1) Hit a home run off the top of the team bus

2) Hit a home run out of Wrigley Field into someone's house across the street

3) Do very little else positive at the plate besides an occasional tape measure job

4) Send a rat to a female sportswriter in the press box

5) Be a jerk on general principles

6) Bounce around from team to team as a result of item # 5 (as opposed to just sucking on the field)

7) Get traded from the Mets

8) Find your way back to the Mets like a bad penny

9) Continue to suck on the field

10) Get benched and released by the Mets (we can only hope)