A Day In The Life Of Brian Stokes

5:45: Wake up and begin gameday 50-mile jog and stretching. I think today's the day I finally talk to Jerry.

5:50: Finish jog, read the entire New York Times and drink coffee.

6:00: My wife wakes up and starts mocking my pregame preparations. She says at least I played in Tampa. She asks if I seriously thought a team that traded cash to get me would ever let me play.

6:05: Eat my Wheaties. Check if I'm still the 152nd best Devil Ray. Yes.

7:00: My son wakes up and asks to play catch. I accidentally throw 97 again and break his hand. That's the third time I've done that. The insurance company said they weren't going to cover it anymore.

8:14: Finish welding my son's hand back together with heat-vision. Get in the car to go to Citi. Make mental note: remember to talk to Jerry.

8:43:The security guy won't let me in the clubhouse entrance. He doesn't believe I'm actually on the team.

8:56: Sean Green pulls up on his unicycle; finally someone to get me in. I ask Sean to tell him I'm on the team. He just stares at me blankly and walks in.

9:11: Wilson Valdez appears out of nowhere in a ninja suit and assassinates the guard. He disappears in a puff of smoke. I don't know why. I walk in.

9:15: Omir Santos has begun selling T-Shirts out of my locker. My stuff is scattered all over the floor. I find my uniform and stash it in the equipment closet. I buy an Omir Santos T-Shirt.

9:22: I pass by K-Rod and offer him a high five. He just stares and turns away. He says something in Spanish to Luis Castillo that I don't understand. I think he just called me Darren O'Day.

9:30: I dress in the equipment closet. They spelled my name 'STOCKS'. That's the closest they've gotten so far.

9:44: Fernando Martinez gives me his spikes to be polished. David Wright walks over, presumably to correct the rookie. Apparently, he wants his spikes polished too.

10:10: I finish polishing the shoes. I notice there's less than an hour until warmups. I go to Jerry's office.

10:13: Jerry, Omar, and J.J. are playing cards in Jerry's office. The pot is bigger than my salary. I clear my throat to get Jerry's attention. He turns to me and says, "Boy, I can't hear Ice Cube over your racket." J.J. adds, "I agree for rap is a respected genre of music that I often enjoy." That's weird. He told me the other day he hates rap. They wait for me to leave. I'll ask him tomorrow.

10:45: Warmups begin. No one will throw with me, even though Sean Green doesn't have a partner. Everytime I ask him he just stares blankly.

11:30: We return to the clubhouse before heading out to the bullpen. Ken Takahashi comes up to me and bows. I bow back. He wants his spikes polished.

12:10: The game starts. I sit with Sean Green under the bench. I think he's started a garden over there.

2:10: It's a one run game and Maine comes out. Jerry calls down. He wants Green and Feliciano up.

2:12: Jerry brings Putz in, even though he wasn't warming up.

2:24: Putz has walked the bases loaded. Jerry calls down and I pick up. He says: "Stokes is sucking wind out there, get Parnell up." I ask him if he means Putz. He says "huh" and hangs up. Weird.

4:11: We lose in extra-innings by one run. I'm the only one left in the bullpen. Nick Swisher pitched the last inning for us. I'm not sure how that's legal.

4:30: Takahashi wants his spikes polished once more before he goes home.

4:44: My car was towed. Apparently Sean Green reported me for parking in his second unicycle spot. I jog home.

Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Amazin' Avenue

You must be a member of Amazin' Avenue to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Amazin' Avenue. You should read them.

Join Amazin' Avenue

You must be a member of Amazin' Avenue to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Amazin' Avenue. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.