Thoughts on the new Marlins stadium

This was going to be a comment reacting to the size of that Marlins atrocity that supposedly has to do with hitting homeruns, but after looking up info on the stadium and getting out more thoughts I figured: what the heck, there haven't been enough fanposts on AA lately and maybe we can discuss some of the other poorly designed aspects of the new stadium. I was actually trying to work on other stuff, but kept coming back to this over-sized atrocity in my mind. To the jump!

First, you might want to check out Grant Brisbee's piece on the atrocity, and the fanshot Bobby Baseball posted here on AA: here.

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I needed to know the size, so I tried to use the above picture for reference to determine approximate heights. It's angled and I am lazy, but I think it will give a ballpark estimate. Assuming the pickup trucks are 6 feet tall, the red arch is between 20-22 feet tall, the turquoise between 30-32 feet tall, the orange between 40-42 feet tall, and the yellow between 50-52 feet tall. This picture was annoyingly angled though, and I certainly wasn't going for ultimate accuracy using gimp software to measure pixels at guessed angles, but the pattern of adding ten feet was consistent, and the yellow arch looks approximately twice the size of the red one, so I would believe it. Then I read this on wiki:

Dead center field is expected to have a home run feature akin to Citi Field's Home Run Apple but different in design and feel. The piece, designed by Red Grooms, will be located behind the outfield wall, partially visible during a game. It is expected to be between 50 feet (15 m) to 60 feet (18 m) tall, with bright pink, blue, aqua, and orange colors along with many moving parts. The art feature will rise from a pool of Grooms-designed water and dotted with clouds, pelicans and seagulls. Marlins will jump and laser lights will shine. The home run feature is budgeted at $2.5 million and included in the $515 million cost of the 37,000-seat retractable roof ballpark under construction.

And I was like, what the...it's going to rise up out of something??? How is that even going to work? Are they going to start digging into the Earth? Because they won't be able to hide it behind the wall. And what is Grooms-designed water? Or is that just a typo? Then I saw this picture Brisbee posted in the comments section, and noticed something even bigger (TWSS)

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See it? Above the atrocity, take your eyes away for a second, blink some, now breath and look again. I am talking, of course, about the giant video board that makes the old giant scoreboard from Shea look, well, less giant (man do I miss that). Assuming the atrocity is 50 feet tall, that board is about 60 feet tall and nearly 75 feet wide; in other words, it is just the right size to take out all of the fans (and by fans I mean people seeking shelter from a hurricane) in the right field bleachers - and maybe Cogz4Jeezeus in the process. Maybe they can zoom in on the catchers signs during at-bats to give an advantage to the hitter, that view would make a sperm whale feel inadequate.

This stadium also has a swimming pool, real original guys, as well as aquariums as the backstop. I would feel terrible for the poor fish, but it would be hilarious if that 'backstop' somehow broke during the game - plus, the flopping fish would be appropriate consider specifically the 1998 and 2004 versions of the <strong>Florida</strong> Marlins. I guess that from a business perspective, you are selling the entire experience at the stadium, and need some strong drawing cards (and by that I mean visuals for an acid trip or, since it's Miami, ecstasy rolling); and the old saying is that no publicity is bad publicity, right? I mean, people are talking about the Marlins again.

They also brought over the rather large dimensions their old stadium, Shit'on'us field I think it was called, and the dumb 'Bermuda triangle' that shifts everything to the right of CF back 5 feet. The power alleys are both 385+ feet, with what looks like 10+ foot walls, so homeruns aren't likely to be easy, except down the lines. No wonder Albert Pujols turned down the money and chance to join the Marlins next one year wonder, he saw the blue prints and did not want to become the next David Wright (hope that didn't hurt your groin area too much). If I was the city of Miami or the county of Miami-Dade, then I would be asking for my 360 million dollars back - or Jeff Loria's ass in jail for theft and graffiti on public property.

Isn't the whole point of a baseball stadium to provide a venue for fans to watch...wait for it... baseball? Give me this, and nothing more. Why all the distractions Florida Miami Marlins? Trying to take the attention off the weird new logo and uniforms? This looks wrong for so many reasons

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Trying to attract ravers to pre-game and enjoy a roll? Trying to copy other teams while still being original? Or do you guys just have that poor of taste in style that you thought this stadium could be cool?

Some people will say that this is just fun. Go big or go home is what they will tell you, and at least they went big - like 50+ feet big. But this is just ridiculous - the whole stadium, the uniforms, and especially the fact that they likely won't be able to afford this time in one years time. Did you notice the giant palm trees out there? Someone mentioned lack of seats? Yeah, it holds only 37,000 people. They might as well put a roller coaster out there, just make sure it goes through the atrocity several times. People need something to do to distract themselves during the baseball game after all, and that line would wrap around the stadium for sure. They could even do the wave as they waited in line! Oy vey.