Charting The Historic Path Of Our 45th President

4/29/1981: Omir Santos is born in Bayamón, Puerto Rico.

6/22/1992: Omir Santos drafts his master plan on napkin with red crayon.

6/16/2001: The New York Yankees select Santos in the 21st round of the 2001 Major League Baseball Draft.

11/28/2008: The Baltimore Orioles release Omir Santos unconditionally.

1/12/2009: Omar Minaya signs all unemployed baseball players with names phonetically similar to his own.

3/12/2009: Alone in the clubhouse after a spring training game, Omir Santos removes the orthopedic soles from Brian Schneider's spikes.

3/14/2009: Brian Schneider begins to complain of back pain. Mets training staff tells him to "walk it off".

4/17/2009: The Mets place Brian Schneider on the disabled list with a strained back muscle, recall Omir Santos from AAA Buffalo.

4/27/2009: Omir Santos hits his first career homer, a grand slam, off Anibal Sanchez.

5/12/2009: Santos leaves a note in Mike Pelfrey's locker reading "Nice slider...not -Castro"

5/22/2009: Jonathan Papelbon finds a note in his locker reading "The other guys say you're a douche, but I think you're just misunderstood. -Omir"

5/23/2009: Omir Santos hits a ninth-inning go-ahead homer off Jonathan Papelbon, registering a new record WPA for a single play.

5/29/2009: As Ronny Paulino tries to throw Gary Sheffield out at second, Santos screams "WEINER" from the on-deck circle, causing Paulino to air mail the ball into leftfield. Sheffield advances to third, later scoring the walk-off run on a Santos' single.

5/29/2009: Ramon Castro is traded for Lance Broadway. Rumors of certain pitchers' discontent with Castro spread.

6/22/2009: 4-4 on 8 pitches. OBP eclipses .300.

7/20/2009: With Schneider starting against the Nationals, Santos sneaks into the U.S. House of Representatives and paperclips a foreign-born President amendment to the Healthcare reform bill.

8/30/2009: Santos single-handily prevents a third "collapse" going 5-5 with 5 homers on 5 pitches against the Nationals. 

10/1/2009: Omir Santos announces his intention to retire on top with a .757 OPS.

10/5/2009: Santos announces his candidacy as an independent in the November New York City mayoral election. He attempts to unify New York by running two slogans simultaneously: "I'm Omir Santos." and "Once a Yank, always a Yank."

10/6/2009: Incumbent Michael Bloomberg endorses Santos.

11/3/2009: Omir Santos wins the election in a landslide, receiving 91% of all votes.

2/9/2010: Santos spends recklessly on any project put on his desk, making him extremely popular. Political analysts predict a massive budget collapse in a year, but are dismissed as partisan hacks by the overwhelmingly pro-Omir public.

3/1/2010: Mayor Santos announces his intention to step down from his position, shocking New York. He leaves office with the a highest approval rating ever, a record now question by some historians based on his extremely short sample size tenure.

12/29/2011: A desperate Republican party , remembering his landslide victory in New York, puts Santos on their primary ballot.

2/5/2012: Santos-mania hits supertuesday, and he edges out Arnold Schwarzenegger for the Republican nomination.

9/14/2012: Santos selects political-unknown Daniel Murphy in attempt to secure the vote of both the hard working blue-collar Irish-American and the white-collar executives, who mean business.

10/11/2012: In what would later be described as the turning-point of the election, usually shy farm-boy Mike Pelfrey gives a rousing speech at a campaign rally, supporting Santos. His speech centers around a complex metaphor, in which he compares Obama's inflexibility on legislative compromise to Ramon Castro insisting Pelfrey throw his crappy slider, concluding it's fitting Obama is a White Sox fan.

10/30/2012: Nate Silver's computer predicts an Obama victory and a Mets division crown.

11/4/2012: Omir wins.

12/11/2012: Santos buys "Rosetta Stone: English"

1/20/2013: Omir Santos is sworn in as the 45th president of the United States. Now you can buy a token of this historical event for only 9 gritty payments of $9.99. Presenting the President Santos, commemorative election plate:


Order now!

SB Nation Featured Video
Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Amazin' Avenue

You must be a member of Amazin' Avenue to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Amazin' Avenue. You should read them.

Join Amazin' Avenue

You must be a member of Amazin' Avenue to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Amazin' Avenue. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.