I decided to continue the Top 50 Mets Of All Time series. This edition will pay tribute to a mythical player, that some suspect may have been created as a Sidd Finch-esque prank by Omar Minaya and the Mets front office. As I knew nothing about the man, I knew I needed to do some research. My friend Wikipedia would clearly help with this huge undertaking.
Nicholas John "Nick" Evans (born 14 August 1980 in Auckland, New Zealand) is a New Zealand rugby union footballer.
Oh that clears everything up. Nick Evans is a rugby player in New Zealand, pulling a Michael Jordan and starting a baseball career. But wait. Dare I click the "Nick Evans (disambiguation)" link at the top of the page?
I dared, and I found out a terrible secret: Nick Evans has multiple identities, all of which share the same name. Aside from his New Zealand athletics career, he is also a Welsh trombonist, a retired English cricketer, a D or E-list actor, a noted novelist, and an Australian linguist.
Then, to my shock I came across this page. Nick Evans WAS a Met, the page even gave photographic proof!
I prepared a massive exposé on Evans. This master of disguise clearly had a nefarious plot under his sleeve. Was he an international jewel thief? Did he steal Jeff Francoeur's beard? Whatever his plan was, I had to stop it.
I sent my whistle-blowing article to many major newspapers, the Times, the Washington Post, even the Enquirer, but none would bite. Finally, after 3 weeks of frantic submissions, I gave up once my piece was rejected by The Des Moines Register. Clearly I needed to do more research on Evans.
So, with this, I headed to Glendale, Arizona, the supposed birthplace of Mr. Evans. Evans was still listed on the Mets roster, so I knew he'd be out of the picture. After some key plotline omissions (for security purposes) later, I found myself in the man himself's bedroom. I discovered a notebook, with the words MY DIARY PROPERTY OF NICK EVANS scrawled on the front. I opened up to the most recent few entries.
(Click here to embiggen.)
This Nick Evans was no jewel thief, or beard snatcher at all! He was just an oft-forgotten modest ballplayer! My suspicions were completely unfounded in the end.
So that is the story of Nick Evans, the 31st greatest player to ever put on a Mets uniform.
P.S.- If you come across international jewel thief, beard snatcher, trombonist, cricketer, actor, novelist, and New Zealand rugby union footballer Nick Evans, contact your nearest police station.
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