Dickey Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope


Eight coaches and scouts sit around a black conference table. Citi Field security stands guard around the room. Commander Collins, the old, grumpy-looking team manager, is speaking.

COLLINS: Until Wheeler, Harvey and Mejia are fully operational we are vulnerable. The Phillies are too well equipped. They're more dangerous than you realize.

The bitter Admiral Warthen twists nervously in his chair.

WARTHEN: Dangerous to your team, Commander, not to our pitching prospects!

COLLINS: The Phillies will continue to gain a support in the NL East as long as....

Suddenly all heads turn as Commander Collins's speech is cut short and the Grand Moff Alderson, GM of the Mets, enters. He is followed by his powerful ally, The Knuckleball Lord, Darth Dickey. All of the scouts and coaches stand and bow before the tall, handsome-looking GM as he takes his place at the head of the table. Darth Dickey stands behind him.

ALDERSON: The Phillies will no longer be of any concern to us. I've just received word that the Phillies have dissolved their farm system permanently. The last remnants of the Phillies Dynasty have been swept away.

COLLINS: That's impossible! How will the Charlie Manuel maintain control of the NL East without any younger players?

ALDERSON: The three aces are now all they have left. Fear will keep the Phillies organization in line. Fear of our pitching prospects.

COLLINS: And what of their scouts? If the scouts have obtained a complete technical readout of Wheeler, Harvey and Mejia, it is possible, however unlikely, that they might find a weakness and exploit it.

WARTHEN: Any attack made by the Phillies' scouts against out prospects would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained. Wheeler, Harvey and Mejia are now the ultimate power in the farm system. I suggest we use it!

DICKEY: Don't be too proud of this pitching terror you've constructed. The ability to throw +90 mph and develop strong secondary pitches is insignificant next to the power of the Knuckleball.

WARTHEN: Don't try to frighten us with your knuckler's ways, Lord Dickey. Your sad devotion to that ancient pitch has not helped you conjure up a Cy Young Award, or given you clairvoyance enough to bring the Mets a championship!

Suddenly Warthen chokes and starts to turn blue under Dickey's spell.

DICKEY: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

ALDERSON: Enough of this! Dickey, release him!

DICKEY: As you wish.

ALDERSON: This bickering is pointless. Lord Dickey will provide us with ace-caliber pitching until the time Wheeler, Harvey and Mejia are operational. We will then crush the Phillies with one swift stroke.

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