Leave it to The Onion to lampoon a record that nobody outside Michael Kay really cares about.

Even the team's principal owner, George Steinbrenner, who has largely avoided the public eye since the new Yankee Stadium opened, released a statement extolling his shortstop for taking his rightful place 13 spots below Harold Baines on the all-time career-hit list.

"For those who say today's game can't produce legendary players, I have two words: Derek Jeter," the statement read. "Game in and game out, he simply produces [a lot less than retired nonentity Harold Baines]. And that's why we are honoring this significant accomplishment tonight."