What if Omar Minaya could sign anyone -- yes, anyone -- to sit in a Mets uniform?  Well, I think we'd see a team much like the below.  Thank you to StorkFan for the inspiration.  WIth no further ado, let's get to the team.

First Base: Timmy Lupus

"He was not the big, productive hitter that he is early on, but they surrounded him other guys who had power… So, when you put the team together, there are eight guys, and how are you going to balance that offense." -- Omar Minaya, on Kevin Youkilis, explaining why Daniel Murphy can be a starting 1B.

"What does Murphy do well?  Right now, you’re talking about a young, developing player who is learning at the major leagues and improving at first base… Now, he comes at you everyday and he gives a good effort… He has to improve with the OBP… But, we are talking about a rookie."  -- Minaya, further explaining.

At least Daniel Murphy made a huge defensive play.  Just like Lupus.

Second Base: Luis Castillo

But don't worry, folks.  He'll be back to 1999 form, defensively and offensively, soon enough.

Shortstop: Barbaro

"Jose Reyes had 'a good day today' in Port St. Lucie and is 'showing much improvement' according to Minaya. [...] Minaya said there’s a possibility that [...]Reyes can return this month. [...]  There was lots of information and, as with all injury reports, a lot of it was vague. The one thing that’s certain is Angel Berroa is now on the team." -- MetsBlog, July 16, 2009.

Third Base: The Great Gazoo

For whatever it's worth -- even if the thing is ridiculous looking -- I'd rather the Mets wear safer helmets.

Left Field: Todd Hundley

"With Todd Hundley's bat in this lineup, left field defense really doesn't matter.  In fact, outfield defense is overrated.  Nothing every goes wrong there.  Ever.  And seriously, when was the last time a left fielder did anything important defensively?  I'd rather have Jeremy Reed." -- Omar Minaya, in my nightmares.

Center Field: Dr. Nick Riviera

"We're disappointed that the proper process wasn't followed," [Ass. Mets GM John] Ricco said. "We told the agent for the player that we wanted to have the ability to discuss the diagnosis and possibly have a third opinion because of the nature of this injury." -- Newsday

Right Field: The Energizer Bunny

"Historically, plate discipline has been an issue with Jeff. I do believe that because he's 25 years old, he can improve that. I do believe that he has power... When it's all said and done, the attractiveness of a guy that plays a 150+ games, the attractiveness of a guy who is plus as far as fielding... He's got plus power... He's a pull hitter. In this ballpark, based on what we've seen so far .... He's going to have to improve his plate discipline if he's going to be the player that he needs to be in the major leagues going forward. We're hopeful because of the age that he'll be able to do that." -- Omar Minaya, on why he acquired Francoeur.

FOUR REASONS WHY THE ENGERIZER BUNNY IS BETTER THAN JEFF FRANCOEUR:

1. Swings at everything, but always hits
   
2. Keeps going and going and going and going for all 162 games
3. Is always taking a walk
4. Is even younger than Francoeur -- he's only 21 years old!

Catcher:  Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Seriously, if you haven't seen this show, stop reading and go watch an episode on Hulu.  If you have, Mac rules:

• A bouncer, he's like Henry Blanco -- always throwing people out.  And he's the leader of the Gang (with Dennis, I guess).  "The reason we got out there so early with Henry Blanco was that we thought he was one of the best, not just in throwing people out, but in his leadership." - Omar Minaya
• Like Chris Coste, he's a Phillies fan
• Like Omir Santos, he could probably put up a .250 OBP in the National League.  If we're lucky.

Bench Player: Don Zimmer

A good clubhouse guy who can play second base.