Replacing Mets Bigwigs With Fictional Characters
by James Kannengieser on Sep 24, 2010 12:00 AM EDT
Email
PrintThe title is self-explanatory. My choices:
Owner: Tony Stark (Iron Man series)
Other possibilities: Adrian Veidt (Watchmen), Jay Gatsby (The Great Gatsby), Willy Wonka (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), Scrooge McDuck (Disney character)
Stark is wealthy -- his net worth is estimated at $8.8 billion. More importantly, he invests that wealth in high-level research and development, constantly searching for the next breakthrough. Maybe Stark Industries develops a new set of spikes to enhance speed and mobility. Or an undetectable PED to help our heroes slug the ball even farther. He would be a Mark Cuban type owner, involved but not meddlesome. Stark Expo 2010 was held in Flushing Meadows Park, and was a rousing success. A Mets World Series Championship just a few minutes walk away from the park would be a fitting end to the annual Expo.
General Manager: Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars series)
Other possibilities: Hermione Granger (Harry Potter series), Stringer Bell (The Wire), Miranda Priestly (The Devil Wears Prada), Spock (Star Trek series), Ender Wiggin (Ender's Game)
General Kenobi is charismatic and judicious, a true leader of men. His Jedi powers of persuasion would be helpful at the trade deadline and during negotiations with Scott Boras. Old baseball man Yoda would also have his ear. [Insert joke about lightsabers/sabermetrics]. And he's a great quote, so he won't have to jump in an airplane with no access to a cell phone anytime something major happens (like our current GM).
Manager: Lou Brown (Major League series)
Other possibilities: George Knox (Angels In The Outfield), Pop Fisher (The Natural), Sal Martinella (Rookie Of The Year), Uchiyama (Mr. Baseball)
The above picture displays Brown's unique but effective motivational tactics. He has the respect of the clubhouse and isn't afraid to give young players a shot over proven veterans. Plus he would never tolerate that olé bullsh** from David Wright.
Team Doctor: E.T. (E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial)
via minghetti.files.wordpress.com
Other possibilities: John Coffey (The Green Mile), Doogie Howser (Doogie Howser, M.D.), Mark Greene (ER)
Let's not mess around here. Let's go straight to the god-like character who can heal anything with the touch of a finger. Sure, he's sort of creepy looking and doesn't speak earth languages very well, but that will be forgotten the first time a concussed player can take the field just minutes after getting a facial from the outfield wall. E.T. can travel to and from his home planet as he pleases.
Team Spokesman/Public Relations Director: Atticus Finch (To Kill A Mockingbird)
via legallegacy.files.wordpress.com
Other possibilities: Nick Naylor (Thank You For Smoking), Jake Brigance (A Time To Kill), Hawkeye Pierce (M*A*S*H)
Atticus is near the top of the list of fictional heroes. When he speaks, there is no circumlocution, no "Citi Field has no obstructed views" type baloney. This is a man who can be trusted. He would function almost as the ombudsman of the Mets, stressing honesty with the fans/customers over toeing the company line.
87 comments
|
4 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
This is the most random post ever
There is no hope.... there is no future....there is only GRISSIONZ
The 2010 Mets- Hey, we may suck, but what did you expect?
This post needs some MS Paint skillz
"Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O! Wretched mortals, open your eyes!"
Gil Hodges IS a Hall of Famer.
by Brooklyn Dodgers Mets Fan on Sep 24, 2010 12:21 AM EDT reply actions
Spock would be a good GM
He’d be completely puzzled by the media’s love for David Eckstein, or why the team should care what the NY Post or WFAN callers say. He’d compare the WARs of two players and go with the higher one.
Tony Montana would be a good owner (as long as we keep the guns and cocaine locked away). I mean, he had the passion and smarts to build himself up from nothing. Surely, he could turn this franchise around quickly.
As for managers, do they actually have to be baseball managers? I, for one, would love to hear Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket to tell the media to go @&^%$ themselves and let him run his own ^%$ing team!
"It’s just everytime we think the bar can’t get lower, they lower it. Now next year we’ll just be happy to hear that rogue shirtless officials aren’t implementing useless detrimental drills in spring training for no apparent reason."
-Gina, 3/1/10
by Greenpoint Ian on Sep 24, 2010 12:23 AM EDT reply actions
I went back and forth on the manager thing
I ultimately decided that someone with a legit background in the game would be the best move. The others have little to no baseball knowledge, and I wanted a guy the players would respect for his baseball experience.
Plus I don’t want D-Wright pulling a Private Pyle in the clubhouse bathroom.
by James Kannengieser on Sep 24, 2010 9:34 AM EDT up reply actions
Why not?
It might have moved things along in a more expeditious manner this season.
This is my bat, there are many like it, but this one is mine.
by MookieTheCat on Sep 24, 2010 9:46 AM EDT up reply actions
Private Wright
was last heard mumbling something regarding the Mo’ Zone, and then screaming “415 to the RF gap”, before he discharged the fatal gun shot to his temple.
by Coolpapabell on Sep 24, 2010 10:38 AM EDT up reply actions
When Razor Shines was third base coach
it might as well have been E.T. there. “Home, Home!, HOME!!”
Hey, wait! I'm having one of those things. You know? A headache with pictures?
by KeithsMoustache on Sep 24, 2010 12:37 AM EDT reply actions 3 recs
I always thought Razor Shines was a fictional character
John Olerud, Hall of Famer. Got a nice ring to it.
The first time I saw one of his baseball cards...
I was 8 or so. I thought it had to be a prank by someone in the Topps factory because there was no way anyone was really named that.
by MookieTheCat on Sep 24, 2010 2:30 PM EDT up reply actions
Bugs' WAR that season was incredible.
He was like Ben Zobrist of last year, but better.
"Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O! Wretched mortals, open your eyes!"
Gil Hodges IS a Hall of Famer.
by Brooklyn Dodgers Mets Fan on Sep 24, 2010 12:18 PM EDT up reply actions
Atticus Finch could easily replace the current PR team...
He lives right next to Boo Radley.
How could you not consider Bruce Wayne as a possible owner?
1. He’s just as rich as Tony Stark, if not more so.
2. Not offense to Stark, but Batman >>> Iron Man.
3. Also, he’s way too busy fighting crime to ever get overly involved in the day-to-day operations of the team.
4. Wayne Enterprises’ R & D easily rivals that of Stark Industries.
5. He’ll never be a threat to turn over control of the team to his personal assistant. More likely, he’d do so to Morgan Freeman.
May you be locked in a battle of wits against Jerry Manuel.
by BobbyV_Incognito on Sep 24, 2010 1:17 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
He also has a perfect ready-made GM....
And a Boy Wonder already in the system.
by MookieTheCat on Sep 24, 2010 1:18 AM EDT up reply actions
yea, this
Wayne pwns Stark. Also, he’s friends with Superman and might be able to convince him to play Center Field for us.
2009 Did Not Happen
Fuck Superman
we need capitalist Americans.
Save Jenrry Mejia!
In lobby for Josh Byrnes/Chip Hale as Mets 2011 GM/Manager.
Exclusion of Bruce Wayne is definitely a glaring omission
I just love the idea of Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark as owner.
by James Kannengieser on Sep 24, 2010 10:14 AM EDT up reply actions
I think when I conceived this I decided that Wayne would be a Yankees kind of guy
Although the same could be said for Gatsby and Scrooge I suppose.
by James Kannengieser on Sep 24, 2010 10:19 AM EDT up reply actions
Now way would Bruce Wayne be a Yankee fan
He’s all about the common man.
Save Jenrry Mejia!
In lobby for Josh Byrnes/Chip Hale as Mets 2011 GM/Manager.
Bruce Wayne would be a Yankees fan
but when he emerged from the cave as Batman, he would be a Mets fan… with a cape!
Bruce Wayne is a White Sox fan
And Tony Stark is a Dodgers fan. Don’t you guys watch the movies?
The Mets should be owned by a Professor Xavier. He lives in New York and would know what all the other owners are thinking.
Of course, there is another gazillionaire fictional character who’s a Mets fan… Jerry Seinfeld!
Hmmmm....
Interesting. We need a list of all confirmed Mets fan celebrities/fictional characters…
We have:
Seinfeld.
Christie Brinkley.
Everyone on this List. Kudos to NY Sports Dog for doing the legwork. This is an impressive list.
by MookieTheCat on Sep 24, 2010 4:56 PM EDT up reply actions
This is also the only time you will ever see Joe Beningo....
On the same list as Steven Colbert.
by MookieTheCat on Sep 24, 2010 4:57 PM EDT up reply actions
I could've sworn Sandler was a Yankees fan.
Save Jenrry Mejia!
In lobby for Josh Byrnes/Chip Hale as Mets 2011 GM/Manager.
I also find it funny that Jon Stewart isn't a stereotypical self-hating Jew (no disrespect intended)
but he is a self-hating Mets fan.
Save Jenrry Mejia!
In lobby for Josh Byrnes/Chip Hale as Mets 2011 GM/Manager.
Just because the principle shooting for TDK was in Chicago
doesn’t mean Bruce Wayne is a Dodgers fan. And I don’t remember anything about the Dodgers in Iron Man, nut I didn’t see Iron Man 2 so idk about that.
Save Jenrry Mejia!
In lobby for Josh Byrnes/Chip Hale as Mets 2011 GM/Manager.
I would trust Tony to get the job done as owner. Bruce would fail.
He can’t bring himself to kill The Joker, how can you expect him to can Nomar?
Work is the scourge of the drinking classes.-Oscar Wilde
by Dash Williams on Sep 24, 2010 2:21 PM EDT up reply actions
How is Mr. Burns not a candidate? He already has experience!
"WHO WOULD LEAD?! THE CLOWN?!"
by I'mGivingYouARaise on Sep 24, 2010 2:46 AM EDT reply actions
look at that roster..and think of how many played or wound up on the yankees
sickening.
I hate Philadelphia so much.
I lobby for Jay Gatsby as owner
"I bet you'd lobby her, you horny 15 year old!" -Brooklyn Dodgers Mets Fan
He'd probably only be interested if Daisy is a Mets fan.
by EricAColucci on Sep 24, 2010 12:18 PM EDT up reply actions
her husbands probably a yankees fan
he’d just dispatch her to sabotage us
mediocrity thy name is Wilpon- jdon
Wait,
Which Obi-Wan? The one from the original trilogy or the one from the newer trilogy? Cause I would lobby for the original Obi-Wan.
If there's ever a riot at Citi Field and Oliver Perez was the starter, I started the riot.
that Obi-Wan is from the original
"Fantasy, reality, science Fiction. Which is which? Who can tell?"
About your third GM choice:
I see a man without a country. Not hard enough for this right here, and maybe, just maybe, not smart enough for them out there.
Give me Marlo instead. He’d just have the Phillies and Yankees killed.
2009 Did Not Happen
Who is going to be the team president?
I lobby for Professor X
I would say Professor X for bench coach
His telepathic abilities would be great for discerning when the other team is going to steal, pitch out, etc.
I lobby for this guy to replace Kevin Burkhardt
by secret defense on Sep 24, 2010 11:45 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Yes!
"Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O! Wretched mortals, open your eyes!"
Gil Hodges IS a Hall of Famer.
by Brooklyn Dodgers Mets Fan on Sep 24, 2010 12:19 PM EDT up reply actions
i second this
Hey, wait! I'm having one of those things. You know? A headache with pictures?
by KeithsMoustache on Sep 24, 2010 1:38 PM EDT up reply actions
Oh my god Win
Consequences will never be the same.
by NetsMets4Life on Sep 24, 2010 6:30 PM EDT up reply actions
Sorry, but I'm pretty Boras
is like Jabba the Hutt and he would just laugh while wiggling his slimy tounge at Jedi mind tricks.
Stringer Bell as manager = World Series.
Hey String! Where Frenchy at man? String!? Where Frenchy at?
Owner: Cyrus the Virus(Con Air)
General Manager-Ratso Rizzo(Midnight Cowboy)
Manager-Raymond Babbit(Rain Man)
Team Doctor-T3000
TeamSpokesman/Media Relation-Ms.Doubtfire(Ms.Doubtfire)
SCORE FOR R.A DICKEY
R.A Dickey=2011 N.L CY YOUNG AWARD WINNER
by The American Mr.Hockey on Sep 24, 2010 1:13 PM EDT reply actions
couldnt we use the medical droid from Empire as the for medical staff
That guy gave luke a fully functional robot hand!!!!!
I hate Philadelphia so much.
Voltron can finally get his robot legs!
Save Jenrry Mejia!
In lobby for Josh Byrnes/Chip Hale as Mets 2011 GM/Manager.
I think a Terminator would simply euthanize any injured players, rather than actually heal them.
And there is a point where that becomes detrimental to the team.
May you be locked in a battle of wits against Jerry Manuel.
by BobbyV_Incognito on Sep 24, 2010 5:53 PM EDT up reply actions
I can't help but think we will wind up
with O.K. Crackerby
Mets manager...Tommy DeVito from Goodfellas.
He’d be the total opposite of Jerry Manuel. He’d be cracking jokes and then a media member would say he’s funny and he’d threaten to shoot them. He would have the most entertaining post game press conferences for sure.
Chamption of the R.A. Dickey Face contest and "Cromulent Photoshopper Extraordinaire" of Amazin' Avenue!
Too bad I don't know what Cromulent means.
by Steve Schreiber on Sep 24, 2010 1:44 PM EDT reply actions
Whatever you do...
Don’t bring up shoeshines.
by MookieTheCat on Sep 24, 2010 2:28 PM EDT up reply actions
Lou Brown
could we endure all his “gut” decisions, like bringing in Vaughn to face Haywood? Or leaving a guy in “to see how he reacts”?
When you have young, unproven players
that stuff isn’t so bad.
Save Jenrry Mejia!
In lobby for Josh Byrnes/Chip Hale as Mets 2011 GM/Manager.
I want Brian Sweeney Fitzgerald (Klaus Kinski) for GM
because when he wants something, there’s nothing he won’t do to get it.
Here are some "real" characters
Mets Minor League Coordinator: Mark Himmelstein (MIA)
Mets Bio-Research and Development Leading Scientist: Brain Socks!
Mets Pitching Coach: Tuuu Timp
Mets Head Scouting and Sniping: Anton Chigurh
Mets Manager: Sitebot
Sitebot is more of a PR guy though.
Save Jenrry Mejia!
In lobby for Josh Byrnes/Chip Hale as Mets 2011 GM/Manager.
Fixed.
Sitebot is more of a PR guy though.
by MookieTheCat on Sep 24, 2010 3:15 PM EDT up reply actions
Some AA Types.
Mets Minor League Coordinator: squid92, and about 300 scouting advisers.
Mets Trainer: Dr. Oliver Sacks
Mets Pitching Coach: Patches O’Houlihan.
Mets Hitting Coach: Staff Sergeant Danny Donowitz.
Mets Head of Scouting: Captain Marko Ramius.
Mets Assistant to the Traveling Secretary: Need I say it?
Mets General Manager: Acid Burn.
Mets Manager: Crash Override/Zero Cool.
Mets Head of PR and Marketing: jerseys
Cue MS Paint of Boba falling into the Dickey Sarlacc
by James Kannengieser on Sep 24, 2010 3:54 PM EDT up reply actions
GRISSION
Consequences will never be the same.
by NetsMets4Life on Sep 24, 2010 6:37 PM EDT up reply actions
Leroy Jethro Gibbs for Manager.
He wouldn’t put up with any lackadasical play
Don’t run out a grounder=headslap
Fail to catch a pop-up=headslap
the “ole bull****”=2 headslaps
For PR Director, not an improvement, but would make sense
Mohammad Saeed al-Shahhaf, Saddam’s information minister:It’s all ok folks, the enemy will be defeated shortly…
Mookie Wilson still hoping to win it for New York. 3 and 2 the count, and the pitch by Stanley, and a ground ball, trickling, it is a fair ball...GETS BY BUCKNER...rounding 3rd Knight...the Mets will win the ball game. The Mets win. They win! --Bob Murphy
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
Related FanPosts on Amazin' Avenue
Related FanShots on Amazin' Avenue
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recommended FanPosts
Recent FanPosts
FanShots
Quick hits of video, photos, quotes, chats, links and lists that you find around the web.
Recommended FanShots
Recent FanShots
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recommended FanPosts
Recent FanPosts
Baseball Nation Recent Stories
In Association With
Big League Stew - MLB - Yahoo! Sports
- Snoop Dogg delivers memorable first pitch at U.S. Cellular Field
- The Juice: Mesoraco’s grand slam helps Reds complete four-game sweep of Braves
- Please hold: Indians’ Joe Smith jumps the gun on relief appearance
- Local radio host honors Cubs’ Tony Campana with parody song
- Roy Halladay bobblehead with glove on wrong hand selling on MLB.com
