9:15: Omir Santos has begun selling T-Shirts out of my locker. My stuff is scattered all over the floor. I find my uniform and stash it in the equipment closet. I buy an Omir Santos T-Shirt.

9:22: I pass by K-Rod and offer him a high five. He just stares and turns away. He says something in Spanish to Luis Castillo that I don't understand. I think he just called me Darren O'Day.

9:30: I dress in the equipment closet. They spelled my name 'STOCKS'. That's the closest they've gotten so far.

9:44: Fernando Martinez gives me his spikes to be polished. David Wright walks over, presumably to correct the rookie. Apparently, he wants his spikes polished too.

10:10: I finish polishing the shoes. I notice there's less than an hour until warmups. I go to Jerry's office.

10:13: Jerry, Omar, and J.J. are playing cards in Jerry's office. The pot is bigger than my salary. I clear my throat to get Jerry's attention. He turns to me and says, "Boy, I can't hear Ice Cube over your racket." J.J. adds, "I agree for rap is a respected genre of music that I often enjoy." That's weird. He told me the other day he hates rap. They wait for me to leave. I'll ask him tomorrow.

10:45: Warmups begin. No one will throw with me, even though Sean Green doesn't have a partner. Everytime I ask him he just stares blankly.

11:30: We return to the clubhouse before heading out to the bullpen. Ken Takahashi comes up to me and bows. I bow back. He wants his spikes polished.

12:10: The game starts. I sit with Sean Green under the bench. I think he's started a garden over there.

2:10: It's a one run game and Maine comes out. Jerry calls down. He wants Green and Feliciano up.

2:12: Jerry brings Putz in, even though he wasn't warming up.

2:24: Putz has walked the bases loaded. Jerry calls down and I pick up. He says: "Stokes is sucking wind out there, get Parnell up." I ask him if he means Putz. He says "huh" and hangs up. Weird.

4:11: We lose in extra-innings by one run. I'm the only one left in the bullpen. Nick Swisher pitched the last inning for us.  I'm not sure how that's legal.

4:30: Takahashi wants his spikes polished once more before he goes home.

4:44: My car was towed. Apparently Sean Green reported me for parking in his second unicycle spot. I jog home.

9 recs  |  Comment 26 comments |

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ha

good stuff. I especially liked the darren o’day line, and that takahashi also wants his spikes cleaned.

by wobatus on Jun 2, 2009 11:50 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

My favorite was the Wilson Valdez as a ninja image

Somehow, I can completely picture that being how Valdez is.

"All energy flows according to the whims of the great magnet

What a fool I was to defy him"

-HST

by Mark Himmelstein on Jun 2, 2009 11:55 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

How did Brian Stokes execute a 50-mile jog in 5 minutes?

I will not allow the denigration of the life essence

by GenJackRipper on Jun 3, 2009 12:03 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

he's brian stokes

King of the bling come to lay down the evidence//Not George Bush, L-Millz be da president

by Sam Page on Jun 3, 2009 12:07 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Yes!

It’s everything I dreamed it would be…

"I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf"
-Tug McGraw

by squid92 on Jun 3, 2009 12:04 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

This is hilarious

Same Page you have some funny stuff

St. Louis Cardinals... defying win expectancy since 2008

by vivaelpujols on Jun 3, 2009 12:16 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Excellent work.

We've got ourselves a ball club, the Mets of New York town!

by kingcritical on Jun 3, 2009 12:27 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Wat

This is the greatest thing in the history of evar.

by Eric Simon on Jun 3, 2009 1:04 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Funny stuff. Good job. Next, a day in the life of Jerry Manuel

That one should be simple.

7:45- Wakes up

1:00-4:00 F***s up

10:45- Sleep

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but Jerry abuses the privilege.

by AnthonyR on Jun 3, 2009 1:05 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

12:00 AM

Dreams about Omir Santos

St. Louis Cardinals... defying win expectancy since 2008

by vivaelpujols on Jun 3, 2009 1:44 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

10-10:02- Looks at statistics, such as batting average splits and lefty-righty matchups

10:02-1- Compliments himself on getting rid of Ramon Castro for a AAA pitcher, and fantasizes about how compact Omir Santos’s swing is.

by njmetfan12 on Jun 3, 2009 2:40 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

4:12 - Finds a mirror so he can practice his chuckle before the postgame press conference

"All energy flows according to the whims of the great magnet

What a fool I was to defy him"

-HST

by Mark Himmelstein on Jun 3, 2009 2:44 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Is anyone else annoyed by the SNY commercial

for postgame Mets coverage that shows Jerry chuckling and it says “And of course, Jerry’s postgame comments”? They need to get rid of that now. Shit’s not funny anymore.

by James Kannengieser on Jun 3, 2009 7:42 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

I agree

This whole ‘Jerry is a fun loving, easy going manager’ crap is getting old…fast

by metsman07 on Jun 3, 2009 8:52 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Yep

That’s the worst. I threw up in my mouth when I saw that for the first time.

by jasondg on Jun 3, 2009 11:10 AM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Agreed

The “kindly gangsta” thing wore off pretty quick.

"All energy flows according to the whims of the great magnet

What a fool I was to defy him"

-HST

by Mark Himmelstein on Jun 3, 2009 6:04 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Nice one, Sam

"He's definitely mixing it into his repertoire. That's French for 'repertoire' " - Keith Hernandez

by Catsmeat Potter-Pirbright on Jun 3, 2009 7:35 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

this, i like

other mets should get this treatment. i think a day in the life of oliver perez would be a hoot.

by englishgrey on Jun 3, 2009 8:23 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

LMAO

I love this. Great work.

"And you just don't get it, you keep it copacetic..."

by Blicks on Jun 3, 2009 9:15 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Hilarious!

Excellent!!! That was just hilarious. I loved when Jerry called the pen and referred to J.J as Stokes and asked for Parnell.

STOCKS!!

xoxo
Tina

by Tinathemetsgrl on Jun 3, 2009 11:22 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

My sinuses are angry at the amount of soda they just had to pass through ’em.

Sam Page, I bow down to you.

by LeiterMilnerFasterStronger on Jun 3, 2009 3:37 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

"I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf"
-Tug McGraw

by squid92 on Jun 3, 2009 5:29 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

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