FanPost

AAOP: Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.

I give you your 2014 NY Mets. With bits of wisdom about each player by Ron Swanson.

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Opening Day Starter: Jon Niese (signed for 5.05)

I have been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include: Capitalism, God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor. Crying, acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.

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I hope Jon goes through the Rage. Poise. Property rights. section this season. Where he has a wild season, keeps his cool during the playoffs and then gets himself some new property. Then goes fishing.

Pitcher #2: Josh Johnson (FA - 1 year for 8.5)

Are you broken?

Because if not, offers a great gamble. You all know who he is. To me, he is the best bet to spend a little money on. I do not like the idea of all young players in the rotation.

Pitcher #3: Gee (3.4)

Of all my coworkers he is one of a small number of whom I do not actively root against...uh, there I go again gettin' all sappy.

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SwStr% = 9.4%

Pitcher #4: Wheeler (.5)

Straight down the middle, no hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.

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That fastball... good times.

Pitcher #5: Jenrry Mejia (.5)

The dentist pulled the tooth out yesterday but it's always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain. Plus, it's always fun to see Tom faint.

We get it. You can overcome an injury. You can stop proving it now and show us whats up.

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via cdnl.complex.com

Catcher: Td'A (.5)

I have so many ideas. Some are simple like take down traffic lights and eliminate the post office. The bigger ones will be tougher, like 'bring all this crumbling to the ground.

So much of our future is counting on Travis taking his game to the next level. If he gets hurt again, then this whole thing can come crumbling to the ground. Scary shit.

1b: Duda (1.8)

I never thought I would say this to you son, but you may be over thinking this.

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The 1b job is given to Duda. I like the way he platoons with Satin. He hits bombs. He has a good attitude. I think, much like what happened to Murph, having a position (one that he is comfortable with) will go a long way in helping him grow. He may not be perfect, but if I have to go to war with him or Ike, I choose the dude. And dingers. Big dingers.

2b: Murph (5.8)

I got my first job when I was 9. Worked at a sheet metal factory. In two weeks, I was running the floor. Child labor laws are ruining this country.

This is too much money for Dan. But, I dont trust Flores here. Danny boy has improved at 2b every year. He is one of our longest tenured players. There have been enough arguments here as to his worth and value. I dont think there is any new info I can give you that will change your mind one way or another. All I can say is, I like watching him play. As he grows older, hopefully he can become more consistent. Hopefully, Flores forces us to trade Murph mid season to some team that lost their 2b.

SS: Chris Owings (.5 - trade with AZ for Parnell)

You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs, but what I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.

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AZ is a pretty good team. What they don't have, is a young grissony closer. I think Sandy can sell this to Towers when he tells him that his nickname is Captain Fastball. Owings is blocked at SS and 3b by other prospects. As much as I like Parnell, I dont care about closers so much and think we have some real good internal options for a future replacement.

Owings is a real good SS prospect. He may be a bit raw, but he would be a huge improvement. I want your prospect and all the bacon and eggs you have.

3b: Wright (20)

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LF: Oswaldo Arcia (.5 - trade with Minn for Montero and Ike)

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.

Minn has a bunch of young OFers. They just lost their 1b and that is a hole. They can always use a good pitcher who is ranked similar to Arcia. This may be a stretch. But whatever. Its AAOP time. If this trade makes you angry. First, calm down. Then, some other trade partners with this package could be Boston, MIA, Mil. All have a hole at 1b and all have some young OFers that could work. I think, in reality, I am giving up too much here if anything.

Arcia is a great addition to our lineup. There are questions about his game, but he is a legit corner OF prospect. I am sure you can find a way to make that quote work, its funny and I wanted to use it.

CF: Juan (.5)

It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something.

JL is one of my fav players. I love watching him play defense. It is like watching someone kill someone with Yoga. I really hope he can grow to an avg hitter. He will be fortunate, in that both he and Arcia will have the opportunity to play with and learn from...

RF: BELTRAN (FA - 2 years at 15.4 mil per)

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.

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Rubin: Carlos, What on earth made you come back to the Mets?
Beltran: Well, I was on the fence. But when the media got wind that I was considering them there was this amazing compilation of letters written to me on this blog Amazin Avenue. These fans here are special, and this team is closer then you think. You are still working here?

If I have to convince you this is a good move, then you are somewhere you dont belong. I want Carlos back. Everyone else sucks and is gonna get soooooo overpaid for soooooo long. At least I think Carlos will be down for a 2 year deal.

Bullpen arms - (all .5)

Torres
Never half ass two things, whole ass one thing.

I hope we dont let him go like we did Oliver.

Familia
It might be cold outside but it's about to get warm all up in my jazz.

Potential Parnel repacement

German
What the f**k is a German muffin?!?

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Looked like he can hold his own

Edgen
Here's mine. It's a hamburger made out of meat on a bun with nothing. Add ketchup if you want I couldn't care less.

Sometimes you just need a simple hamburger.

Black
We have one activity planned: not getting killed.

Potential Parnel replacement #2

Closer: Hawkins (FA: 2 year - 2.5 mil per)

People who buy things are suckers.

I think Hawk can cover the closer spot until Black or Familia step up and take it from him. Much like the starters, I dont like the idea of having ALL young kids out there. I mean, they may start a keg party or something in the bullpen. Its silly to keep a closer like Parnell when he can get you something on the trade market. Whats that? Parnel's injury will prob kill his trade va... LALALALA CANT HEAR YOU!

Backup C: Jose Molina (1.5)

Your work is appreciated. Eat some corn.

A defensive wiz who can be a great backup.

Bench: Turner (.8)

Literally, everything is a weapon. That folder in my hands is far deadlier than this bow in yours.

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Every time Turner starts, I think... I wonder when he is gonna troll AA. He normally does something to help the team win. As a bench player... there are a lot worse out there. Odds are this is the last year he will be affordable anyway.

Bench: Satin (.5)

Tammy: Guess I'll be heading home.
Ron: Catching the number twelve bus to Satan's butthole?
Tammy: Actually I prefer the number 69 train to Humpsville Station.

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hail. Will platoon with Duda at 1st, which as we all know is a great setup for them.

Bench: Brown: (.5)

Everyone shut up and look at me!

I like Brown more then EYjr. But if it is allowed I would let them play it out during ST. If this is him, whatever.

Bench: Flores (.5)

Take this compass. All great adventurers need one.

What?!?!? Flores on the bench?!?!? omg gbaked, surely something is wrong with you! Well random AA reader, a lot. But that is not important right now.

I don't think anyone knows what the future holds for Flores. He can easily lose this spot in ST. Whatever. I would wanna see him up with the club. I don't think our lineup is so good that he cant get ABs and spending time in AAA is not gonna help him at this point. Lets see what hes got.

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That is it. I would keep as many of the tenders as possible that can go to AAA. I would also sign Dice K to a minor league deal. I don't think my trades are that crazy. The money should add up to 80 if you throw in Bay and Santana.

If you have too many issues with the Ike trade, my other idea was to sign Byrd to a 2 year deal and stick Ike in AAA. Because then ESPN will argue if the Mets are wasting Ike. Eno Sarris will write an article on Fangraphs questioning the move. People will be like... Ike should be on the METS! Metsblog Matt will write a piece that says he would bring him up... but... he can... see... why Sandy... is doing it.... Then Ike will hit the crap outta the ball in Vegas and some GM will call and he will be someone else's problem.

Have at it. Hope you giggled at the quotes and the gif's didn't kill your internet.

I am sure there are many grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. I am sorry.

This FanPost was contributed by a member of the community and was not subject to any vetting or approval process. It does not necessarily reflect the opinions, reasoning skills, or attention to grammar and usage rules held by the editors of this site.

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