AAOP: A True Believer's Marvel-ous Plan

Bumped from FanPosts. The Amazin' Avenue Offseason Plan contest is underway, and here's one example of the many great entries we have already received. You, too, can make a plan. It's your plan, and your plan, you like your plan. The authors of the first, second, and third place plans will receive Amazon gift cards. -- Chris
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My AAOP begins with an admittedly tricky two-part step:

a)      discover a way to bring Marvel Comics heroes to life, and

b)      convince them to play baseball rather than fight crime.

I don’t know how to do a).  I will leave that to the management team since they are pretty clever.  As for b), my theory is that the heroes will be so happy to be alive and in a world without MODOK that they will not only play for the Mets if asked, but also sign for the minimum.

So let us consider these hurdles cleared and move on…

FIRST BASE:

Giant Man aka Ant-Man aka Henry Pym aka Yellowjacket

We have no idea if Ike Davis will ever be the same player after that wierdo ankle injury. So we replace him with someone who can replicate his rangy defense at first - the amazing Giant Man! Then he can shrink down to the size of an ant when he is at bat to draw walks Eddie Gaedel-style.

Potential drawbacks: as an alcoholic spousal abuser, he would have difficulty adjusting to professional sports.

SECOND BASE:

Longshot

This spectacularly agile space mutant has the ability to psionically alter probability fields, allowing incredibly unlikely events to occur in his favor. He could use this superhuman "luck" to actually become everything people think David Eckstein is. And we would be treated to a spring training full of GKR talking about what a "longshot" he is to make the team.

Potential drawbacks: Only has three fingers on each hand, would need custom gloves . Also that last thing I said.

THIRD BASE:

David Wright

I like him.

Potential drawbacks: Unclutch loser.

SHORTSTOP:

Jose Reyes 

Offer him a ten year, $250 million deal to discourage other suitors, and use Longshot's luck powers to protect his hamstrings. BOOM

Potential drawbacks: none

LEFT FIELD:

Spider-Man

Even if they don't lower the wall in left, Spidey would be able to scale it to rob home runs. His wisecracking would keep the clubhouse loose.

Potential drawbacks: spider sense would tingle constantly near the bleachers in Citizen's Bank Park

CENTER FIELD

Angel

Not Angel Pagan, ha ha! Do you see what I did there? There is a superhero called Angel, and I am putting him on the team in his position! He could use the same jersey, if they used first names on jerseys instead of last names! ALSO HE CAN FLY

Potential drawbacks: kind of sucks

RIGHT FIELD

Captain America

Possesses maximum human strength, agility and speed, plus would be the best leader $400K could buy. He is like a super powered Derek Jeter, but with a soul.

Potential drawbacks: signing might offend Nazi fans

CATCHER:

Wolverine

You want grission? He's got your grission right here, bub. With his adamantine skeleton and claws he would not only block the plate, but could slice baserunner's legs off while doing so. Also his regenerative healing power would help protect him from the Mets medical staff.

Potential drawbacks: Canadian.

UTILITY:

Galactus

Technically he is a villain, but his near-omnipotence should provide him the versatility to sub at any position.

Potential drawbacks: would almost certainly devour the planet

STARTING PITCHING:

RA Dickey

Praise him!

Potential drawbacks: superheroes might get jealous of how awesome he is

Thor

If he can throw a baseball as accurately as he does his hammer, we will be in business. And if we are ahead after five innings he can summon a lightning storm. GAME OVER

Potential drawbacks: long hair

Doctor Strange

The Sorceror Supreme of the Cosmos would be more than a match for the mundanity of a batter's feeble attempts. Also if Superman showed up he could fight him, because Superman is weak against magic.

Potential drawbacks: magic = unfair?

Jonathon Niese

I think everyone else is a righty, so Niese can stay. But the good news is between these guys we should be able to go to a four man rotation.

Potential drawbacks: looks kind of like Hawkman, could be confusing

CLOSER:

Hawkeye

If they let him stick the baseball on the end of an arrow and shoot it at home plate, he should be very successful. Otherwise just send Strange out there.  Or Santana.

Potential drawbacks: former West Coast Avenger. Would he try to sign with LA?

BULLPEN:

Parnell, Acosta, DJ Carrasco, Byrdak, Santana, Hawkeye, and Godzilla

BENCH:

Josh Thole, Ike Davis, Danel Murphy, Jason Bay, Justin Turner, Galactus the Devourer of Worlds

MANAGER:

Professor Charles Xavier

Terry Collins did a pretty darn good job last year, but the opportunity to bring on the world's most powerful telepath is just too good to pass up. Not to mention that with his CEREBRO-enhanced ability to locate young mutants, he could effectively scout Latin America for new talent to bolster the farm system.

Potential drawbacks: dugout not wheelchair accessible; might get all goody-two-shoes about using his brain powers to "cheat"

Total cost:  $97.3 million

As you can see this presents an extremely cost effective way to improve the team rapidly, and requires only the shattering of all the most basic laws of physics and common sense. Your move, AlDePoDi! Excelsior!!