NY Mets: 2025

by IanB in MD on Jul 23, 2009 3:25 PM EDT

NOTE: Last night while attending the Mets game in Washington, my brother (Catsmeat Potter-Pirbright) and I thought about the future of the Mets. This is one thing we thought might happen.

The Year: 2025, the day after the Wilpons sell the team
The Place: Citi Field
The Event: Cleaning out the old offices
Characters: Mets new owner, Trainor Allinson Braindington (Canadian millionaire) and his accountant, Phil.

TAB: Phil, have you finished looking over the books?

Phil: Very nearly, Mr. Braindington.

TAB: Good. Anything strange?

Phil: One or two things.

TAB: What are they?

Phil: First of all, nothing in Mr. Wilpon's file cabinet has a Mets logo on it.

TAB: What?

Phil: Look at this...and this...(Hands him papers.)

TAB: The letter head says "The New-New York Dodgers Baseball Club"

Phil: Strange, no?

TAB: Sure is, eh.

Phil: And there is this other thing. In the personnel file there is one player who's been paid every two weeks since 2008.

TAB: A secretary? I thought they all quit in 2016 when Bernazard stopped wearing pants to work.

Phil: No, it is someone named "Storks."

TAB: What? Who is Storks?

Phil: The file says "Storks", but all the checks are issued to someone named "Brian Stokes"

TAB: He's been out of baseball for years.

Phil: Yes. He retired after winning the Cy Young Award three times as a closer for the Phillies.

TAB: He was amazing, wasn't he?

Phil: You can say that again. Anyway, he's been paid by the Mets for years - even after they ditched him in Atlanta in September '09 when he got stranded by the team bus in Atlanta after they mistook one of the bat boys for him during the head count.

TAB: Oh yeah. They left the stadium withouth him. Jerry and Omar claimed that they had never heard of him before, so Selig let him sign with the Phillies.

Phil: You have a great memory, sir.

TAB: Thank you. So this guy's been getting a check every since.

Phil: Yes. No one told the accountants to stop cutting checks. There's even a response to a memo from Omar that states "Why does everyone keep bringing up this Stukes guy?"

TAB: Well, let's give him a call and stop cutting checks.

Phil: Will do, sir.

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Comments

The Myth of Brian Stokes

like William Wallace, grows every sunrise

by TheBigStapler on Jul 23, 2009 3:33 PM EDT reply actions

Only 3 time Cy Young winner?

"I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf"
-Tug McGraw

by squid92 on Jul 23, 2009 3:36 PM EDT reply actions

Socks! wins Cy Young by being starter AND closer.

by Michkin on Jul 23, 2009 3:44 PM EDT reply actions

What are you, some kind of comedian?

Nice work, brother.

"He's definitely mixing it into his repertoire. That's French for 'repertoire' " - Keith Hernandez

by Catsmeat Potter-Pirbright on Jul 23, 2009 4:03 PM EDT reply actions

At least the game was not a total loss, right?

Grission and Husart - that is either the non-union Mexican equivelant of "Starsky and Hutch" or the key to winning the World Series.

by IanB in MD on Jul 23, 2009 5:14 PM EDT up reply actions

Why didn't I know you guys were at the game?

We could’ve met up. Drank. Commiserated.

by Eric Simon on Jul 23, 2009 6:53 PM EDT up reply actions

Dang

I mentioned it in an applesauce comment but not much else. Too bad. I’ll have to chalk it up as your loss.

"He's definitely mixing it into his repertoire. That's French for 'repertoire' " - Keith Hernandez

by Catsmeat Potter-Pirbright on Jul 23, 2009 10:33 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions

Left one part out

After he won the Cy Young Award 3 times, they renamed it the Brian Stokes Award. I definitely stole that from someplace else, which is escaping me right now, but I like it.

by James Kannengieser on Jul 23, 2009 4:12 PM EDT reply actions