I don't know if anyone will get the headline reference, but whatever.
I'd like to play a little game here if you'll indulge me for a moment. It's a little something I call, "You Write The Recap!". Here's how it works: You write the recap. That's it! Write a recap of this game, put it in the comments, and if it's any good I'll bump it up to the main post for all to enjoy (or not). If we only get one recap, and it's really, truly awful, too bad for us because that's what we'll use. If we get a bunch of good ones, I'll put 'em all up here.
Update: I think we have a winner, courtesy of KeithsMoustache.
This is Beyond Suck, This is Beyond Baseball
We’ll start with the positive. Carlos Beltran went 3-5 with a homer and an ill advised triple. Similarly, Ike Davis went 2-4, and Duda went 1-2 with a walk and an RBI, a commendable showing in an otherwise unspectacular evening at the plate.
On the other side of the coin, Jose Reyes struck out three times out of the leadoff spot. While one of the most dynamic players in baseball on the basepaths, Jose’s value at leadoff is severely limited when he’s back in the dugout (He’s no Alex Cora, who led the league in benchWAR with the Mets). Jonathan Niese showed poor control with 6 walks, one for an RBI. Overall Niese gave up 6 earned in 5.2 innings, and is clearly well past his inning limit for the year after a limited 2009 workload. A small bright spot for Niese was his 7Ks, although eventually the batters had to get out somehow just based on law of averages. It is probably well past time to shut him down before he joins the cast of walking wounded, so I fully expect us to pitch his arm off in the weeks to follow.
Both Tejada and Reyes had errors, although Tejada’s error was on a tough-luck bounce on a backhand play. He also made a fairly spectacular throw from behind 2b on another play, which I believe was fair redemption for his earlier "error". Sean Green surprisingly managed to strike out the side, and hit a batter which I admit I enjoy watching when they’re wearing a Marlins uniform. Takahashi came in to attempt to keep the game close, but gave up 3 hits and an ultimately meaningless insurance run, giving the league a chance to see what kind of starter they’re missing out on this year. The highlight of the game probably came early, when Keith realized he had lost his wallet. Frantically searching, the crack team of sleuths in the booth managed to locate two possible locations, either on the field, or in one of the lunar seas. They later figured out the wallet was in fact hiding in his bag, before he booked a journey into space so the story had a happy ending. Gary serenaded the lucky fans with the Fordham fight song, much to the joy of deaf people everywhere who didn’t have to hear it. The three then took turns covertly mocking their sponsors.
The gamethread contained a lively debate over the existence of gravity, which Hey Arnold character best symbolized Ollie, that Dickey reproduced by budding, that kevin burkhard’s wikipedia page is way too empty, hatred of Emblem Health commercials, and that chicken beaks are a legitimate source of dietary roughage.
The final score of the game was Marlins 7, Mets 5, Mets fans 120 proof, and Marlins fans…. haha just kidding, theres no such thing.
To all you brave souls who watched this game, you chose poorly, and I commend you for that.
Season is getting late for Jon Niese
Truly it's time for his innings to cease
Beltran's defense still isn't all that
But each day brings me more hope for his bat