FanPost

fxcarden's Nightly Rant! - JeromefromManhattan (2011)

Vol. I: No. 1 | No. 2 | No. 3 | No. 4 | No. 5 | JfM (2011)

Vol. II: No. 6 | No. 7 | No. 8 | No. 9 | No. 10 | ... | JfM (2012)

fxcarden's Nightly Rant! - JeromefromManhattan (2011)

Contents:

1. HELLO
2. BAH
2a. OH MY GOD
3. SO I MISSED THE GAME THEY WON THE UDDER NITE
4. HELLO FRIENDS (1)
5. YOU KNOW GUYS
6. HELLO AGAIN FRIENDS (1)
6a. .
7. HELLO FRIENDS (2)
8. HELLO AGAIN, FRIENDS
8a. OH AND ONE MOAR THING....
9. HELLO AGAIN FRIENDS (2)
10. DID YOU GUISE SEE JHONNY DAMIAN IN THAT OTHER GAME
11. THATS MY YANKEES
12. HELLO FRIENDS (3)
13. HELLO FRIENDS (4)
14. HELLO FRIENDS (5)
15. AAOP: Banned from WFAN
15a. EXCUSE ME

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1. HELLO

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS TEAM WHY PLAY THIS GAME SO LATE DONT THEY HAVE ANY REPSECT FOR US OLD PEOPLE I MEAN I WAS ALREADY OLD AND MISREABLE WHEN I USED TO CALL WFAN AND COMPLAINT ABOUT TEH YANKEES BUT I BECAME YOUNG AGIN WHEN I DISCOVERD TEH METS I DIDNT KNOW THERE WAS ANOTHER TEAM IN NEW YORK I THOUGHT MIKE FRANCISCO FROM WFAN WAS THE MAYOR BOY DID I FEEL STUPID WHEN I FOUND OUT HE WAS THE POPE BUT HE WONT TAKE MY CALLS ANYMOAR BECAUSE JOE AND EVAN TOLD HIM I SWITCHED TO TEH METS WHEN CASHMEN GOT RID OF DAMON SO HEAR I AM WITH YOU GUISE COME HELL OR HIGH WATER AND SPAEKING OF HIGH WATER HOW ABOUT THAT RAIN YESTERDAY HOLY SHIT GOOD THING I LIVE ON A HIGH FLOOR AND NOT A BASEMENT IF THAT HAPPEND MY COMPUTOR MIGHT BE WET AND I COULDNT BE WITH YOU GUISE AND DID ANY OF YOU SEE THE SKY IT WAS FUCKING GREEN I TELL YOU BUT LISTEN I WAS THINKING THE UDDER DAY ABOUT HOW TEH METS CAN BE BETTAR AND I THOUGHT MAYBE MR. OLDERSAN CAN SING JHONNY DAMON IN THE WINTER AND HE COULD BE DH FOR TEH METS I KNOW HE DOESNT HAVE A LOT OF POWERS BUT AT LEAST HE HAS RINGS FROM TWO TEAMS ALREADY AND HE COULD TEACH THESE METS KIDS HOW TO BE A WINNAR BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN THEAR AND DOEN THAT WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK HOW DO I CONTACT THIS MR. ALDERAAN AND TELL HIM MY IDEA

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2. BAH

I TELL YOU I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS TEAM IS DOING ANY MORE DID YOU SEE THE PICHER OF WHALER AND NEMO ON METSBLOG I MEAN REALLY GET THESE KIDS A GLASS OF MILK AND SOME COOKIES AND ALSO SOME NICKLODION THEY CAN WATCH WHILE AWAY FROM THEYRE MOMS IT WILL BE YEARS BEFORE ANY OF THESE INFANTS PLAY BAISBALL IN THE MAYOR’S LEAGES THEYRE BONES ARE NOT STRONG YET HOW ARE THEY GOING TO BAT AGSINT HALLODAY FROM TEH PHILLES OR EVEN CC SABBATH FROM TEH YANKEES THOSE ARE TWO GOOD PICHARS WE COULD HAVE HAD BUT THIS GUY MR OLDERSAN DECIDED THAT THIS IS A KIDS GAME AND INSTEAD OF BRINGING PROVEN VETERINARIANS LIKE JIM TOMEI TO HELP HE BRINGS US A COWBOY FROM IDAHO OR WHEREVER THIS NEMO KID IS FROM MAYBE THEY SHOULD CALL HIM THE BISON BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A SIGN OF STRENGTH BUT NOOOO THEY GIVE US A GUY NAMED AFTER A SMALL FISH I CANT TAKE SPORTS ANYMOAR AND NOW I CANT EVEN CALL WFAN AND TELL THEM HOW I FEEL NOT EVEN STEVE SUMMER WILL TAKE MY CALLS ANYMOAR THANK GOD I HAVE YOU GUYS AND MY PICHER OF JONHNNY DAMON DID I TELL YOU HE SIGNED IT FOR ME HE HAS A STRANGE SIGNATURE I NEVER KNEW HIS NAME HAD SO MANY F’S AND U’S BUT WHAT DO I KNOW I NEVER WENT TO SCHOOL LIKE YOU GUYS AND YOU KNOW WHY BECAUSE I HAD TO WORK FOR A LIVING THATS RIGHT SOMETHING YOU GUYS WILL NEVER SEE BECAUSE THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER JOB TO BE HAD IN THIS COUNTRY IF ONLY MR STEINBONER WAS STILL ALIVE I REALLY MISS THAT GUY YOU KNOW BECAUSE HE CARED ABOUT THE LITTLE GUY AND MADE US HAPPY BY WINNING A LOT OF CHAMPTIONSHITS BUT THAT IS FOR ANOTHER DAY BECAUSE TONIGHT IS ALL ABOUT THE METS AND THEYRE PUSH FOR THE PLAYOFFS

...

2a. OH MY GOD

HOW DID YOU KNOW DID YOU BREAK INTO MY APARTMENT I WAS ROBBED THE OTHER DAY YOU KNOW ALL MY YANKEE STUFF WAS STOLEN AND REPLACED WITH METS STUFF

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3. SO I MISSED THE GAME THEY WON THE UDDER NITE

AND THEN THEY HAD AN OFF DAY SO IT HAS BEEN THREE DAYS SINCE I HAVE SEEN MY BELOVED NEW YORK METS I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO USE TEH SEATS FROM SHEA MY SON GAVE ME BECAUSE THERE HAS BEEN NO BASEBALL BUT I DID SEE TEH YANKEE GAME WHERE THE EMPIRE MESSED UP TEH HOMAR CALL I TELL YOU IF JOHNNY DAMIAN WAS STILL A YANKEE THAT CALL DOES NOT HAPPEN BECAUSE HE WAS SO GOOD LIKE THAT BUT ANYWAY I AM A METS FAN NOW AND I WANT THIS RAIN TO STOP BECAUSE HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU HEAR THE SAME SONG BEFORE YOURE MIND STARTS TO WANDER AND THEN NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU ARE AT THE PARK AND THE COPS YOU KNOW THEY DONT LIKE THAT STUFF NOT EVEN WHEN I WAER MY JONHNNY DAMIAN SHIRT BUT ANYWAY I AM READY TO SEE TEH METS BEGIN THEYRE PUSH FOR TEH DIVISION BECAUSE IT CANT BE ALL YANKEES ALL THE TIME IN THIS TOWN I THINK TEH METS SHOULD TRAID FOR POSADA BECAUSE HE CAN STILL HIT AND WE COULD USE A DH BETWEEN YOU AND ME THIS MRUPHY GUY THE METS HAVE IS NOT A GOOD DH THAT IS TEH MANAGER BENCHED HIM FOR THE REST OF TEH YEAR I TRIED TO CALL BOOMAR AND CONDOM ON WFAN THIS MORNING AFTER I TOOK MY MEDS BUT THEY WERE BUSY TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL AND DID NOT TAKE MY CALL OH WELL I WILL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW

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4. HELLO FRIENDS (1)

JUST WANTED TO STOP BY ONE LAST TIME AND SAY GOOD BUY TO YOU ALL I AM GOING BACK TO TEH YANKEES BECUASE THEY HIT FOAR GRAN SLIMS YESTERDAY AND THAT WAS TEH GREATEST THING I EVER SAW WELL I DID NOT SEE IT BECAUSE I WAS BUSY POLISHING MY STATUE OF JONHNNY DOMAIN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN DID I TELL YOU JONHNNY DAMIAN WAS MY FAVIRITE YANKEE ANYWAY ABOUT THIS METS LISTEN CALL ME WHEN THEY HAVE A GOOD TEAM AGAIN AND I WILL WATCH WITH YOU I SAW A FOURCAST TRACK FOR THIS STORM AND TEH EYE GOES RIGHT OVER CITIFIELD YOU MAY THINK THAT IS BAD BUT IT WILL BE A GOOD THING LONG TERM BECAUSE IT WILL CLEAR OUT THE CHOP SHOPS AND REALLY THERE IS NOT ENOUGHT ROOM IN THIS TOWN FOR TWO TEAMS ESPCIALY WHEN ONE WINS ALL TEH TIME AND TEH OTHER SUCKS ALL TEH TIME I HOPE MR. OLDERSAN IS ABLE TO SPENT SOME MONAY AND GET SOME GOOD PLAYARS AND FORGET ABOUT ALL THIS CHANGING THE FIELD CRAP TEH ONLY REASON TEH MET PLAYARS DONT HIT HOMARS IS BECUASE THEY ARE NOT STRONG LIKE RUBY CANO AND GRADNERSON ANYWAY GOOD LUCK TEH REST OF TEH WAY I GOTTA GO TEH EVACATION GUISE ARE KNOKGIN AT MY DOAR I HAVE TO GET MY CAT HIS NAME IS JETER AND MY BIRD HIS NAME IS AROD AND YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST NOTICED TEH BIRD HASNT MOVED IN ABOUT A WEEK AND HE HAS BEEN QUITE TOO I WONDER IF HIS HIP HURTS LIKE AROD

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5. YOU KNOW GUYS

I WAS WATCHING THE YANKEES WIN TODAY AND THEY WON WITH SUCH DRAMA FROM THAT KID MONTANA OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS I SWEAR HE PLAYED QUATERBACK BEFORE SOMEPLACE BUT ANYWAY AFTER THE WIN BY THE YANKEES I THOUGHT WHY NOT STOP BY AND SEE MY FRIENDS FROM THE METS AND SO I TURNED TO SNY AND SAW THE GAME AND BOY WAS I PLEASED TO SEE THAT JESSE OROSCO IS BACK WITH THE METS AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I LIKED THE WAY HE STRUCK THAT KEVIN BASS GUY TO END THE GAME BUT I AM CONFUSED AS TO WHY THERE IS A GAME THREAD OPEN AFTER THE GAME ALREADY ENDED I THINK MAYBE CHRIS MCSHANE GOT A LITTLE BIT TIPSY THIS WEEKEND WHAT WITH THE LONG WEEKEND AND ALL BUT ANYWAY YEAH THAT GAME WAS SOMETHING ELSE I DIDN’T KNOW THE ASTROS STILL PLAYED ON ASTROTURF I COULD SWEAR I SAW A GAME NOT LONG AGO WHERE THEY HAD GRASS BUT WHAT DO I KNOW MAYBE I’LL CALL MY FRIEND JOE AT WFAN AND AKS HIM WHAT THE DEAL IS JOE IS GOOD LIKE THAT HE KNOWSE A LOT OF STUFF ANYWAY HERE IS WISHING EVERYONE A SAFE WEEKEND I HAVE A DATE WITH SOME WOMAN I MET IN A BAR THE OTHER DAY SHE SAID SHE WOULD PICK ME UP AROUND 6 ON SATURDAY NIGHT I GUESS I BETTER GO AND GET READY.

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6. HELLO AGAIN FRIENDS (1)

I AM SORRY I HAVE BEEN AWAY FOR SO LONG BUT I GAVE MYSELF A BAD CASE OF HEMORRHOIDS ROOTING FOR TEH YANKEES BUT AT LEAST ALL MY PUSHING HELPED PUT THEM IN FIRST PLACE WHERE THEY BELONG BUT ENOUGH ABOUT TEH YANKEES BECAUSE AS YOU KNOW I REALLY WANT TO ROOT FOR TEH METS I NOTICED SOME OF YOU WANT TO TRADE FOR JETER AND THAT IS GOOD TO HEAR BECAUSE JETER WOULD BE GOOD FOR THIS TEAM YOU KNOW LIKE I MEAN TEH OTHER DAY WITH TEH HATS I AM SURE JETER WOULD HAVE WORN A HAT INSTEAD OF GOING OUT ON TEH FIELD WITHOUT ONE LIKE TEH METS DID AND THEN TRYING TO BLAME JOE TORRE FOR STEALING THEM I MEAN DONT YOU THINK JOE HAS ENOUGH HATS OF HIS OWN OH AND DID I TELL YOU THAT I FINALLY MET MY FAVIRITE PLAYAR JHONNY DAMIAN YEAH I FOUND OUT WHERE HE LIVES AND DECIDED TO STOP BY AND SAY HELLO AND BOY WAS I SURPRISED WHEN HE OPENED TEH DOOR HE LOOKS JUST LIKE ED KOCH WITHOUT TEH YANKEE UNIFIRM ON BUT LET ME TELL YOU HE HAD 3 GILRS IN HIS LIVING ROOM AND I PARTIED WITH THEM I’LL NEVER FORGET THEIR NAMES ABIGAIL, GERTRUDE, AND JOSEPHINE I THINK THERE MAY BE SOME PICHERS OF THE NIGHT SO WHEN I GET THEM DEVELOPED I WILL POST THEM HERE FIRST I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW YOU ATTACH A PRINT TO A COMMENT BUT NO TO WORRY I’LL CALL MY FRIEND MIKE AT WFAN AND HE WILL HELP ME BECAUSE HE IS HAPPY WITH ME THAT I HELPED PUT TEH YANKEES BACK IN FRIST PLACE WELL YOU ALL ENJOY YOUR GAME NOW AND LETS GO METS

...

6a. .

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7. HELLO FRIENDS (2)

JUST STOPPING BY TO SEE HOW TEH METS ARE DOING AS THEY CHASE ON OF TEH PLAYOFF SPOTS AND I HOPE THEY MAKE IT BECUASE IF THEY SHOULD MAKE IT TO TEH WORLD SERIOUS THEY WOULD HAVE TO FACE TEH GREATEST CLOSAR THAT EVER LIVED MORONO RIVER WHO BY THEN WILL HAVE 6020 SAVES MAKING HIM A LOCK FOR TEH HALL OF FEIGN DID I TELL YOU GUISE I WENT THERE NOT LONG AGO WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND JOSEPHINE YEAH SO I WE GET THERE I I SPENT THE ENTIRE DAY LOOKING FOR THE JONHNNY DAMIAN MEMORABILIA BUT I COULD NOT FIND ANY I COULD SWEAR I READ SOMEWHERE THAT HE WAS IN THE HALL ALREADY AND THAT MADE ME HAPPY YOU KNOW BECUASE AS YOU KNOW HE IS MINE A JOSEPHINE’S FAVIRITE PLAYAR AND WE BOTH WISH TEH METS WOULD HIRE HIM BECUASE HE COULD HELP THIS TEAM BECOME WINNARS WELL ANYWAY GOOD LUCK WITH THE PURSUIT OF THE PLAYOFFS 76 WINS AND SEE YOU IN OCTOBAH

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8. HELLO AGAIN, FRIENDS

NOW THAT TEH YANKEES HAVE CLINCHED A POST SEASEN BIRTH I WILL SPEND THE LAST WEEK OF TEH SEASEN WITH YOU ROOTING FOR MY BELOVED NEW YORK METS AND HOPEING THE GENIOS FRONT ORIFICE HAS A GOOD PLAN FOR THIS TEAM OVER TEH WINTAR I HOPE THEY CHANGE TEH STADIOM AND MAKE IT THE SAME SIZE AS TEH YANKEE STADIOM BECUASE THAT IS TEH BEST FIELD IN BASEBELL I MEAN LOOK AT ALL THOSE HOMARS THEY HIT TEH METS COULD DO TEH SAME AND THEN GUISE LIKE IKE DAVID AND LUKE DOODIE CAN HIT LOTS OF HOMARS TEH METS COULD SCOAR 800 RUNS IN 2012 IF THEY DO THIS RIGHT AND ALL THOSE RUNS COULD GIVE THEM ENOUGH WINS TO MAKE IT TO THE BIG DANCE YOU KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN’ AND WHILE I HAVE YOAR UNDIVIDID ATTENSION LET ME SAY THAT WFAN IS TEH BEST RADIO OUT THEAR I LISTIN TO THEM ALL TEH TIME AND YOU GUISE SHOULD LISTEN TOO YOU MIGHT LIRN SOMETHING ABOUT HOW TEH SPORTS ARE PLAYED

8a. OH AND ONE MOAR THING....

WHO IS THIS PICHAR SCWINGLER DID HE COME FROM A WINNAR ?

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9. HELLO AGAIN FRIENDS (2)

JUST TAKING TIME OUT FROM MY BUSY DAY OF GROCERY SHOPPING TO SAY HELLO AND WISH YOU ALL GOOD LUCK IN THE PLAYOFFS I KNOW YOU ONLY NEED TO WIN THIS ONE GAME TO GET IN AND THAT IS GOOD I HOPE REYES PUTS YOU ALL OVER THE TOP SO TEH YANKEES CAN HAVE A GOOD LOOK AT HIM IN THE WORLD SERIOUS AND THEN SING HIM IN TEH WINTER I AM SURE THE METS WILL BE FINE WITH THAT KID TEJIDIOUS OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS HE LOOKS LIKE A NICE PLAYER TO HAVE AT LEAST YOUR ANNOUNCER THINKS SO I SOMETIMES WATCH SNY BUT TEH SMOKING ADS MAKE ME SICK SO I SWITCH BACK TO YES AND CATCH MY HERO MICHEAL KAYE BECUASE HE DOES A GOOD JOB OVER THERE BUT ANYWAY I WISH YOU LUCK PLAYING TEH PIRATES IN TEH FRIST ROUND I GUESS THE GAMES WILL BE ON TNT OR SOMETHING RIGHT ?

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10. DID YOU GUISE SEE JHONNY DAMIAN IN THAT OTHER GAME

I TOLD YOU HE WAS GOOD DID I TELL YOU I HAVE HIS AUTOGIRAFED JOCKSTRAP ?
HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A CLUTCH PLAYAR HE MADE THE RED SOX WIN I BET YOU IF HE WAS STILL THERE THEY DONT CHOAK AND LET ME TELLYOU THAT WAS SOME CHOAK JOB THEY DID I FEEL BAD FOR TONY FRANCONES BECUASE TEH PROBLEM WAS TEH PLAYARS NOT TEH MANAGER BUT THAT IS HOW IS GOES THESE DAYS I BET YOU THE OWNAR OF TEH RED SOCKS IS GOING TO GET JOE TORRE NOW AND ALL HELL WILL BRAKE LOSE IN NEW YORK BUT WAHT PEEPEL DONT REALIZE IS THAT JOE TORRE WILL DRIVE THE RED COCKS INTO THE GROUND BECUASE HE IS A TRUE YANKEE BUT IF HE GETS JHONNY DAMIAN TO PLAY FOR TEH RED SUCKS AGAIN THEY WILL WIN YOU HEARD IT HERE FRIST

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11. THATS MY YANKEES

"Too Much Moneyball." A fantastic fake trailer about the unorthodox tactics of the New York...

EVERY TIME I CALL WFAN AND ASK FOR A PLAYAR THEY GO OUT AND GET HIM FOR ME WHEN I WANTED JHONNY DAMIAN BRAIN CATCHMAN WENT OUT AND GOT HIM FOR ME HE EVEN MADE HIM SHAVE DID YOU KNOW THAT JHONNY DAMIAN IS MY FAVIRITE PLAYAR BUT ANYWAY YEA TEH YANKEES ARE TEH BEST TEAM EVAR AND THEY WILL SWEEP TEH TIGARS AND KILL TEH PHILLIES BECUASE THEYRE PICHARS ARE GOOD AND WAIT UNTIL ALEX RODRIGO STARS TO HIT THEY WILL BE INSTOPPIBLE

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12. HELLO FRIENDS (3)

JUST STOPPING BY TO SEE HOW EVERYONE MADE IT THRU TEH BAD NEWS OF STEVE’S JOB DYEING YESTERDAY THAT WAS TOO BAD I LIKED HIM BECUASE HE MADE IT PAUSIBLE FOR GUISE LIKE ME TO WATCH TEH BASEBALL ANYWHERE WITH TEH iWHATEVER I THINK HE WOULD HAVE MADE A GOOD PRESIDANT, TOO BUT IT IS TOO LATE NOW BUT ANYWAY BACK TO BASEBALL WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS GAME I AM TORN BETWEEN ROUTING FOR THE YANKEES OR TEH TIGGERS BECUASE AS YOU KNOW MY FAVIRITE PLAYAR IS JHONNY DAMIAN AND HE PLAYD FOR BOTH TEAMS SO WHOEVER WINS JHONNY DAMIAN WINDS UP IN THE HALL OF FAIM TEH ONLY QUESTION IS WHICH HAT HE WILL WARE

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13. HELLO FRIENDS (4)

I THOUGHT I WOULD STOP BY TODAY TO SEE HOW YOU ARE ALL DOING SINCE TEH YANKEES ARE PLAYING TEH PHILLIES IN THE WORLD SERIOUS BUT I DID NOT SEE A THREAD AND I THOUGHT MR. SIMON HAD SWITCHED TO CURLING ANYWAY NOW I RELAIZE THAT THIS IS NOT A VERY SERIOUS WORLD SERIOUS BECUASE TEH TWO BEST TEAMS ARE NOT PLAYING AND ALSO MY FAVIRITE PLAYAR IS NOT PLAYING EITHER I WAS HOPING TEH CARDINELS WOULD HAVE ACKWIRED JHONNY DAMIAN TO PLAY DH FOR THEM BECUASE HE IS A GOOD PLAYAR YOU KNOW BUT I GUESS TEH CARDINELS HAVE THEIR HANDS FULL PLAYING AGAINST TEH TEXERS RANGAS WELL I SUPPOSE IT WILL BE INTEREST TO SEE THESE TEAMS PLAY EACH OTHER SINCE THEY HAVE NOT PLAYED TOO MUCH AND WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THAT THAT’S RIGHT IT IS TEH GUY THAT MAKES TEH SCHEDULS WHAT A MORAN TO NOT LET THE WORLD SERIOUS TEAMS PLAY EACH OTHAR MORE OFTIN BUT WHAT DO I KNOW I AM JUST AN OLD MAN WHO DOESN’T GET OUT MUCH I WENT OUT A COUPLE OF TIMES WITH THIS GIRL I MET AT JHONNY DAMIAN’S HOUSE HER NAME WAS GERTRUDE BUT SHE TURNED OUT TO BE A BASKIT CASE THINKING THAT I WAS GOING TO MARRY HER SO INSTED I DUMPED HER AND GOT MYSELF ONE OF THEM DOLLS AT LEAST SHE DOESNT COMPLAIN BUT BACK TO TEH BASEBALL I HOPE THE WORLD SERIOUS GOES 7 GAMES BECUASE AFTER THAT THERE WONT BE ANY MORE BASEBALL AND ALL I WILL HAVE TO LOOK FORWERD TO IS REX RAIN STICKING HIS FOOT IN HIS MOUTH WHICH WILL BE QUITE THE THING TO SEE BECUASE I DONT THINK HE CAN DO THAT SINCE HE IS SO FAT WELL ANYWAY THANKS FOR LETTING ME PASS BY AND ENJOY TEH GAME

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14. HELLO FRIENDS (5)

THE SINGING OF GOD BLESS AMERICA REMINDS ME OF TEH YANKEES DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY ALWAYS SING THAT SONG AT THE HOUSE THAT ROOF BUILT ITS BECAUSE THEY ARE MORE PATRIOTIC THAT THE OTHER TEAMS THAT IS RIGHT YANKEES AND UNCLE SAM GO HAND IN HAND LIKE OIL AND VINEGAR OR SO MY MOTHER ALWAYS TOLD ME BUT ANYWAY BACK TO THE GAME AND WHAT AN EXCITING GAME IT HAS BEEN WITH ALL THOSE PLAYS WHERE GUYS DROP THE BALL I BET WFAN TOMORROW WILL HAVE BUSY PHONE LINES

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15. AAOP: Banned from WFAN


HELLO FRIENDS....

I HAVE BEEN TRYEING TO CALL MY FRIEND JOE AT WFAN BUT THEY ALWAYS TELL ME HE IS BUSY TALKING TO OTHER CALLARS WHEN I TRY TO SPEAK TO HIS FRIEND IVAN THEY TELL ME HE IS ON A BATHROOM BRAKE THIS HAPPENS EVERY DAY AROUND 11 AM WHEN I GET UP I CANT BELIEVE THAT JOE AND IVAN ARE ALWAYS DOING TEH SAME THING EVERY DAY AT TEH SAME TIME BUT I GUESS I SHOULD NOT BE SURPRISED BECUASE I DO TEH SAME THING EVERY NIGHT AT TEH SAME TIME AND THAT IS KISS MY GIRLFRIEND GERTRUDE GOODNIGHT AROUND 8 PM AND THEN GO WATCH REPLAYS OF BASEBALL GAMES WHERE JHONNY DAMIAN PLAYS I HAVE THEM ALL ON VHS TAPE BECUASE THAT GIVES ME TEH BEST QUALITY ON BLACK AND WHITE TV WHICH IS ALL I HAVE IN MY APARTMINT.

ANYWAY I STOP BY HERE ABOUT ONCE A WEEK TO SEE WHAT MY FRIENDS FROM TEH METS ARE DOING AND I CAN SEE THEY ARE NOT DOING MUCH I GUESS TEH OWNARS MAYBE LOST A LOT OF MONAY AT TEH TRACK YOU NEVER KNOW WITH THESE HORSES ESPECIALLY THE DARK ONES SO I FIGIRED I WOULD TRY TO OFFER A FEW IDEAS AND SEE WHAT YOUS THINK ANYWAY HERE IT GOES

. . . _ _ _ . . .

THAT GUY JOSAY RAYES - HE IS PRETTY GOOD - I THINK THEY SHOULD KEEP HIM BEFORE TEH RED SOCKS GET HIM.

THIS KID DAVID RIGHT - I WATCH TEH GAMES SOMETIMES AND HE DOESNT IMPRESS ME MUCH HE ALWAYS THROWS TEH BALL TO THE FANS IN THE STANDS AND TEH RUNNERS ADVANCE - ALSO I THINK MAYBE HE MUST HAVE A GIRLFRIEND LIKE I DO AND SHE TAKES A LOT OUT OF HIM BECUASE SOMETIMES HE ONLY HITS TEH BALL TO THE FENCE BUT IT DOESNT GO OVER TEH FENCE LIKE THAT TIME JHONNY DAMIAN HIT A GRAND SLIM AGAINST TEH YANKEES IN THE WORLD SERIOUS I WAS SO HAPPY FOR HIM THEN - ANYWAY THIS DAVID RIGHT KID - HE BETTER GET HIS ACT TOGETHER OR THE NEW MG WILL TRAID HIM FOR NEW KIDS

I THINK TEH METS ALSO NEED A CATCHAR BECUASE THIS KID TOLEY HE IS NOT VERY GOOD BUT I THINK IF TEH METS SIGNED POSADA HE COULD HELP TEACH THE YOUNG KID HOW TO PLAY TEH GAME TEH RIGHT WAY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS SHOW HIM TEH RINGZ AND TEH KID WILL COME AROUND, YOU KNOW ?

THIS BRINGS ME TO SECOND BASE AND THIS IS WHERE I WAS TRYEING TO CALL WFAN TO SHARE MY IDEA WITH TEH FANS - BRING IN JHONNY DAMIAN TO PLAY SECOND BASE - HE DOESN'T HAVE AN ARM TO PLAY OUTFIELD ANY MORE SO SECOND BASE IS PERFECT FOR HIM - HE COULD BAT SECOND BEHIND RAYAS WHO WOULD HAVE TO PLAY FIRST BASE TO BAT FIRST BUT THAT CAN BE ARRANGED BY JUST MOVING IKE DAVID TO SHORTSTOPS - I THINK THIS IDEA IS TEH BEST ONE I HAD SINCE WOODSTICK - DID I TELL YOU GUISE THAT SHOW WAS MY IDEA ?

AS FAR AS TEH OUTFIELD I GUESS WE CAN KEEP JAYSEN BAY BECUASE HE CAME FROM TEH RED SOCKS AND HE KNOWS HOW TO WIN BUT WE NEED TO GET RID OF THAT GUY PAGAN HE SUCKS WE PROBABLY NEED TO BRING SOMEONE LIKE JIM EDMONDS BECUASE HE CAN CATCH ANYTHING AND MAYBE WE SHOULD TRAID THIS DUDE KID TO TEH MARLENS FOR A PICHAR - WITH EDMONDS IN THE OUTFIELD WE ONLY NEED TWO OUTFIELDARS AND WE CAN SAVE SOME MONAY TO PAY BOBBY BONILLA.

FINALLY LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT TEH PICHARS - IF YOU ONLY HAVE A COUPLE OF PICHARS YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WIN - LOOK AT TEH YANKEES THIS YEAR - NO PICHARS, NO RINGZ. SO HERE IS WHAT I WOULD DO - I WOULD SIGN THAT FELLOW THAT OWNES THE RANGERS WHAT IS HIS NAME NOLEN RAYON - I MEAN HE WOULD HAVE TO GET IN SHAPE FRIST BUT I THINK HE CAN STILL TRHOW HARDER THAN THAT DICKEY GUY - I HEAR HE IS NOT COMING BACK BECUASE HE IS GOING TO BUILD A HOUSE ON A MOUNTAIN SOMEWHERE AND CALL IT THE HALL OF TEH MOUNTAIN KING OR SOMETHING BUT ANYWAY I THINK NOLEN RAYON WOULD BE A GOOD NUMBER 2 BEHIND MIKE PELFERY.

SO THAT IS MY PLAN - TOO BAD JOE DIDNT TAKE MY CALL BECUASE A LOT MORE PEOPLE WOULD HAVE HEARD IT ON TEH AIR - BUT I GUESS THE SIX OF YOU CAN SPREAD TEH WORD - I HOPE MR. SIMON HAS A NICE THANKSGIVING AND LETS ME CONTINUE TO VISIT.

BYE

...

15a. EXCUSE ME

DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST OLD PEEPLES BECUASE LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING MY GIRLFRIEND GERTRUDE THINKS I AM QUITE THE STALLION.

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Continue to... fxcarden's Nightly Rant! - Vol. II, No. 6 (Preseason, 2012) »

Vol. I: No. 1 | No. 2 | No. 3 | No. 4 | No. 5 | JfM (2011)

Vol. II: No. 6 | No. 7 | No. 8 | No. 9 | No. 10 | ... | JfM (2012)

This FanPost was contributed by a member of the community and was not subject to any vetting or approval process. It does not necessarily reflect the opinions, reasoning skills, or attention to grammar and usage rules held by the editors of this site.

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