I Lobby Bugs Bunny For Filling Of Mets Holes

(bumped from fanposts. --eric)

If, somehow, you've never seen "Baseball Bugs", you can watch the clip on Youtube HERE. That one is, probably, my favorite Bugs Bunny cartoon. Watching it before shoveling snow, ice, and slush, inspired me, while shoveling that snow, ice, and slush, to write this.


Bugs Bunny is a five-tool player. Perhaps he possesses even more tools, since, asides for being an excellent utility-man, he excels at pitching as well. Given that the Mets, going into the 2010 season, seem to have significant question marks at numerous positions, it would behoove everyone involved to possibly rouse the geriatric hare out of retirement. Signing Mr. Bunny would also have the peripheral impact, like it was said of Jose Reyes, of making the Mets more attractive for other players with similar backgrounds to Bugs Bunny.

Regarding his five-tools, let's first analyze his speed. In the few video clips we have of his semi-professional ball days, Bugs Bunny, as a member of the semi-professional Tea-Totallers, runs the bases in an astounding seven seconds. Jose Reyes, the speedster, in contrast, was once clocked at rounding the bases at 14.81 seconds. So, Bugs Bunny is possibly twice as fast as Jose Reyes.

Next, let's analyze his hitting for both power and average. Mr. Bunny, sadly, once hit a line drive that had so much power behind it, it killed the unfortunate left fielder who attempted to catch it, a man whose tombstone reads "HE GOT IT". If Bugs had elevated that line drive, there is no doubt that it would have sailed out of the Polo Grounds, the site of this incident (and the future home of our Mets nearly twenty years after the incident), and Mr. It would have lived a longer and more prosperous life. Another line drive has so much power behind it that it causes the fielder who catches it to be propelled backwards, smashing into the outfield wall (which, at the time, may or may not have been padded, though this particular event took place a few years after the Pete Reiser incident. Seemingly, the wall wasn't). Again, had this ball been elevated, it would have seemingly sailed out of the Polo Grounds, deep centerfield or not. Some of his hitting for average might have been luck based and BABIP-fueled. For example, in a very unconventional "super-extreme overshift", where all nine fielders- somehow, including the pitcher- were moved over to third base, Bugs was still able to get a hit, as the ball avoided being caught by all nine fielders. Indeed, the official scorers were unsure how to score that hit, and scored that hit "3-9-2-4-15-5-1-1-11-7-8-12-9-3". Regardless, we know that Bugs Bunny is proficient with the bat, more so than certain other players who are likely to make the 25-man roster, or are competing for a job out of Spring Training.

Let's look at Bugs Bunny's fielding prowess, next. Certainly, his uncanny speed was an asset in the field, where he played the entire defense himself. On numerous occasions, he is able to catch, throw-out, and tag-out players at the plate, pitching to his opponent, catching the ball, and tagging out his opponent all within the same play. This demonstrates that Bugs' throwing and fielding abilities were second-to-none at the time. Mr. Bunny's UZR as a player was must have been astounding. On one play, Bugs covered an incredible 8.58 miles, running from the Polo Grounds all the way to very top of the Empire State Building, in an attempt to catch a fly ball. Even more remarkable, he turned a 17-minute trip into a 45-second trip, which included mistakenly being chauffeured in the wrong direction.

As a pitcher, a right-hand pitcher to be exact, Bugs Bunny was seemingly equally impressive. In nearly two innings of work, he gave up no hits, and walked no one, while striking out three consecutive batters. His pitching delivery was quite unconventional for the day, contributing to a lot of swing-and-misses. While speedometers were not available during the era, Bugs Bunny threw what some players called ‘radioballs'- they made an audible noise as they sailed through the air. In Bugs' case, when he threw the ball, it sounded as it a bullet had been fired from a .45 caliber pistol. The speed of a bullet being fired from a .45 caliber pistol is roughly around the area of 661 MPH. While this is only here say, and can certainly be flawed, Bugs' fastball seemingly was quite fast. The fact that he is able to run to catch the ball after throwing it, once more, shows the super wheels that he possessed. Bugs Bunny also had a change-up, his "slow ball", which seemed to be his out-pitch, with his three recorded strike-outs all coming on this pitch. Bugs Bunny also possessed a "powerful, paralyzing, perfect, pachydermous percussion pitch", which, seemingly, was some kind of trick pitch that he used. Unfortunately, data on how this ball sailed through the air is unavailable, and as to date, Mr. Bunny has not publicly discussed how the ball moved, or how he threw it.

According to some media outlets, the Mets lack- or, are at least in short supply of- both veteran clubhouse leaders, and players who exhibit passion for the game and play every moment as if there were two outs in the 9th inning of Game Seven of the World Series (Grission). Mr. Bunny brings with him both of those qualities.

According to his birth certificate- a document that's been questioned for it's accuracy for years now- Bugs Bunny was born on July 27, 1940. We know that, as a child, he exhibited phenomenal baseball skills, such that, at the age of five or six, Bugs was a member of the barnstorming 1946 Tea-Totallers. Given that that was sixty-four years ago, Mr. Rabbit's clearly might be an issue. But, I do not think that his age will pose any kinds of problems, as was the case with Orlando Hernandez, or Moises Alou. In 1996, Bugs Bunny began a short-but-successful basketball career, in which the fifty-year-old displayed very few signs of old age slowing down his reflexes and physical abilities. Later, in 2003, the sixty three-year-old Bugs was involved in a very chaotic-but-forgettable movie venture involving Brendan Frasier, in which Mr. Bunny performed numerous physically-taxing stunts himself, including matadoring, and sword fighting. Having lived for so long, and having a phenomenal baseball mind, there is no doubt that Bugs can take younger players under his wing and mentor them, deflect negative media attention away from the team, and generally be a positive influence for everyone involved.

On a play during the 1946 season, where he was clearly safe, Bugs had the mental fortitude to stand up for himself, and argue with the umpire. Though arguing with the umpire normally does not change anything, and more often than not results in the player being ejected from the game, he had the wherewithal to not only present his case to the umpire in a way that did not get him ejected, but actually caused the umpire to change his initial call, calling Mr. Bunny safe. This spirited argument, coupled with his general personality, shows that, if push came to shove, Bugs would have no problems standing up for himself and his teammates. He's fiesty, has heart, and is willing to fight for the team, a quality in short supply, sayth some writers.

All in all, Bugs Bunny might be the missing link to our championship aspirations. At any position Jerry Manuel slots him into the line-up, he is likely going to excel. His bunting abilities are suspect, however, leading to questions as to how effective he will be when he is called on to bunt with bases loaded. When asked about the likelihood of a deal being reached, Omar Minaya said, "Well, you see, you know, we have a plan, I have this plan, and the Mets, we are in a good position right now for meaningful baseball at the end of the season, you know? Can we add a player or two who can make a difference right now? The thing with that is, I mean, you know, the team, we had specific goals going into the Winter, and I think we addressed them. Mr. Bunny was a great player, a leader, a veteran, and is great with the media. Do I want to say we can reach a deal? I don't know. Any team that he plays on would be honored to have him." An anonymous source who was supposedly lobbying for Omar Minaya to reach a deal with Bugs Bunny claimed on his Twitter site that the two sides were close to an agreement, but Mr. Bunny's agent, Mr. F. Leghorn, is adamant on refusing the vesting option that Minaya is trying to force on Bugs. According to Mr. Leghorn, Bugs Bunny practices a nudist lifestyle, and abhors clothing, vests included.

This FanPost was contributed by a member of the community and was not subject to any vetting or approval process. It does not necessarily reflect the opinions, reasoning skills, or attention to grammar and usage rules held by the editors of this site.

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