The Future's So Grissiony I've Gotta Wear Shades

As we all know,  the Mets are not grissiony enough as a team. Just look at the standings! The Mets are in 4th! If they had heart and love for the game they'd be in first! Well I have a surefire plan that will make us 5000 percent more grissiony next season.

1) Trade Jose Reyes. Reyes is lazy, plays with no heart, and isn't a gamer. We should trade him to the Phillies for true gamer Shane Victorino.

2) Release David Wright. David loses grission points for that stupid helmet he wore that one time. Sign Craig Counsell to fill Wright's spot at third.

3) Trade Carlos Beltran. We can't just implode part of the core, we need to totally tear the core apart. Trade Beltran to San Diego for David "Smallie Smalls" Eckstein, the all-time grittiest player.

4) Trade Shane Victorino. I'm sick of that asswipe already. Trade him to Atlanta for Nate McLouth.

5) Trade K-Rod. Frankly I don't care who we trade him to, and who we get back,  K-Rod backwards spells "Dork" and I don't like that. For the purposes of this exercise, let's say we trade him to Pittsburgh for Ronny Cedeno and Paul Maholm.

6) Sign Frenchy to a 6 year, 50 million dollar extension.

7) Sign everyone else up for free agency/arbitration to 2 year deals of varying cash amounts. It's the grissiony way out.

8) Trade Luis Castillo. That dude doesn't even have enough passion to catch a fuckin pop up! Trade him to Toronto for Roy Halladay (I hear he's good).

9) Sign Jason Kendall as a free agent. Kendall and Omir platooned would create an unthinkable mishmash of grission.

10) Trade Johan Santana to St. Louis for Pujols (I hear he's good too).

11) Hire Joe Morgan as a Special Assistant to the GM and Manager. Joe knows that to win you have to score more runs than the other team. It's a shock that no team has hired him in a similar capacity yet.

12) Make Smallie Smalls the Team Capssion (Team Captain and Grission Legend).

13) Rename Citi Field "The Joe Morgan Swing Trainer Stadium" (Joe says this will increase grission 10 percent).

14) Carlos Delgado will play left field, because that's the grissiony thing to do.

The 2010 Mets roster would look something like this

Lineup:

C Omir Santos

1B Albert Pujols

2B Ronny Cedeno

3B Craig Counsell

SS David Eckstein

LF Carlos Delgado

CF Nate McLouth

RF Jeff Francoeur

Bench:

C Jason Kendall

SS Alex Cora

1B/OF Daniel Murphy

OF Cory Sullivan

OF Fernando Tatis

OF Jeremy Reed

Starters:

1) Roy Halladay

2) Mike Pelfrey

3) Oliver Perez

4) Tim Redding

5) Nelson Figueroa

Bullpen:

Closer: Paul Maholm (he will be our closer)

Set up Man: Pedro Feliciano

Short Reliever: Brain Socks

Short Reliever: Pat Misch

Middle Reliever: Luis Ayala (he did really good when he was a Met so we signed him again)

Long Reliever: Bobby Parnell