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Just Don't Screw It Up

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It's hump day and I've got nothing inspiring to write about. The trade deadline is 33 hours away and the Mets are in prime position to do zilch, leaving them a talented but flawed team duking it out with two other talented but flawed teams for NL East supremacy. The Mets might make a deal, but it almost certainly won't be for Manny Ramirez or anyone resembling Mark Teixeira in talent or cachet.

The past two days I've talked about the Mets areas of need, so go back and check those out if you haven't already. The bottom line is, as always, this: the best ways to improve are by acquiring low-risk, high-reward types, or difference-maker, superstar types. This applies to free agency, offseason acquisitions, and trade deadline transactions. The worst deal is always trading valuable commodities for middling veterans (see: Zambrano, Victor or Bordick, Mike, among others).

Fans will generally forgive trading impact prospects if the return is something great. Just this past offseason the Mets unloaded a makeshift boatload of talent, but they got a big swinging dick (BSD) in return. They also signed some low-risk guys like Fernando Tatis, Claudio Vargas and Tony Armas, who have each helped out to varying degrees.

Not that there are any BSDs out there, but if an Aaron Harang, Roy Halladay, or someone else of that magnitude became available I could forgive Omar Minaya for trading Fernando Martinez or Jon Niese if it meant acquiring a stud pitcher or hitter. If instead he sent Niese to the Mariners for Jarrod Washburn or Arthur Rhodes, well, eff that ess right in its a.

So with all that mind, some trade deadline Mad Libs. The person with the best responses as judged by me will win some secret swag. Each __________ represents one word, which can be optionally hyphenated.

Mad Lib #1: If Omar Minaya trades __________ for __________ I will __________ __________ my __________.

Mad Lib #2: OMF!! __________ for __________? That would be __________ __________!

Mad Lib #3: I wouldn't make any trades. The Mets are __________ __________, and messing with their __________ would only __________ __________ what they __________.