Sean Green And Francisco Rodriguez Talk Nicknames

by James Kannengieser on Jun 28, 2009 6:00 AM EDT

Location: Mets bullpen, June 28th, 9:15 PM, 3rd inning of Mets-Yankees
Situation: Sean Green and Francisco Rodriguez conversing

Sean: I've been meaning to ask you this for awhile - do you like the nickname "K-Rod"?
Francisco: I love it. Simple, effective, very clever. Why do you ask?
Sean: Because I think it stinks. I agree that it's simple, but that's a bad thing. I suppose it's better than "F-Rod" but not by much.
Francisco: You're just jealous. I bet you don't like "A-Rod" or "F-Mart" either.
Sean: Correct. "F-Mart" might be the worst nickname in the history of the universe, no hyperbole. A nickname should take more than 3 seconds to come up with. "K-Rod" probably took 10 seconds, so I guess it's not on the suckitude level of "F-Mart". There was a nickname lull for awhile in baseball, but there's been a small renaissance lately. Failcoeur. Mexicutioner. Zorilla. These are all witty or original and fine examples to be followed. They tell us a little something about a player, instead of just lazily abbreviating names. Anyways, I'm going to pronounce it "Krod" from now on. No hyphen. It'll be my simple way of mocking it. No offense intended to you Frankie, you're the tops.
Francisco: Fine with me Sean, but I think you need a nickname.

:::ESPN's Chris Berman, at the game with the Baseball Tonight crew, makes his way to the bullpen:::

Chris: Hey guys, the Schwam is here! Did someone say nicknames?
Sean: How did you get in here?
Chris: I was bumblin' and stumblin' and circling the wagons and here I am!
Sean: That doesn't answer my perfectly reasonable question.
Chris: K-Rod, ask and ye shall receive. Your friend will be known as Sean Green "Eggs and Ham"!
Sean: No I won't.
Francisco: Perfect, I loved "The Cat in the Hat"!
Sean: I don't even know where to begin.
Chris: Look who's batting - it's Brett "The Constant" Gardner. And he's facing Livan "La Vida Loca" Hernandez!

:::Sean storms off, annoyed:::

Sean: [on bullpen phone, calling Jerry Manuel] Hey Jerry it's Sean.
Jerry: Sean Green "Eggs and Ham"? What's on your mind boy?
Sean: I need you to shank someone. This fat, annoying, bald guy is heckling us in the bullpen.
Jerry: I got your back - I'll send Santos out there. He has experience running between the dugout and bullpen during games. Also, tell Feliciano he's coming in.
Sean: But it's only the 3rd inning. And Livan hasn't given up any runs.
Jerry: You questioning me boy?! You want to suffer the same fate as your fat heckling friend?
Sean: Uhh-

:::Omir Santos mistakenly whacks Sean with his bat. The swing is so quick that there are no witnesses:::

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Comments

All of these have been hilarious.

I really hope you guys don’t run out of ideas. There’s still three months of excruciating Mets baseball you have to make easier.

All nicknames that take the first initial coupled with the first part of the last name are just as lazy as it gets. I really “hope F-Mart” doesn’t stick. And I’ve been calling Frankie “Krod” for at least a year.

Every time I hear someone say “the tops” it always makes methink of that Seinfeld episode with “Jimmy” where everyone thinks Kramer is mentally disabled.

"We must win and we must know how to win rather than win because we have statistical people."

by Evan_S on Jun 28, 2009 8:42 AM EDT reply actions

Omir Santos jokes will never get old.

"I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf"
-Tug McGraw

by squid92 on Jun 28, 2009 9:10 AM EDT reply actions

I like Krod

Pronounced monosyllabically..

I also love how news of Sean Green’s nickname traveled to the dugout so quickly.

by Eric Simon on Jun 28, 2009 1:12 PM EDT reply actions

The nickname was transported to the dugout

by fans doing “The Wave” in the 3rd inning.

by James Kannengieser on Jun 28, 2009 1:21 PM EDT up reply actions

Ugh, seriously.

You know the first game of the Rays series, with Nieve pitching? Well, I went to that game. And in the eight inning, with Sean Green on the mound, and two men on and one out away from ending the inning…they did the wave.

"I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf"
-Tug McGraw

by squid92 on Jun 28, 2009 1:24 PM EDT up reply actions

It is sickening....

I was at Johan vs Gallardo in April, we are in the middle of a wonderful pitching duel, and morons are worried about the wave. If you do the wave, you should receieve a lifetime ban from all baseball games.

"It's like the old phrase goes.....The balls in your court now Mr.Church, so you take that ball, you dribble it up the court and....................................... get a layup"
- Keith Hernandez

by nrmax88 on Jun 28, 2009 4:48 PM EDT up reply actions