FanPost

#LTM: Flushtown's Confessional

To begin my confessional - I will start with a breathtaking revelation which will undoubtedly come as shock to those reading this: My real name isn't FlushtownFandom.

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~~~~~~~Keyser Soze’d!!!!!~~~~~~

My given name is Colonel Leslie Hapablap. Colonel is not a military title, but rather reflection of my mother’s fanatical obsession with popcorn. Having illiterate parents – the name that was ultimately written on my birth certificate was the more phonetic "C-o-l-o-n-el". Akin to my intended namesake – after 9 months of incubation, I popped out of my mother’s womb as soft, salty, white ball of goodness.

You might ask what the details of my birth and the etymology of my first name have to do with my fandom. I might ask you to be patient...

My father’s lack of intellect weighed heavily on my becoming a Mets fan (badum-tsssss). When I reached the tender age of four years old – my father became concerned how my first set of lateral and central incisors had grown in. He developed makeshift braces out of rubber bands and tin foil. Not only did this fail to provide any orthodontic correction, but I also began to receive what must have been AM660 radio signals late at night. Whenever I lay in my bed – I could hear the muddled voices of Bob Murphy and Gary Cohen doing the Met’s broadcast. At first this was just a disruption to slumber, but that soon manifested into a waxing interest, which festered into downright obsession. I would rattle off the details of every game to my idiot parents, happy recaps and recaps alike. I would wish them a pleasant good evening when coming home from school and exclaim "...and this chicken is OVER!" after dinner.

Eventually, my dental broadcast could no longer satiate my hunger for all things that were Mets baseball. My father sought out our neighbor, Frank Grimes, an avid Mets fan who lived in the apartment next door. Frank was a serious man. His parents had abandoned him a very young age – and he never got to go to school. In spite of his disadvantages, Frank was working his way through college towards a degree in nuclear physics. He was a hard worker, but made time for every Mets game. Living in the studio apartment next to ours, one with lead paint on paper thin walls, Grimes was reduced to blaring the games on a small AM/FM radio. He too was longing for the visual spectacle: the fabulous show the Mets would perform for the Shea Faithful. My dad saw to it that our starvation of baseball came to an end, and he sent me to flushing with my neighbor for my very first game at the age seven. Here is an artist’s rendition of a day I will never forget:

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I don’t quite recall the specific day, details, or outcome of the game – nor do I remember the subsequent 18 years following the game. The doctors tell me that Frank Grimes, on top of being an irritable nuclear physics grad student, was a recovering alcoholic. He was able to abstain from the drink all those years prior by being terribly, terribly poor. We stayed late that night to try and procure an autograph, and while I was tied up failing to meet any players – Grimes was busy imbibing the remnants of beer left in the cups on the bleacher floors. On the way home, we were in minor accident that resulted in a bent fender, a DUI for Grimsy, and eighteen year spell of unconsciousness for yours truly.

I joined AmazinAvenue in 2012, as I mistook it for a support group for the downtrodden, confused, and forgotten. It has been through this community that I’ve been able to develop an adult personality and have refined my love for the Mets and Dickey.

In conclusion:

When did you start following the Mets? Very young age, I’m from flushing and attended games before I could remember.

Who got you into the team? We used to get free tickets because a distant relative was married to Joan Payson’s ex-husband (Charles Payson). They had ownership for some time and a box on the first baseline. Being the only family that lived in the area - we'd be tossed a half a dozen games a year.

Why have you stuck with them for so long? Because they’re my shitty team and I love them.

What are your favorite Mets memories? My brother ran Edgardo Alfonzo over with a bike outside a sushi restaurant across the street from my house. He was too befuddled to ask for a signature, but we went back later and found out that the Fonz was a regular. As a result we have six signed balls.

Who are some of your favorite players? Because of the seats – I was always partial to first base. I caught 4 balls in one game from John Olerud, so he was awesome. Also loved Fonz and Piazza.

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~~~~~~Keyser Soze’d Again!~~~~~~

This FanPost was contributed by a member of the community and was not subject to any vetting or approval process.