Mike: And that’s why you never bet against Jettah, even in retirement. I mean, it’s Jettah. I’ve seen him time and time and time again define and redefine the definition of Clutch. I mean come on now… Time and time and time again, Jettah comes through. David Wright is as clutch as Jettah? Are up nuts? OK, next up we have Jermaine from Ronconkama. Jermaine, you’re up. Tell us how you’d fix the New York Metropolitans.
Jermaine: HELLO HELLO ARE YOU DARE MIKE
Mike: Jermaine, we hear you, you can sta-
Jermaine: OH HEY MIKE LOVE DA SHOW THERE AINT NOBODY THAT CAN HANDICAP A HORSE LIKE YOU SEPT FOR DAT BONADUCHE GUY WITH DAT SKATER CARDIGAN OR WHATEVA OK I GOT ALL TEH ANSWERS FOR DAH METS NEEDS I CAN SOME IT UP IN 4 LETTER WURDSZ RBIS AND RUNZ AND HOW DO YOU GET DOES WELL LET ME TELL YOU ITZ IN TEH DINGERZ DIS TEAM HAS MORE BROKEN BACK MORANS THAN DIS TEAM NEEDS AND DIS TEEM NEEDZ TEH RUNZ MEXICAN STYLE LOOK AT DIS TEAM THEY CANT SCORE WHAT GOOD ARGH THE PITCHERZ IF THEY CANT GET TEH RUNZ OK FIRST TINGS FIRST WE GOTS TO KEEP THAT SAYSPEEDAS GUY
Mike: Hold on Jer-
Jermaine: MIKE HOLD ON HOLD ON IM TAWKIN WE NEED THAT BOWTISTO AND CONCEPTIONOH GUYS MANY DINGERZ MANY RBIS AND MANY WINZ WILL FOLLOW ITS IN DEM NUMBAS IM TELLIN YOU NUMBAS DONT LIE EGGSEPT WHEN DAY DOO AFTER DAT WE GOTTA GET ANOTHER ONE FORM TEH FAIR AGENCY TO GIVE ALL THE MONIES TOO AND DAT IS TROMBINERT SO THOSE 4 GUYS GOT ALL TEH POWER WE ALSO GOTTA SIGNZ A PITCHER CAUSE OUR COLON HAS BLOWN SO IMA SIGNZ OLD MAN HILL CAUSE WINZ NOW IS TIME TO BRING IN A JOHNSON NOT A BIG JOHNSON BUT AN AVERAGE JOHNSON CAUSE IM SICK OF TRAIDING POACHERS FOR THE JOHNSON IF WE HAVE TEH JOHNSON WE DONT NEED TO GET TEH JOHNSON ELSEWEAR JUST ASK MY OLD LADY IF YOU GET WHAT IM GIVIN CAUSE SHE ALSO DOES DAT
Mike: Whoa whoa wh-
Jermaine: MIKE YOU ARE A LEGEND BUT PLEASE JUST SIT BACK AND HAVE A COKE OR JOLTZ OR WHATEVAH WE HAZ ALL THE YOUNG PITCHERZ LIKE DAT TALL VIKING MAN WITH THE FLOPPY HARE TEH GUY WHO COULDNT WAIT TO HAVE A KID UNTIL THE SEASON STORKED WITH THE FLOPPY HARE THE OTTER GUY WITH THE FLOPPY HARE WE ALSO KEEP THAT GUY NAMED MATZ BECAUSE WE NEED TEH LEFTIES AND HIS NAME IS ALMOST LIKE METZ WE ALSO NEED TO KEEP GRANDERSALMON AND ASDROOPABLE AND COMFORTABLO AND NEMO WIT DA SMILE AND ROBBLES ROBBLES AND TEH FAMLY GUY READ AND DA SMOKER AFTER THOSE GUYS WE NEED TO CLEAN HOSE WHICH MEANS ALL TEH LOSERZ CAUSE WE NEED DA WIENERS WHO WIENER NOT TEH LOSERZ WHO DONT WEINER DAT MANES IM TELLING NEICE AND BURCE DAT DAY ARE OUT TEH DOOR DEN WE GOT SOME GUYS DAT WE CANT DROPZ SO IM TRADING LACKHITS DOODA AND DAT TARVIS GLASSJAW AND DAT GUY DAT CRIES AND DAT ONE GUY WHO CATCHZ ALL TEH BALLS BUT CANT HIT TEH BALLS WE NEED BIG STICKS NOT BALL GRABBERS AND MOST OF ALL WE GOTS TO GET RID OF TEH DANK NIGHT I MEAN HE TAUGHT HE WAS GOOD BEFOUR HE WAS EVEN A 20 GAME WEINER AND NOW DAT HE HAS HE GAVE UP HIS RIB LIKE ADAM DID TO SUMMERS EVE I MEAN I DONT WONT NO GUY DAT HAS A DEEP THROATIC SITUATION THEY MADE MOVIES ABOUT DAT STUFF AND WE DONT NEED NO MOVIE STARZ ON DIS TAME LASTLY MEDICAL BILLS CAN BE EXPANSIVE SO IM TRADING THAT WHEELSARESAGGIN GUY FOR A TRAVEL SIZE MRI MACHINE SO WE SAVE ON HAVING TO PAY FOR TOW TRUCKS FOR WHALER AND WE SAVEZ ON PEOPLE TRAVELING BACK TO NEW YAWK WINZ WINZ ALL AROUNDS OK TO SOME IT UP I TRAID DOODA AND FLORETS AND DARNOPE AND ALL LEATHER NO WOOD LEGGUY ROBINSON CHORIZO RP I TRAID THE DUNK NIGHT TO THE YANKERS FUR DAT BETANCES KIDS YOU GOT TO GIVE TO GET DATS WHAT I ALWAYZ SOMETIMES SAY SO WE GET A NUDDER CLOSURE AND DEY GET DA RIBLESS WONDER AND LASTLY WE TRAIDED WAHLER FOR A TRAVEL MRI MACHINE SO HERE IS TEH TEAM AND DA MONIES DONT MATTER
POSITON |
PLAYAH |
POSITION |
PLAYAH |
|
|
CATCHOR |
CHORIZO |
RIGHT BENCH |
KELLY JOHNSTONE |
|
|
FIRST BASE |
TRUMPETER |
RIGHT CENTRO BENCH |
NEMO |
|
|
SECONDED BASE |
HOSE A |
CENTER BRANCH |
WRONGZ |
|
|
BLONDIE STOP |
ASDROOPABLY |
LEFT CENTRO BENCH |
CONTORTED |
|
|
TURB BASE |
ENCONCEPTION |
LEFTISTEST BENCH |
PLAWEKI |
|
|
RIGHT FAILED |
BOWTISTA |
|
|||
CENTER FAILED |
SAYSPEEDAS |
CLOSER NUMBA ONE |
FAMILY GUY |
|
|
LAUGH FAILED |
GRANDSAMOAN |
CLOSER NUMBA TOO |
BUTAINCES |
|
|
PITCHOR |
READ |
|
|||
STARTED PITCHOR |
NOA SHINDERGUARDS |
PITCHOR |
ROBBLES |
|
|
STARTED PITCHOR |
DUHGROAN |
PITCHOR |
BLONDE BLEVINS |
|
|
STARTED PITCHOR |
METZ MATZ |
PITCHOR |
SECOND HANDED SMOKER |
|
|
STARTED PITCHOR |
GAZELLEMAN |
PITCHOR |
DOESNT MATTER CAUSE HRS |
|
|
STARTED PITCHOR |
OVA DA HILLS |
LOOK IT TAKES A LOT OF TINGS TO MAKE A SAUSAGE AND NO ONE WANTZ TO KNOW WHAT GOES INTO THE SAUSAGE BUT TRUST ME YOU ALL WANT MY SAUSAGE I HAVE DAH OLD LADY TO CONFIRM THAT THIS SAUSAGE IS A O K WE HAVE A LINEAPP THAT HIT TONZ OF DINGERZ LAST YEAR A BETTER BULL PAIN A STARTING ROTATE THAT HAS ALL TEH RIBS AND A BENCH WITH WRONGZ ON IT WHICH IS SO GOOD EVEN TOM PETTYS WONT BREAK BACK DOWN
Mike: Jermaine! Jermaine! Dis is ludacris! Think about what you just proposed! Dats almost a 200 million dollar payroll. You think dis Mets team, which doesn’t have the cash, and you think that they, after the whole Madoff thing, you think that they can sign these players?!?! And the average age on this team is like 40 years old!!! Dah defense is gonna stink!!! I mean, come on now, Jermaine, dis is just stoopid tawk. Dis is a bad plan. A bad bad plan. If you think Sandy would ever do something like this YOU ARE ATTA YOUR MIND! I MEAN, COME ON JERMAINE… COME ON! DON’T GO WASTING MY TIME TO DISCUSS THIS SIMPLY PUT IS ONE OF THE DUMBEST IDEAS IVE EVA HEARD IN MY LIFE COME ON JERMAINE DIS HAS GOTTA STAHP I NEED A DIET COKE CUE DA COMMERSHAWLS!!!
(and with this, the transformation of Mike into an Jerome wanna-be is complete. Also, this is a sad attempt to make FX smile. Apologies.)