The old saying is that you can't fire the players, so you fire the manager. Well in our case, we can't fire the manager because he's actually good, and we can't fire the players because the really bad ones (HI JASON BAY) make more money than a firecracker store guy after Vince Coleman comes to pay a visit. So it's time to figure out who the Mets should fire this off-season.
I think we should fire Bob Geren.
1) Bob Geren managed the A's. Everyone who has read Moneyball knows that the A's think very lowly of their managers, because a manager's job is kind of like the maybe gay guys (not that there's anything wrong with that) at the bottom of a cheerleader teepee. You know, stand there, holding things up (and looking up skirts if you're not gay) making sure the system works the way the actual leader designed it, and not do anything that gets you noticed. Otherwise you get fired and the whole football team laughs at you because you were a male cheerleader. Not that there's anything wrong with that, either.
2) And he was a bad manager. Four seasons and part of a fifth, never was over .500, never made the playoffs. 2006, the A's win the AL West. 2007, he takes over, they're 10 games under .500. 2011, he gets fired mid-year. 2012? Hey, guess who is 17 games over .500 and tied for the Wild Card. He's bad luck, which is probably why Justin Turner isn't working out as a good luck charm lately.
3) Houston Street once called him "the least favorite person I ever encountered in sports." An estimated 500,000 people live a block north or south of Houston Street, a lot of them Italians. And you don't want to piss off Italians. Except for John Franco, that guy's a douche.
4) Check out his "fist bump."
What the hell? Is he holding a cocktail weiner in there and hiding it from Ike Davis or something? I mean, those things are delicious, especially when wrapped in pastry dough. And yes, Ike has been to a lot of bar mitzvahs I assume, and he probably has a fondness for them -- who doesn't! -- but you should share, man. Especially because you're a bench coach. DOORMAN!
5) The bench coach has two jobs: one, coach the bench, which I don't get, and two, to take over when the manager is ejected. The Mets are winless in the games in which Terry Collins has been ejected (excluding the times when they were already winning when TC was ejected, I'm too lazy to actually check so I added this caveat).
We need a bench coach which is going to kick ass and take names. Someone like Don Zimmer, may he rest in peace.
Speaking of Zimmer, he's now an advisor to the Rays. The Rays bench coach is Dave Martinez, who has a son named Jagger. Bob Geren has a son named Bobby (creative!) and another named Brett. Jagger > Brett >>> Bobby.
DO IT SANDY!