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fxcarden's Nightly Rant! - Vol. I, No. 2 (August, 2011)

Vol. I: No. 1 | No. 2 | No. 3 | No. 4 | No. 5 | JfM (2011)

Vol. II: No. 6 | No. 7 | No. 8 | No. 9 | No. 10 | ... | JfM (2012)

fxcarden's Nightly Rant! - Vol. I, No. 2 (August, 2011)

Contents:

15. MIKE PELFERY AND DAVID RIGHT
16. WILL THIS SHIT EVER END
17. RAIN RANT
18. CAN THIS TEAM SCOAR SOME RUNS
18.5. WHAT TEH FUCK (1)
19. WHAT A BUNCH OF SHIT (1)
20. YEAH SURE
21. THIS SEASON CANT END FAST ENOUGH
CT. OK THAT DUZ IT IVE SEEN ENUF WTF FXCARDEN LEAVING IT UP 2 ME TO RANT ABOUT THIS PEACE OF CARP
CTa. NO WORRYS
22. WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO
23. METEOR SHOWER
24. BAH - THEY WILL BLOW IT IN THE 9TH
25. OH MY GOD (2)
26. SURE NOW DAVID WRONG HAS A NICE GAME
27. REALLY GUISE THIS IS BULLSHIT
27a. OH YEAH AND I FORGOT ONE THING
28. THE SHITFEST CONTINUES
29. OF ALL THE NIGHTS
30. LET ME GET RIGHT TO IT
31. THIS IS HOW BAD THINGS HAVE GOTTEN
31.5. SANDY OLDERSAN
32. ITS TOO BAD THIS JEROME GUY IS LEAVING US
33. IRENE RANT
34. I CANT BELIEVE I AM MISSING A DOUBLE HEADER

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15. MIKE PELFERY AND DAVID RIGHT

NEED TO BE TRAIDED OFF THIS TEAM PELFERY CAN NEVER BEAT TEH MARLENS AND DAVID RIGHT KEEPS MAKING BAD THROWS TO EVERY BASE HE IS GOING TO GET SOMEONE HURT JUST LIKE HE GOT IKE DAVID HURT BY STEPPING ON HIM POOR KID IS COLLECTING UNEMPLOYMENT AND MAY NEVER PLAY AGAIN IF THEY HAVE TO CUT OFF HIS FOOT BUT NOOOOOOOO DAVID RIGHT IS A RICH BITCH AND HE IS SELLING HIS CONDO GETTING READY FOR WHEN SANDY OLDERSON TRAIDS HIS ASS TO THE PADERS FOR HELLS BELLS AND LET ME TELL YOU THAT MAY BE THE BEST TRAID EVAR BECAUSE BELL IS A WINNAR AND MINAYA SHOULD HAVE NEVER TRAIDED HIM AND LET ME TELL YOU GUYS SOMETHING MINAYA WASNT THAT BAD HE GAVE US LATIN PLAYARS WHO COULD PLAY HARD LIKE ALEX CORE INSTEAD OF THIS GUY DUDA WHO CANT GET OUT OF HIS OWN WAY I TELL YOU THIS TEAM ISNT GOING ANYWHERE NOT EVEN IF THEY REALINE THE LEAGUE BECAUSE THERE WILL ALWAYS BE 2 TEAMS BETTER THATS RIGHT THE PHILLEIS AND THE BRAVES BECAUSE THOSE GMS ARE SMART AND THE MANAGERS KNOW HOW TO CONTROL THEYRE PLAYARS NOT LIKE COLLENS AND WARTHAN WHO BOTH SUCK AND BABY THESE GUYS TO DEATH I MEAN LOOK AT THIS GAME WE ARE GOING TO GET BEAT BY JUAN VASQUIS OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS YEAH SO WHAT IF JAYSON BAY HIT A HR PELFERY WILL GIVE IT RIGHT BACK TO THAT BONERFASCIA GUY WE SHOULD PROBABLY TRADE FOR HIM BECAUSE HE IS GOOD AND CAN HELP US IN 2019 WHEN SANTANA IS FINALLY ABLE TO PITCH IN A GAME

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16. WILL THIS SHIT EVER END

HAVING LITTLE KIDS IN THE BOOTH DOESNT HELP HAVE YOU HEARD OF CHILD LABOR LAWS MR OLDERSAN WHAT YOU NEED IS PLAYARS WHO CAN CATCH TEH BALL AND PICHARS WHO CAN GET BATTERS OUT INSTEAD OF GIVING UP HRS TO SHITTY PLAYARS AND SPEAKING OF SHITTY THINGS HOW ABOUT THIS SNY IF ITS NOT THE JETER EDGE SHIT ITS THE PEOPLE WITH NO FINGARS OR THE GUY THAT CANT BREAF BECAUSE HIS LUNGS ARE FALLING OUT OF HIS ASS THIS ORGANIZATION IS SO FUCKED UP ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY ANYMORE IN THE MEANTIME THE GOOD TEAMS LIKE THE PHILLIES AND THE BRAVES KEEP WINNING AND YOU KNOW WHY MR OLDERSAN BECAUSE THEY DON’T PLAY GAMES AND THEY DON’T ALLOW LITTLE FUCKING KIDS IN THEIR BOOTH THAT’S RIGHT THEY ARE PROFESINALS AND PLAY THE GAME RIGHT AND WIN TEH CHAMPTIONSHITS AND ANOTHER THING WHAT ARE THE CHANCES THAT TWO KIDS ARE IN THE BOOTH WHILE PLAYARS HIT HRS THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW THEY CAN HIT WHEN THEY WANT TO BUT MOST OF THE TIME THEY DONT GIVE A SHIT AND JUST WANT THEYRE PAYCHECKS THIS WHOLE TEAM IS A FUCKING JOKE NOT LIKE TRUE FANS LIKE MRS METSFAN4DECADES WHO WAS WATCHING THE GAMES AND SHOWING HER LOYALTY ON TEH GAME THREADS OF THIS VERY SITE EVEN AS THE DOCTOR WHO WAS A YANKEE FAN WAS CUTTING HER OPEN MAYBE THE DOCTOR LEFT A CHAMPTIONSHIT RING INSIDE HER AND SHE DESERVES IT MOAR THAN YOURE LAZY ASS PLAYARS

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17. RAIN RANT

WHAT TEH FUCK WITH THIS WEATHER ONE DAY ITS SUNNY THE NEXT DAY IT RAINS HELLO HELLO MR. GORE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THE WORLD WAS FINE BEFORE YOU OPENED YOUR BIG MOUTH AND NOW EVEN THE POLAR BEARS ARE SUCKING WIND THE OTHER DAY IT WAS 108 DEGREES IN NEWARK I BET YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT IT YOU HAD KEPT YOUR MOUTH SHUT IT WOULD HAVE SNOWED YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE NOW BECAUSE OF YOU WE ARE DENIED THE PLEASURE OF WATCHING A BASEBALL GAME WITH OUR BELOVED NEW YOUR METS DO YOU KNOW THAT I SENT MY PARENTS IN BOMBAY THEIR FAVORITE SEATS FROM SHEA STADIUM USING MY CITI POINTS YEAH THATS WHAT I THOUGHT YOU COULD CARE LESS BECAUSE ALL YOU WANT IS FOR THE WEATHER TO BE FUCKED UP SO YOU CAN GET ANOTHER NOBEL PRIZE YOU FUCKING SACK O’ SHIT

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18. CAN THIS TEAM SCOAR SOME RUNS

JESUS CRIST THIS IS THE WOARST TEAM I HAVE EVAR SEEN PLAYING IN THE WOARST FIELD EVER BUILT BY MAN THE ONE TIME DAVID WRONG HITS THE BALL ON THE NOSE THE FUCKING 100 FOOT FENCE GETS IN THE WAY I MEAN HUDSON IS NOT A GREAT PICHAR ANYMORE SO WHAT IS THE PROBLEM FELLAS DO YOU MISS THE NEEDLES IN THE BUTT WITH THE CLEAR SUBSTANCE THAT MAKES YOU HIT THE BALL A COUNTRY MILE AND ANOTHER THING HOW COULD OLDERSAN TRAID BELTRAN FOR A PICHAR THAT IS YEARS AWAY LOOK AT THE RECORD SINCE BELTRAN LEFT NOT VERY GOOD RIGHT WELL THAT IS BECAUSE THE ONLY GUY THAT COULD HIT THE BALL IS DOING IT FOR ANOTHER TEAM YOU STUPID IDIOT WHY DONT YOU TAKE YOUR LIGHTSABER METRICS TO TEH YANKEES AND FUCK THEM UP YOU CAN SEND US ALL THEYRE GOOD PLAYARS THATS RIGHT SEND US JETAR SEND US TEJERA AND SEND US THAT FAT PICHAR I FORGOT HIS NAME WHAT IS IT AGAIN CC SABBATH OR SOMETHING.

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18.5. WHAT TEH FUCK (1)

I FOLLOW THIS TEAM RELIGIOUSLY AND THEY WAIT UNTIL I CANT WATCH TO PLAY GOOD AND WIN A BALLGAME MR. OLDERSAN I HAVE ONE WORD FOR YOU AND THAT IS FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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19. WHAT A BUNCH OF SHIT (1)

HOSAY REYASS CANT STAY ON THE FIELD TERRY COLLINS IS TO BLAME FOR PLAYING THIS GUY EVERYDAY WITHOUT A DAY OFF NOW WE WONT HAVE HIM FOR A MONTH THERE GOES THE PENNANT RACE HA HA HA HA AND ANOTHER THING THIS GUY TURNER CANT CATCH A COLD SO WHAT IF HE HIT 2 HOMERS LAST NIGHT AND LET ME TELL YOU GEE ISNT THAT GOOD HE HAS LIKE 15 HBP ALREADY THIS YEAR HE WONT BE AROUND NEXT YEAR HE WILL GO TO THE BRAVES WHERE THEY WILL TEACH HIM HOW TO PITCH INSTEAD OF THE GARBAGE THAT WARTHEN TEACHES THESE GUYS JOHN NIECE GOT PUSHED AROUND LAST NIGHT GOOD THING THAT THEYRE PICHAR HAD A BAD GAME IF NOT WE LOSE THAT GAME TOO I TELL YOU I HAVE SEEN ENOUGH I AM READY FOR CURLING SEASON HELLO HELLO MR OLDERSAN YOU ARE LIKE THE GUY THAT DOES THE FLASH MOB AT GRAND CENTRAL BY HIMSELF BECAUSE HE DIDN’T GET THE MEMO YOU SHOULD DUMP THE BLACKBERRY AND GET AN IPHONE MAYBE YOU WILL GET IT THEN

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20. YEAH SURE

BEAT UP ON THE LOWLY PADRES WHO ARE YOU KIDDING YOURE PICHAR CANT EVEN STAND UP STRAIGHT ON THE MOUNT THATS BECAUSE HE IS TOO BUSY LICKING HIMSELF AND ANOTHER THING WHERE THE HELL WERE ALL THESE HOMARS DURING THE LAST SIRIUS AGAINST TEH BRAVES THAT IS THE STORY WITH THIS TEAM ALWAYS A DAY LATE AND A DOLLAR SHORT OR IN THE WILPONS CASE 500 MILLION DOLLARS SHORT I MEAN LOOK AT THIS WE COULD HAVE HAD ORLANDO HUDSON WHAT 4 YEARS AGO I KNOW HE ISN’T A GREAT HITTER BUT AT LEAST HE HAS STAYED HEALFY AND LOOK AT HIS CREDENTILS HE HAS 4 GOLD GLOVES WHICH IS 4 MORE THAN ANYBODY ON THE METS HELLO HELLO MR OLDERSON EVERYBODY THINKS YOU ARE SO GOOD HOW COME THE PADRES NEVER WON ANYTHING WITH YOU IN CHARGE THATS BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO WIN TEH RINGZ YOU JUST WANT TO PUT THE CHEAPEST TEAM MONEY CAN BUY OUT THERE BUT THIS IS NEW YORK MR OLDERSAN WE NEED PLAYARS THAT HIT HOMARS AND ARE GOOD LIKE NICK SWITCHER FROM TEH YANKEES THAT GUY IS A WINNAR AND HE EVEN MADE A RECORD AS A CHARITY FOR KIDS INSTEAD OF WHAT DAVID WRONG DOES FOR KIDS ALL THE TIME STRIKEOUT YEAH THATS RIGHT 9 HOMARS FOR DAVID WRONG IN MID AUGUST THAT MAY WORK FOR WILLIAMSPORT BUT THESE GUYS GET PAID A LOT OF MONEY IN THIS ECONOMY DID YOU SEE THE STOCK MARKIT TODAY MR OLDERSAN THAT IS PRETTY MUCH THE STORY OF THE METS THEY SHOULD BE DOWNGRADED FROM MLB TO AA+ JUST LIKE GOVIRNMINT.

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21. THIS SEASON CANT END FAST ENOUGH

WE WIN 5, LOSE 5, OUR PLAYARS CANT STAY ON TEH FIELD BECAUSE THEIR ALL SOFT DAVID WRONG CANT RUN TEH BASES TO SAVE HIS LIFE IT WAS A MIRICLE THAT HE SCOARED LAST NIGHT BUT WHAT CAN YOU ASK FROM A GUY THAT HAS A BROKE BACK I MEAN THEY NAMED A MOUNTIN AFTER HIM LOL AND ANOTHER THING THIS PICHARS WE HAVE ARE HORRIBEL NOT ONE OF THEM CAN PITCH DEEP INTO A GAME AND THEN OUR BULLPEN SUKCS SO BAD MANNY ACOSTA SHOULD BE EXECUTED FOR SUKCING SO BAD I WANT TO BE THE ONE TO GIVE THE ORDER TO FIRE I WILL TELL THE SHOOTARS TO SHOOT OFF HIS HAIR FIRST, AND THEN SHOOT HIM IN THE BALLS OF COURSE THEY WILL ALL MISS BECAUSE HOW CAN YOU SHOOT SOMETHING THAT IS NOT THERE BUT ANYWAY YEAH THE METS ARE LIKE AN UGLY GIRLFRIEND THAT GIVES GOOD HEAD YOU CANT STAND IT BUT YOU CANT STAY AWAY EITHER EVERY NIGHT IS THE SAME SHIT PEOPLE GO TO THE GAME FULL OF HOPE AND COME OUT FULL OF ANGRY AND THEYRE WALLETS EMPTY BECAUSE TEH METS SUCK ALL THE MONEY OUT OF IT WITH A MACHINE THEY HAVE IN THE ROTUNDA THAT WOULD BE OK IF THEY ACTUALLY WON BASEBALL GAMES BUT NOOOOOO THEY HAVE TO SUCK AT THE ONE THING THEY SHOULD DO WELL HELLO HELLO MR OLDERSAN HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP US WAITING HELLO HELLO MR EARCORN OR WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS CAN WE SPEND YOUR 200 MILLION ON GOOD PLAYARS INSTEAD OF PAYING THE BANKS I MEAN DONT THEY HAVE ENOUGH MONAY ALREADY I TELL YOU GUYS YOU ARE ALL WASTING YOUR LIFE WATCHING THIS CRAP SAVE YOURSLEFS AND FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO

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...

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CT. OK THAT DUZ IT IVE SEEN ENUF WTF FXCARDEN LEAVING IT UP 2 ME TO RANT ABOUT THIS PEACE OF CARP

FRIST OF ALL BAXTER DOESNT BELONG IN RF HE DOENST BELONG ON MY CYO TEAM HELLO MR OLDERSAN WE NEED MAJOR LEEGERS WHO ARE WINNERZ NOT THIS REJECT NAMED FOR SOME DOG IN ANKERMAN HE CANT PLAY RIGHT AT CITY HE MESSED OF THE MOZONE AND HIS ARM LOOKS LIKE MY MOMS SHIT DICKEY DESERVEZ BETTER HE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE UP WITH BAZES LOADED THAT USELESS BAY SHOULD HJAVE BEEN UP TC NEED TO SHUFLE THIS LINEUP AND BAT THE PICTURE 5TH CUZ BAY CNT HIT AND TURNER MAYBE GOOD GLOV BUT HE WEAK TAPPER TO SHORT KILLS RALLY AND THE METS SHOLD BE CONTENDR BUT SUCK CAUSE OF SANDY

CTa. NO WORRYS

UR REGULAR SHCEDULED RANT WILL BE BACK TOMMORROW NITE CAUSE FX IS AT QUEENSRYCHE GOD I CANT BELIEVE HE DIDNT SCORE XTRA TIXETS

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22. WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO

I TAKE OFF ONE NIGHT TO GO SEE A BAND AND THIS TEAM FALLS APART WHAT A BUNCH OF SHIT AND THEN I AM STUCK WITH A DAY GAME FOR GOOD MEASURE CAN ANYBODY MAKE A SCHEDULE ANYMORE SO YEAH I AM AT THIS CONCERT LAST NIGHT SURROUNDED BY WOMEN BROADS IN THEIR 40s WHO THINK THEY ARE STILL HOT WEARING TIGHT PANTS AND SHIT AND THEIR FACES LOOK LIKE THE DOGS FROM GHOSTBUSTERS I MEAN SWEET BABY JESUS IF THIS IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY HAS TO LOOK FORWARD TO I AM SWIMMING BACK TO CUBA AT LEAST THERE THE CHICKS CAN DANCE SALSA WITHOUT FALLING OFF THEIR PLATFORM SHOES BUT ANYWAY BACK TO BASEBALL WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH PAGAN HE FUCKING SUCKS AND IS HURT ALL THE TIME I SAY LET HIM GO AND LETS GET KEN GRIFFEY AND WHILE WE ARE AT IT CAN WE GET RID OF THIS DICKEY GUY I MEAN I KNOW HE IS AN ICON AND ALL BUT HE REALLY SUCKS I DONT CARE HOW MANY MOUNTAINS HE CLIMBS IF HE DOESNT CLIMB MOUNT NITAKA AND LEAD US TO RINGZZZZ AND ANOTHER THING WHAT IS IT WITH THIS FUCKING STOCK MARKIT UP AND DOWN LIKE A YOYO JUST LIKE THE METS HELLO HELLO MR OLDERSAN CAN YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS ECONOMY AND DONT GIVE ME THIS SHIT ABOUT THE FUNDIMENTILS OF THE ECONOMY ARE SOUND LIKE THAT OLD GUY THAT WANTED TO BE PRESIDANT SAID IN 2008 WHAT WAS HIS NAME JUAN MCCANN OR SOMETHING I HEAR HE IS FROM ARIZONA WELL GUESS WHO ELSE IS FROM ARIZONA THATS RIGHT BIANCA JAGGER THE PRINCESS OF BIBS WHICH EVERYONE HERE SEEMS TO LIKE FOR SOME REASON

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23. METEOR SHOWER

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME THIS TEAM NEEDS TO GET WIPED OUT BY AN ASTEROID THAT LANDS RIGHT IN THE FUCKING ROTUNDA WHO TEH FUCK BUILDS A STADIUM AND PUTS IN A ROTUNDA THEY SPENT ALL THAT MONEY ON THAT SHIT INSTEAD OF GETTING GOOD PLAYARS AND LOOK AT TEH RESULT WE ARE STUCK WITH DYLAN FUCKING GEE AND ANGEL FUCKING PAGAN INSTEAD OF HAVEING A GOOD PICHAR LIKE CLIFF LEE OR A SLUGGAR LIKE UPTON I MEAN WHAT TEH FUCK ARE WE FANS SUPPOSED TO DO MR OLDERSAN CAN YOU GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOU’RE ASS AND MAKE SOME MOVES HERE BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE AND WE CANT CATCH TEH PHILLIES OR THE BRAVES AND ANOTHER THING WHEN THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO FIX THE FENCE AT THE BALLPARK SO PEOPLE CAN HIT HOMARS LIKE TEH YANKEES DO I MEAN THAT IS WHY THEY ALWAYS WIN AND ARE POPULAR BECAUSE THEY HIT TEH HOMARS WHICH IS WHAT FANS LIKE TO SEE WHO CARES ABOUT JOSAY REYASS HITTING TRIPLES HE ALWAYS GETS LEFT ON BASE ANYWAY BUT IF HE AND DAVID WRONG COULD HIT SOME HOMARS THEN THEY WOULD NOT BE LEFT ON BASE AND YOU KNOW WHY MR OLDERSAN BECAUSE THAT IS TEH RULE OF THE GAME YOU HIT THE BALL OVER TEH FANCE YOU GET A POINT AND ALL THE BASES ARE BELONG TO YOU

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24. BAH - THEY WILL BLOW IT IN THE 9TH

YEAH SO I HEAR MR DICKEY IS ON TEH TWITTER NOW BIG FUCKING DEAL HOW ABOUT YOU BE ON YOURE GAME MR DICKEY AND DELIVER ON ALL THE HOOPLA THAT LONG SUFFERING FANS HAVE CREATED BECAUSE OF YOUR PRESENCE ON THIS TEAM INSTEAD OF MAKING FUNNY FACES HOW ABOUT GETTING BATTARS OUT WHEN IT COUNTS MAYBE WILPON WILL RENAME THE ROTUNDA AFTER YOU AND CALL IT THE ROTUND DICKEY AND ANOTHER THING WHAT IS IT WITH THIS PELFERY CLOWN THROWING THE TEAM UNDER THE PROVERBIL BUS THAT IS NOT RIGHT IF YOU LOOK AROUND TEH LEAGUE OTHER TEAMS DONT DO THAT BECAUSE THEY PLAY THE GAME THE RIGHT WAY WITHOUT NEEDING TO SEE SHRINKS FOR CONFIDENCE BOO HOO HOO LOOK AT ME I AM 10 FEET TALL BUT I HAVE NO CONFIDENT AND CANT PITCH TO SAVE MY LIFE I MISS MY MOMMY IN OKLAHOME OR WHEREVER THE FUCK YOU ARE FROM YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES ME SAD YOU DO YOU JACKWAGON AND FOR THE REST OF YOU DONT GET ALL WET ABOUT THIS BAXTAR KID JUST REMEMBER THAT GUY EVANS HIT WHAT FIVE DOUBLES IN A ROW AND WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN AFTER THAT IT IS GOING TO TAKE DECADES FOR THIS TEAM TO COMPETE WITH THE GOOD TEAMS AND YOU KNOW WHY BECAUSE THEY KEEP GIVING US SCRUBS ON THE FIELD AND LIP SERVICE ON THE MEDIA

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25. OH MY GOD (2)

PRIDIE IS SUCH A POS HIS WOMAN MUST HAVE SUCKED HIS BRAIN OUT OF HIS HEAD HOW CAN YOU GET PICKED OFF LIKE THAT DONT YOU KNOW THIS GAME IS A MUST WIN I HAVE BEEN BUSY ALL DAY FINALLY SIT DOWN AND THIS IS THE FIRST PLAY I SEE YEAH SOME PEOPLE SAY BAD BAISBALL IS BETTER THEN NO BAISBALL BUT I SAY FUCK THAT I WANT TO SEE TEH GAME PLAID THE RITE WAY YOU FUCKING MORANS ARE YOU NOT IMBARRESD BY YOURE PERFORMINCE ON TEH FIELD OF PLAY EVEN TEH EMPIRES ARE LAFING AT YOU SOME OF YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF GOING TO THE ROCK SCHOOL CAMP MAYBE DAVE NAVARRO CAN SHOW YOU HOW TO PLAY THAT LICK AND SPEAKING OF LICKS PELFERY IS A PUNK WHAT WITH THE COMMENTS HE MADE THAT IS JUST UNPROFESSINAL AND WILL COST HIM WHEN MR OLDERSAN RELEASES HIS ASS BUT THEN AGAIN WITH THE HISTORY WE HAVE HE WILL SIGN WITH TEH YANKEES REPLACING THAT GUY WITH ALL TEH TATOOS WHAT IS HIS NAME O J BURNIT AND WILL WIN 6 SIGH YUNGS AND 7 OR 8 RINGZZZZZZ

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26. SURE NOW DAVID WRONG HAS A NICE GAME

WHERE THE HELL WAS HE WHEN HIS TEAM NEEDED HIM OH THATS RIGHT HE HAD A BOO BOO POOR BABY I TELL YOU GUISE HE IS NOT TEH ANSWER WE NEED MOAR PLAYARS LIKE NICK SWITCHER THAT GUY IS A GAMAR I DONT WANT TO HEAR THIS DEPASTA GUY BLOWING SMOAK UP MY ASS ABOUT THE YOUNG PLAYARS WE HAVE IN TEH MINORS WHO CARES I HAVE TOO WORDS ABOUT THAT FERNANDO MARTINEZ HE WAS WHAT A 7 OR 8 TOOL GUY BUT LOOK AT HIM NOW HE CANT EVEN TIE HIS SHOES BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL TOO YOUNG AND THEIR BONES ARE SOFT THIS NEMO GUY WE GOT HE WONT BE AROUND FOR LIKE 3 OR 4 YEARS IF THAT AND WHALER WILL ONLY PLAY UP HERE AFTER BOTH SHOULDERS AND ELBOWS ARE MRI AND CUT OPEN A FEW TIMES I TELL YOU ALL IS LOST WE MIGHT AS WELL TAKE UP KNITTING KAPS FOR KIDZ WHICH MAY BE A WORTHY CAUSE HELLO HELLO MR OLDERSAN WE DONT WANT NO CHARITY WE WANT A WINNAR SO WE DONT HAVE TO WATCH THE YANKEES AND PHILLIES IN THE WORLD SERIOUS EVERY FUCKING YEAR UNTIL WE DIE

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27. REALLY GUISE THIS IS BULLSHIT

I MEAN HOW MUCH LONGAR CAN THIS GO ON CAN THIS TEAM SHOW SOME RESPECT FOR THEYRE FANS AND PLAY TO WIN OH THATS RIGHT THE FUCKING GMS KEEP FILLING TEH ROSTAR WITH GALLSTONES WHICH ONLY LEADS TO ABOMINAL DISCOMFERT AND BOUTS OF DIZZINESS EVENTUALLY LEADING TO SURGERY AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS VERY APROPO FOR TEH METS THEY ALL SHOULD HAVE RANDOM SURGERIES MAYBE TEH DOCS CAN MAKE LIKE 10 GOOD PLAYARS USING PARTS FROM ALL 25 OR MAYBE 10 IS TOO MUCH MORE LIKE 3 OR 4 WHAT THIS TEAM NEEDS IS AN INFUSEN OF COJONES INSTEAD OF BEING A BUNCH OF POLITICAL CORRACT BOYS THAT GIVE GREAT INTERVIEWS AND TWATTER UPDATES BUT PLAY LIKE SHIT HELLO HELLO MR. OLDERSAN WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET YOURE HEAD OUT OF YOURE ASS AND GIVE US PRINCE FOLDER WHAT YOU THINK THIS IKE DAVID GUY IS COMING BACK YEA IN A WHEELCHAIR TO THROW OUT TEH FIRST PICH BECAUSE THAT IS ALL HE WILL BE ABLE TO DO WHEN YOU GUISE STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH HIM

27a. OH YEAH AND I FORGOT ONE THING

CAN YOU STOP WITH THE BAIT AND SWITCH MR. OLDERSAN WE WANT TO GET WHAT WE PAY FOR

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28. THE SHITFEST CONTINUES

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMOAR I WAS STUCK AT TEH FUCKING MALL TODAY OF ALL DAYS WHEN BACK TO SCHOOL IS IN FULL SUCK MODE I TELL YA FELLAS AVOID TEH SCHOOL AT ALL COST IN FACT YOURE PARENTS WILL THANK YOU FOR IT ESPECIALLY IN THIS ECONOMY AND ANOTHER THING THE ROADS ARE FULL OF FAT UGLY MOMS DRIVING MINIVANS STAY IN YOURE BASEMENTS AND BE SAFE MY FRIENDS BUT BACK TO BASEBALL I GOT HOME JUST NOW IN TIME TO SEE TEH MILWALKEES TAKE THE LEAD LATE IN THE GAME WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED AND ALSO WHY IS THIS OLD GUY ON THE MOUND AGAIN HELLO HELLO MR WILPON CAN YOU JUST FUCKING LOSE THE LAWSUIT ALREADY AND SELL THE TEAM TO SOMEONE THAT PUTS A ROSTER TOGETHER IN A COLD, PRECISE, AND WELL CALCULATED FASHION WITHOUT ALL THIS SENTIMENTAL SHIT

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29. OF ALL THE NIGHTS

I PICK THIS ONE TO HAVE THINGS TO DO AND PLACES TO GO MAYBE ITS A GOOD THING BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THE GAME IS OVER ALREADY AND THEY HAVENT EVEN THROWN A PITCH AND YOU KNOW WHY BECAUSE THIS WAY RUSS CANT ARGUE WITH TKFJ ALL NIGHT LONG BUT SERIASSLY TEH PHILLIES ARE TEH BEAST OF THE EAST TEH BEST TEAM IN BASEBALL I MEAN LOOK AT THAT LINEUP TALK ABOUT OVERMATCHED BUT ITS OK MR. OLDERSAN IS GOING TO GIVE US DYLAN GEE AND MANNY ACOSTA AGAINST RON HOWARD AND CHEZ UTELY AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OK BECAUSE WE ARE A BIG MARKET TEAM FELLAS OH YEAH AND DID YOU HEAR THIS ONE JOSAY REYASS IS GOING TO WALK SOON WORD HAS IT THAT HE WILL BE LIGHTLY JOGGING BY CHRISTMAS JUST IN TIME TO SIGN THAT BIG CONTRACT OH YEAH AND AS SOON AS JOHAN GETS HIS ARM BACK HE IS GOING TO PLAY GOLF TO PICK UP HOOKERS IN THE WOODS OOPS DID I SAY THAT I MEANT TO COMPETE AGAINST TIGER WOODS OF COURSE BECAUSE JOHAN SURE COULD USE TIGER AS A ROLE MODEL AND ANOTHER THING THEAR IS A HURRICANE COMING IT IS CALLED IRENE I HOPE IT TAKES PHILLY WITH IT THAT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY BUT EVEN WITH THAT THE METS CANT WIN THE DIVISION BECAUSE THEY SUCK WORSE THAN ANYTHING THAT EVER SUCKED BEFORE

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30. LET ME GET RIGHT TO IT

THIS TEAM COULD GIVE A SHIT IF THEY WIN OR LOSE THERE AINT ONE OF THESE FUCKS WHO CARES THE ENTIRE ORGANIZATION IS ROTTEN TOP TO BOTTOM WHEN THEY GET A NEW PLAYAR THEY TURN HIM TO SHIT INSIDE 2 YEARS IT ALWAYS HAPPENS WITH ONLY A FEW EXCEPTIONS AND THOSE GUYS USUALLY GET TRAIDED FOR MORE SHIT PLAYARS WHEN WILL IT STOP ALREADY YOU CAN CHANGE FRONT ORIFICE ALL YOU WANT BUT IN THE END IT IS THE SAME RESULT BECAUSE YOU CANT CUT OFF THE HEAD OF THE SNAIK HELLO HELLO MR OLDERSAN WHY DONT YOU PULL SOME STRINGS WITH YOUR BUDDY BUTT SELIG AND SEE IF THESE FUCKING OWNERS CAN BE RELIEVED OF THEYRE DUTIES INSTEAD OF THEM RELIEVING THEMSELFS ALL OVER US POOR SUFFERING FANS AND SPEAKING OF SUFFERING DID YOU GUYS HEAR THERE WAS AN EARFQUAIK TODAY AND CITIFIELD DID NOT SINK INTO THE GROUND I MEAN WE CANT CATCH A FUCKING BREAK AND ANOTHER THING WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS GADAFFI GUY NOBODY CAN FIND HIM I THINK HE MAY BE PLAYING FIRST BASE FOR TEH METS BUT I CANT BE SURE BECAUSE HE FADES IN AND OUT OF MY PICTURE I TELL YOU GUYS I NEED TO GET ME A NEW TILEVISSIN WITH THE HD MY EYES ARE FAILING ME

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31. THIS IS HOW BAD THINGS HAVE GOTTEN

WE HAVE PEOPLE CHECKING IN FROM AFRICA OF ALL PLACES I HEARD THAT TEH EVENING NEWS OVER THERE STARTED TEH SHOW WITH A FULL ACCOUNT OF TEH METS SUCKITUDE THEY TRIED TO GET AN INTERVIEW WITH SOME GUY NAMED MR. THECAT BUT HE WAS UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT I TELL YA FELLERS I CANT TAKE THIS ANY MOAR WHAT HAPPEN TO JOHN NIECE LAST NIGHT I ALWAYS THOUGH OF HIM AS ONE OF OUR GOOD PICHARS BUT NOW I AM NOT SO SURE I THINK I HEARD OJEDA LAST NIGHT COMPARE HIM TO CLIFF LEE I MEAN ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID OR SOMETHING THERE IS NO COMPARING THOSE TWO UNLESS YOU WANT TO SAY BOTH ARE LEFTYS BUT ANYWAY BACK TO THE AFRICA THING I WOULD LIKE TO ASK MR. THECAT TO COME BACK TO THE GOOD OLD US OF A SOON BECAUSE WE WANT TO SEE PICHERS AND WE WANT TO HEAR TEH STORIES OF HIS TIME THEAR HELPING TEH LOCALS LEARN HOW TO PLAY TEH BASEBALL MAYBE TEH NEXT JOSAY REYASS WILL COME FROM THEAR AND SPEAKING OF THAT GUY WHERE THE FUCK IS HE WE NEED HIM NOW NOT A MONTH FROM NOW

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31.5. SANDY OLDERSAN

IF YOU ARE LISTENING – DO NOT BRING BACK MIKE PELFERY -

SIGNED

METS FANS

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32. ITS TOO BAD THIS JEROME GUY IS LEAVING US

BUT I DONT BLAME HIM DONT BE FOOLED BY THIS CAPASTRANO GUY HE IS NOT THAT GOOD I AM SURE THE HURRYCAIN WILL DESTROY CITIFIELD AND WE WONT HAVE TO WATCH THIS CRAP ANYMOAR AND ANOTHER THING WHERE IS AL GOAR NOW THAT WE NEED HIM PROBABLY SCORING A BLOWJOB FROM LADY GAG BECAUSE SHE IS ANOTHER RETURD TREE HUGGIN BITCH LET ME TELL YOU IF AL GOAR HAD KEPT HIS MOUTH SHUT NONE OF THIS SHIT HAPPENS AND I DONT HAVE TO RUN ALL OVER THE STATE LOOKING FOR A GALLON OF WATER OR GAS AND 2 STINKING BATTRYS FOR MY FLASHLITE I HOPE YOU GUYS DONT FALL FOR THE HOOPLA ON TV THIS THING AINT GONNA DO SHIT BUT NO MATTER WHAT IT WILL BE THE CONGRESS FAULT FOR TAKING SO LONG TO PASS A BUDGET I MEAN IF WE HAD A BUDGET WE COULD HAVE PAID IRENE TO GO TURN TRICKS IN CANADA AND SEND JAYSON BAY THERE TO HELP OUT BUT ANYWAY DID YOU SEE ALL THE ELECTED OFFICIALS ON TV TALKING BIG ABOUT HOW GOOD THEY PLAN EVERYTHING IN THE INTEREST OF TEH PUBLIC HA HA HA HA THEY MIGHT AS WELL HAVE JUST SAID VOTE FOR ME I HAZ A PLAN BUNCH OF FUCKING MORANS

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33. IRENE RANT

FUCKING BITCH OF A STORM KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT MAKING SURE THE POWER STAYED ON SO THE BASEMENT WOULD STAY DRY. ABOUT 10 AM THERE WAS SO MUCH RAIN THAT 2 SUMP PUMPS COULD NOT KEEP UP AND I HAD TO RESORT TO THE PUMP OF LAST RESORT AND WHAT IS IT WITH THE FUCKING WIND 7 HOURS AFTER THE STORM PASSED

HEY IRENE = FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

STILL, I HAD BETTER LUCK THAN SOME OF MY NEIGHBORS – PROBABLY A YANKEE FAN…..

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34. I CANT BELIEVE I AM MISSING A DOUBLE HEADER

WHEN TEH METS ARE ACTUALLY PLAYING GOOD YOU KNOW LIKE TEH YANKEES PLAY GOOD ALL TEH TIME IF ITS NOT ONE THING ITS 10 OTHERS LATELY FOR ME THIS WORKING FOR A LIVING SHIT HAS GOT TO STOP SO I CAN DEDICATE ALL MY RESOUCES TO TEH METS BECUASE THEY ARE WINNARS ALL TEH WAY AROUND I MEAN LOOK AT THEM HOW PRETTY THEY LOOK IN THOSE BLUE UNIFERMS ESPECIALLY 3-49 DAVID WRONG WITH THE MANLY BEARD DO YOU KNOW WHY I KNOW HE IS IN A SLUMP BECAUSE I HEARD FRANK FROM MESSAPEQUA ON THEH RADIO TODAY WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING WITH THAT BEARD ANYWAY DOES HE THINK HE IS GOING BEAR HUNTING IN WYOMMING WITH THAT NEW KID NEMO I GUESS HE SHOULD BEING THE FACE OF THE FRANKCHISE AND ALL GIMME A BREAK WHY DONT YOU PLAY BETTER YOU PUNK AND LEAVE THE KID ALONE SO HE DOESNT GET CONTAMINATED WITH YOAR BAD HABITS

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Continue to... fxcarden's Nightly Rant! - Vol. I, No. 3 (Sept. – 1st half, 2011) »

Vol. I: No. 1 | No. 2 | No. 3 | No. 4 | No. 5 | JfM (2011)

Vol. II: No. 6 | No. 7 | No. 8 | No. 9 | No. 10 | ... | JfM (2012)

This FanPost was contributed by a member of the community and was not subject to any vetting or approval process. It does not necessarily reflect the opinions, reasoning skills, or attention to grammar and usage rules held by the editors of this site.

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