Yes, I know...this should be a Fanshot, but what the hell.
Also, I hope this doesn't offend anyone, as it is not intended that way. Read on after the jump.
1 “I am the Dickey, who brought you out of the basement, out of the house of mom. You shall have no other Dickeys before Me.
2 “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is on the scoreboard above, or that is on the field beneath, or that is in the dugout; you shall not bow down to the Phillies nor serve them. For I, the Dickey, am a knuckleballer, visiting the parks of teams who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Facial Expression alive in the internetz.
3 “You shall not take the name of the Dickey in vain, for the Dickey will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
4 “Remember the fifth day, to keep it holy. Four days you shall labor and do all your work, but the fifth day is the day of the Dickey. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. On the fifth day you shall watch The Dickey pitch and rejoice. For in five days the Dickey made the rotation, the lineup, and all that is in them, and rested the sixth day. Therefore the Dickey blessed the fifth day and hallowed it.
5 “Honor your father and your mother, that they may continue to let you live in the basement, and your days may be long watching the awesomeness which the Dickey is giving you.
6 “You shall not throw at people's heads.
7 "You shall not commit balks.
8 "You shall not allow the steal.
9 “You shall not allow Kevin Burkhardt to interview you and ask the same dumb questions.
10 “You shall not covet your opponents fastball; you shall not covet your opponents slider, nor his curveball, nor his female servant, nor his Lamborghini, nor his contract, nor anything that is your opponent's.”
Thus spoke The Dickey.