Here is an ode to the totally out of control hot stove. Feel free to add any to my not-that-funny comments.
My Anonymous Source(s)...
...is actually Scott Boras and he's behind on his payments!
...guarantee that Matt Halladay will be a Met in 2010.
...claim that Omar Minaya broke a handshake agreement with Ramon Castro because Ramon gave him the dreaded "dead fish" handshake.
...are familiar with the thinking of people who have knowledge of a league official's inside man.
...say that Fernando Martinez will grow a moustache once he hits puberty.
...routinely misspell Gregg Zaun's first name, but not his last.
...claim that the Mets and Cubs have discussed the framework of a possibility that they might sit down to discuss swapping Luis Castillo and Milton Bradley, but only if certain parameters for preliminary negotiations can first be agreed upon.
...tell us that Scott Boras is so good at his job because he only negotiates in hot, small rooms after eating Chipotle for lunch (with extra beans).
...are outraged (OUTRAGED!) that the biggest fraud in baseball history, Mark McGwire, was hired as Cardinals hitting coach, but are thrilled to see all-around great guy Matt Williams as the new Diamondbacks 1st base coach.
...are trying to find the words to describe Bengie Molina without being too disrespectful.
...just got promoted to head janitor at the Yankees Tampa facility.
...assure us that the Yankees have no interest in signing Mark Teixeira (told to us on 12/23/08)
***UPDATE*** Tex signed with Yankees on 12/24/08
...shot down any chance of Matt Holliday going to the Yankees (told to us on 11/16/09)
***UPDATE*** (Stay tuned)
Ted Berg Twitter Edition
...report that multiple GMs are looking at David Wright this offseason, but only because he's so easy on the eyes.
...just introduced himself to me, thus rendering him pathetically nonymous.
...say the Mets will entertain callers on Jose Reyes, but only because they have a really funny answering machine.
Last, But Not Least, Edition
...are just a figment of my ambitious imagination.