Fox Noise (Joe Buck hearts Troy Aikman Division) has determined that the Astros would be "wise" to consummate their unseemly "flirtation" with Steve Trachsel.
Flirting with Steve Trachsel, huh? Go figure. First, I'd like to say that I'd prefer not to be exposed to any mental imagery whatsoever that might remotely involve Steve Trachsel and any hint of sexual activity. Thanks. Moving on.
I'm not sure what sort of beer goggles Rosenthal put on prior to penning his analysis, but I imagine they're thicker than the usual Coke bottles.
I mean, just how drunk would you have to be, from a GM needing pitching standpoint, to want to "flirt" with Trax? I'd be on the floor having seizures from alcohol poisoning before I'd ponder that move, especially if the team hopes to compete for anything. I mean, Trax is the pitching equivalent of that last chick in the bar, with smeared lipstick, torn fishnet stockings, a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, and a mug like Willie McGee.
That picture of Trax by itself should be enough to put any suitor off. I mean, just look at that face. It fairly screams, "Urgh! Me well-evolved and erudite modern man! Here come 82 mph "fast" ball. Deal with that, left field bleacher bums!"
Of course, I wish Trax the very best. However, he really ought to pitch in Oakland, if anywhere in the majors, just so he can suck down bottle after bottle of that sweet, sweet, NAPA Valley grape juice, and stay as far the hell away from us as possible.
By the way, if by some wrinkle in the time/space/human intelligence continuum he turns up on the top 50 list I'm afraid I'll have to request my money back from Eric, or at least write a very sternly worded letter to the editor.