Coin Flip Baseball

I work as a security guard at an art museum.  It's a dream job.  Does it get boring?  Sure.  Do my feet hurt?  Yeah.  Does it pay well?  No.  So what's it got going for it?  Peace, beauty, bosslessness, desklessness, and time, time, time. 

One thing I do on post is make up really great baseball jokes.  What's a baseball manager's favorite continent?  Yer-up!   Why wasn't the ballplayer afraid of Dracula?  Because the Count was full!  Did you hear that Castillo took a DELICIOUS cake and just set it down on the floor?!?!  Yeah, he laid down a bundt!!!!  (Contact me for more!)

But I've spent even more time playing nine inning ballgames in my head... imagining every play, cycling through the lineups, generating my own GKR... and all with the aid of one solitary coin.  Next time you're in line at the post office, seriously, it's a lot of fun:

Coin flip baseball

by letsgocyclones


Flip a coin twice.

HH = hit

HT = productive out

TH = unproductive out

TT = full count, flip again.  H = walk.  T = strike out

Those are the unshakeable basics.  Simple, huh?  Well, baseball's pretty simple.  The asture observer will notice that, in the long haul,

Every batter has a BA of .286 and OBP of .375.

Every pitcher has a K/BB rate of 1.

Perhaps those two things are not ideal.  The beauty part is this: this isn't the long haul.  If you're playing a complete season of coin flip baseball, God help you.  What's important for coin flip baseball is that things are plausible, and in any given game, this works well.  I've had scores come out  3-1, 8-2, 11-6, 5-4....  Oh, how does power work? 

HH = hit, flip again.

--> T = single, runners go base-to-base

--> H =  on the right track, flip again

--> --> T = single, runners go 2 bases

--> --> H = double, flip again

--> --> --> H = aww shit it's comin, flip again!

--> --> --> --> H = It's outta here!!!

I guarantee you that a succession of five head flips will excite you beyond all reason.  Stated otherwise:

HHT = single, runners move base to base

HHHT = single, runners move two bases

HHHHT = double

HHHHH = home run

The odds of hitting a HR is 1/32.  So the coin flip ballplayer will, in a 700 PA season, hit about 22 HR and the same number of doubles.  Again, maybe not ideal up and down a lineup, but in my experience it makes for an exciting ballgame.

A lot of the little things are, of course, up to the imagination.  If Reyes is on first will a HHHT send him home?  Sure, why not.  Or you can do this little trick, which is the same one I use for stealing;

Flip once to evaluate a runner's jump.

H = runner got a good jump, flip twice and only TT throws him out at the plate.

T = bad jump, flip once and H is safe, T is out. 

It's up to you to run or hold up after evaluating the jump.  In the case of a steal, only 1 jump evaluation per PA. 

And of course there's 100 ways to tweak it.  Sometimes I have Santana pitch where TT = a strikeout, plain and simple.  He will walk no batters this ballgame, boo ya.  Sometimes with a man on 3rd and 1 out, I "swing for the fences."  [HH = hit, one less H required for a homer. TT = strikeout.  Otherwise a productive pop up.  No chance of a walk.]  Othertimes I bunt.  [TT = K, otherwise I'm good].  Do whatever the hell you want, and of course you're imagining all your own particulars.  Pop up vs. ground out, gap hit v. rolls into the corner... it'll all come out organic-like if you're into it.

I'll admit that when I first made up this thing I thought "oh my God I'm going to make a million dollars."  Now i see that it requires quite a bit of solitude and baseball imagination to make it fun, and I'm not going to make $1.  You have to keep two 9 man lineups churning through your head,  you have to conceptualize the basepath movement, and it really helps if you can generate announcer-speak more or less effortlessly.  For everyone here, I'm sure this is no problem at all; it's just too bad that you all have gameday at work to keep you fat and lazy.  Well, I guess everyone can't be a security guard at an art museum...  ;)

P.S.  Also works as solitaire.  H=red.  T=black.  And maybe there's a poker game in here somewhere.

P.P.S.  You might be amazed how streaky teams are in this totally randomized system.

This FanPost was contributed by a member of the community and was not subject to any vetting or approval process. It does not necessarily reflect the opinions, reasoning skills, or attention to grammar and usage rules held by the editors of this site.

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