Sean Green And Francisco Rodriguez Talk Nicknames

Location: Mets bullpen, June 28th, 9:15 PM, 3rd inning of Mets-Yankees
Situation: Sean Green and Francisco Rodriguez conversing

Sean: I've been meaning to ask you this for awhile - do you like the nickname "K-Rod"?
Francisco: I love it. Simple, effective, very clever. Why do you ask?
Sean: Because I think it stinks. I agree that it's simple, but that's a bad thing. I suppose it's better than "F-Rod" but not by much.
Francisco: You're just jealous. I bet you don't like "A-Rod" or "F-Mart" either.
Sean: Correct. "F-Mart" might be the worst nickname in the history of the universe, no hyperbole. A nickname should take more than 3 seconds to come up with. "K-Rod" probably took 10 seconds, so I guess it's not on the suckitude level of "F-Mart". There was a nickname lull for awhile in baseball, but there's been a small renaissance lately. Failcoeur. MexicutionerZorilla. These are all witty or original and fine examples to be followed. They tell us a little something about a player, instead of just lazily abbreviating names. Anyways, I'm going to pronounce it "Krod" from now on. No hyphen. It'll be my simple way of mocking it. No offense intended to you Frankie, you're the tops.
Francisco: Fine with me Sean, but I think you need a nickname.

:::ESPN's Chris Berman, at the game with the Baseball Tonight crew, makes his way to the bullpen:::

Chris: Hey guys, the Schwam is here! Did someone say nicknames?
Sean: How did you get in here?
Chris: I was bumblin' and stumblin' and circling the wagons and here I am!
Sean: That doesn't answer my perfectly reasonable question.
Chris: K-Rod, ask and ye shall receive. Your friend will be known as Sean Green "Eggs and Ham"!
Sean: No I won't.
Francisco: Perfect, I loved "The Cat in the Hat"!
Sean: I don't even know where to begin.
Chris: Look who's batting - it's Brett "The Constant" Gardner. And he's facing Livan "La Vida Loca" Hernandez!

:::Sean storms off, annoyed:::

Sean: [on bullpen phone, calling Jerry Manuel] Hey Jerry it's Sean.
Jerry: Sean Green "Eggs and Ham"? What's on your mind boy?
Sean: I need you to shank someone. This fat, annoying, bald guy is heckling us in the bullpen.
Jerry: I got your back - I'll send Santos out there. He has experience running between the dugout and bullpen during games. Also, tell Feliciano he's coming in.
Sean: But it's only the 3rd inning. And Livan hasn't given up any runs.
Jerry: You questioning me boy?! You want to suffer the same fate as your fat heckling friend?
Sean: Uhh-

:::Omir Santos mistakenly whacks Sean with his bat. The swing is so quick that there are no witnesses:::

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