“CitiField sucks, I made this place too damn big and we can’t hit for sh*t”

“Dickey smells, something’s growing in that beard of his”

“Terry Collins?  Screw that moron, I rather hang with Tom Collins”

“Yea I let Alyssa Milano put a store in my park, who doesn’t want to play “who’s the boss?” with that chick?”

“Murph’s swing reminds me of my 12 year old granddaughter’s piñata party”

“Thole?  He’s a puss – quit Twitter, couldn’t take my anonymous Tweets”

“Hey next time Frankie wants to punch out an old guy send him my way, they won’t recognize him back in Caracas”

“Just did a line with Keith in the bathroom, that guy still brings quality stuff”

“You believe this Jason Bay guy left on maternity leave?  He went back to help deliver his baby?  Knowing Jason he left him stranded in the umbilical cord”

“Maternity leave? What’s next? I gotta put tampons in the clubhouse vending machines?”

“My son Jeff’s a good kid, a really dumbass adult but a really good kid.”

“Yep, Bernie took the fall – hey, one of us had to”