Vol. I: No. 1 | No. 2 | No. 3 | No. 4 | No. 5 | JfM (2011)
Vol. II: No. 6 | No. 7 | No. 8 | No. 9 | No. 10 | ... | JfM (2012)
fxcarden's Nightly Rant! - Vol. I, No. 1 (July, 2011)
Contents:
1. TRAID TEH COAR !!!
1a. let me amend my rant
2. we're fucked.
3. THIS TEAM SUCKS
4. EXACTLY MY POINT
5. TRAID EVERYBODY
6. FUCKING PELFREY
7. FUCK TEH METS
8. THIS IS RIDICULOUS
9. ENOUGH ALREADY
10. WELL HEAR WE GO AGAIN WITH THE SHIT
11. SERIUSLY FUCK THE METS
11.5. How much moar can teh fans take (Sent via BlackBerry)
12. MY GOD
JR. TRAID EVRYON!E
13. I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMOAR
13.5. Practice rant.....
14. OH MY GOD (1)
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1. TRAID TEH COAR !!!
THEY ARE ALWAYS HURT THEY ARE ALL SELFISH THEY CANT HIT OR PLAY DEFENSE BELTRAN IS THE WORST OF THEM PLAYING ON ONLY ONE GOOD LEG AT LEAST WILLIE HARRIS TRIES HARD WHEN COLLEN PUTS HIM IN THE GAME DAVID WRIGHT IS TOO BUSY MILKING A SORE BACK IF HE HAD ANY BALLS HE WOULD BE OUT THERE WITH HIS TEAM MATES TRYING TO MAKE THIS TEAM BETTER INSTEAD HE BROKE IKE DAVID’S LEG AND NOW WE HAVE THIS DUD PLAYING THERE THE PITCHERS ARE A JOKE NOBODY KNOWS HOW TO PITCH THIS GUY THOLE SUCKS SO BAD EVEN BARAJAS IS BETTER THAN HIM SANDY ALDERSON IS A FUCKING RETARD ALWAYS SMILING AND TRYING TO BAMBOOZLE THE FANS THRU THE MEDIA I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE WITH THIS TEAM
1a. let me amend my rant
PELFREY IS A FUCKING MORON
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2. we're fucked.
TRAYD EVERYBODY. THIS TEAM CAN’T WIN AGAINST THE PHILLIES EVEN WHEN THEY DON’T PITCH THEY’RE GOOD ONES. NOBDY CAN GET AN RBI IN A CLUCH SPOT. THE OWNER IS CLUELISS AND THE GM TRAIDED THE ONLY GOOD RELIEAVAR WE HAD. WHAT THE MILWAUKEE BUCKS WIN THE WORLD SERIOUS WITH K-ROD.
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3. THIS TEAM SUCKS
BRIAN CASHMAN KNOWS HOW TO PUT A TEAM TOGETHER AND WIN. TEH YANQUIS WORST PICHAR IS BETTER THAN OUR BEST. THAT IS WHY THE WILPONS WILL BE LOOKING AT EMPTY STADIUM SOON WHILE TEH YANQUIS GO ON TO BE WORLD CHAMPTIONS AGAIN. NOBODY CAN HIT A BALL. NOBODY CAN CATCH A BALL. HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO COMPETE IN THE BIGGEST MARKET.
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4. EXACTLY MY POINT
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS TEAM NOBODY CAN HIT A BALL NOBODY CAN CATCH A BALL THE LEFT FIELDER SUCKS ASS THE CATCHER IS A WASTE OF OXYGEN SOMEONE ELSE COULD USE – THIS RA DICKEY GUY IS A WASHED UP REJECT FROM EVERY OTHER TEAM IN THE LEAGUE WE COULD HAVE HAD LEE BUT NOOOOOOOO THE NEW GM HAD TO GO AND SIGN HIS BUDDIES FROM SAN DIEGO AND WHAT DID THEY GET US NOTHING THATS WHAT EVERYBODY THINKS THIS TEAM WILL COMPETE SOON WELL GUESS WHAT YOU BETTER BE READY TO WAIT 100 YEARS LIKE THE CUBS BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE THIS IS HEADED THE WILPONS HAVE TO BE REPLACED BY COMPETENT OWNERS.
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5. TRAID EVERYBODY
THIS TEAM BLOWS CHUNKS ONE NIGHT THEY WIN AND GET YOUR HOPES UP AND THE NEXT DAY THEY COME OUT AND LAY AN EGG BELTRAN IS AN ASSCLOWN WHO SHOULD BE RELEASED OUTRIGHT PAGAN IS A PIECE OF COW DUNG JUST BECAUSE HE HIT ONE HOMER DONT GET YOU’RE HOPES UP PEOPLE HE IS A SCRUB THIS PITCHER JOHN NIECE IS NO GOOD EITHER CANT EVEN PITCH IN THE HEAT WELL IF YOU CANT TAKE THE HEAT GET OFF MY MOUND AND LET SOMEONE WITH MORE COJONES PITCH THE GAME THIS TEAM IS AN OVERPAID BUNCH OF PAMPERED MILLIONAIRES AND ALDERSON WOULD BE SMART TO GET RID OF THEM ALL STARTING WITH DAVID WRONG BETTER TRAID HIM BEFORE HE BREAKS ANOTHER FINGERNAIL TOMORROW DURING WARMUPS.
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6. FUCKING PELFREY
IS A PIECE OF GARBAGE HE CANT GET ANYBODY OUT AND ALL HE DOES IS LICK HIMSELF AND BALK AND FALL OFF THE MOUND HE NEVER LEARNED HOW TO PITCH AND HE CAME UP UNDER SOME OF THE BEST PITCHING COACHES EVER THIS GUY HAS NO HEART AND HAS NO GUTS I WOULD RATHER HAVE BURNETT AT LEAST HE LOOKS MEAN WITH THOSE TATTOO’S ALL OVER HIS BODY PELFREY LOOKS LIKE ONE OF THOSE CATS THAT HAS NO HAIR HE IS HUNK OF SHIT AND ANOTHER THING HOW DO YOU GUYS LIKE YOUR BOY DAVID WRONG COMING BACK AND ALREADY HAS 2 STRIKEOUTS HE IS WELL ON HIS WAY TO 150 STRIKEOUT IN THE GAMES THAT ARE LEFT
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7. FUCK TEH METS
I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT AS SOON AS DAVID WRONG CAME BACK THEY WOUDL START TO SUCK EVEN THE PITCHERS THAT WE THOUGHT WERE DECENT START TO SUCK AND YOU KNOW WHY BECAUSE DAVID WRONG CANT MAKE A THROW TO FIRST HE CANT HIT A HOMERUN TO SAVE HIS ASS HE CANT EVEN DO THE CLAW RIGHT HE SHOULD TAKE LESSONS FROM HOSE REYAS HE IS THE ONLY GUY ON THIS TEAM THAT WANTS TO WIN AND OF COURSE ONCE WE GIVE UP THE LEAD THERE IS NO WAY WE ARE GETTING IT BACK WITH STUPID WARTHEN TELLING STUPID COLLINS TO BRING IN FUCKING ACOSTA I CANT TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE I AM READY FOR FOOTBALL
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8. THIS IS RIDICULOUS
WHY CANT THIS TEAM BEAT TEH MARLENS I MEAN ITS NOT LIKE TEH MARLENS ARE EVEN A GOOD TEAM MY GOD OMAR AND SANDY WHAT KIND OF TEAM HAVE YOU GUYS PUT TOGETHER FOR THE LONG SUFFERING FANS YOU GIVE US AN ENDLESS PARADE OF SCRUBS YOU GUYS SHOULD BE IMBARASED AND NEVER ALLOWED TO RUN A BASEBALL TEAM AGAIN ONE GUYS SPENDS TOO MUCH ON OLD BROKEN DOWN PLAYERS THE OTHER GUY WONT SPEND MONEY ON GOOD PLAYERS YOU GO OUT AND GIVE US DILAN GEE AND CHRIS YOUNG AND RA DICKEY INSTEAD OF BRINGING CLIFF LEE AND HALLADAY NO WONDER THE PHILLIES ARE RUNNING AWAY WITH THE DIVISION BUT YOU GO AHEAD AND KEEP HANGING ON TO THESE SCRUBS AND TRADING BELTRAN THE ONLY TALENT YOU HAVE IN THE LINEUP AND WE WILL SEE HOW MANY FANS COME TO THE GAMES NEXT YEAR THIS YEAR IS ALREADY A JOKE THE STADIUM IS EMPTY AND THE WILPONS ARE BLEEDING CASH MAYBE THEY WILL BE FORCE TO SELL TO SOMEONE MORE QUALIFIED TO RUN A BUSINESS WHO CARES ABOUT THE FAN
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9. ENOUGH ALREADY
WHAT TEH FUCK IS WRONG WIHT THIS TEAM CAN ANYBODY DRIVE IN A RUN THIS IS
A JOKE I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH SHIT IN MY LIFE THIS LINEUP IS FULL OF HOLES HELLO SANDY OLDERSAN CAN YOU GET SOME HITTERS IN THIS LINEUP WITH SOME SKILL TO HIT THE BALL WHEN MEN GET ON BASE AND WHEN I SAY MEN I MEAN THAT LOSELY BECAUSE DAVID WRONG PLAYS LIKE A GIRL IN FACT I THINK HE POSTS ON GAME THREADS AS WRIGHTGIRLXXXXX BUT THAT IS JUST TO SEE HOW PEOPLE FEEL ABOUT HIM HA HA HA HA ANYWAY IF YOU LOOK ACROSS TOWN THE OTHER TEAM HAS A LOT OF SLUGGERS WHY DONT YOU GIVE CAHSMEN A CALL AND SEE IF YOU GUYS CAN HELP EACH OTHER OUT I MEAN THIS IS LUDACRIS.
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10. WELL HEAR WE GO AGAIN WITH THE SHIT
I HAVE RAN OUT OF WORDS TO DESCRIBE THIS TEAM INAPTUDE ONCE AGAIN EVERYONE IS WORRIED ABOUT IF SANDY IS GOING TO TRAID BELTRAN BUT LOOK AT WHAT IS ON THE FIELD IT DOESNT MATTER IF WE HAVE SIX BELTRAONS BECAUSE THEY WOULD STILL FIND A WAY TO LOSE THESE FUCKING SCRUBS JOHN NIECE IS A NOBODY EVERYBODY SAYS HOW GOOD HE IS BUT REALLY HE IS JUST ANOTHER LOSER HE CANT SEE THE TARGET BECAUSE THE NOSE GETS IN THE WAY AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON THIS MURPHY GUY SO WHAT IF HE CAN HIT A LITTLE BIT HE IS NOT A COMPLETE BALLPLAYER BECAUSE HE CANT CATCH A COLD BUT THEY STILL KEEP PUTTING HIM OUT THERE INSTEAD OF TRYING TO MAKE A TRADE FOR A REAL FIRSTBASEMEN LIKE RON HOWARD FROM THE PHILLYS THERE IS A REASON HE MAKES ALL THAT MONEY AND HIS TEAM IS IN FRIST PLACE AND NOT US
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11. SERIUSLY FUCK THE METS
THEY TRADE BOLTRAN THE BEST HITTER IN THE LINEUP FOR WHAT A SKINNY KID THAT MAY NEVER SEE ONE DAY IN THE MAYOR’S LEAGUE SANDY OLDERSAN YOU ARE AN IDIOT LETTING THE MEDIA DICKTATE WHAT MOVES YOU SHOULD MAKE YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN WILPONS PAWN THE GM OF THE GIANTS TOOK YOU TO THE CLEANERS YOU IDIOT YOU WOULD BE WISE LISTENING TO GUYS LIKE MIKE FRANKCESS BECAUSE THAT GUY HAS BEEN AROUND AND KNOWS ABOUT PLAYERS PLUS HE HAS CONNECTIONS WITH THE OTHER TEAMS I BET YOU THIS WHALER GUY HAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM AND THAT IS WHY THE GIANTS LET HIM GO AND WHILE I AM HERE MIGHT AS WELL TELL YOU GUYS THAT THIS PELFERY GUY IS A FUKCING LOSER AND HE WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING BUT NOOOOOOOO YOU GUYS GO AHEAD AND KEEP DRINKING THE COOLAID AND BELEIVEING ALL THE SHIT THAT THE METS TELL YOU IN THE END THIS TEAM WILL CONTINUE TO LOSE AND BE THE LAUGHING STOCK OF THE LEAGUE JUST LOOK AT JAYSON BAY WHAT A PILE OF CRAP HE TURNED OUT TO BE AND THIS DUDA GUY IS NOTHING MORE THAN ANOTHER VICTOR DIAZ
YES YOU READ IT HERE FIRST
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11.5. How much moar can teh fans take (Sent via BlackBerry)
This team is horrandos hello sandy oldersan can you take a hint and get some players that can play this game the right way I mean leading by 7 runs and you are about to lose the game the other team in town doesn’t have these problems because they are winnars of many champtionshits and they know how to build a team and make they’re fans happy you keep traiding you’re good players mr alderson and we will see you unemployed soon and speaking of that soon this hole country will go to hell in a hand basket who is in charge in DC omar minaya
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12. MY GOD
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE BALLPLAYERS CAN ANYBODY ON THIS TEAM RUN THE BASES THE COACHING STAFF FOR THIS TEAM SUCKS THAT JAPANESE PITCHAR WHAT IS HIS NAME WANG WAS TRYING TO GIVE THE GAME AWAY AND YOU GUYS RAN THE BASES LIKE A BUNCH OF MORANS NO WONDER YOU ARE A 500 TEAM YOU ALL SUCK AT THE FUNDIMENTELS AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON DEFENSE THIS GUY DUDA CANT CATCH A FUCKING COLD AND IS SLOWER THAN MY GRANDMOTHER AND THIS RAYASS GUY WHATS WITH ALL THE ERRORS IF YOU CANT TAKE SOMEONE SLIDING YOU AINT GONNA GET THAT BIG CONTRACT BECAUSE YOU ARE NO DERAK JETTER MISTER YOU GUYS WOULD BE BETTER OFF BEING SENATORS BECAUSE YOU SURE GIVE EVERYBODY THE SHAFT EVERY CHANCE YOU GET I AM SO SICK OF THIS SHIT HELLO HELLO MR OLDERSAN CAN YOU WAKE UP AND SMELL TEH COFY THINGS ARE FALLING APART RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES YOUR PICHARS CANT GO MORE THAN 6 INNINGS BUT YOU
ARE TOO BUSY BEING GM OF THE YEAR AND GIVING INTERVIEWS TO THE RADIO STATIONS ABOUT HOW GREAT YOU ARE MAKING THESE TRADES WELL I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU THIS GUY WELLER YOU GOT HE IS GOING TO BE ANOTHER CASHMERE HE WILL BE GOOD ONLY AFTER YOU TRADE HIM AGAIN TO GET HIM AWAY FROM YOUR PICHERS COACH WHAT IS HIS NAME WARFEN SO YEA YOU KEEP FEEDING THE FANS SHIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS AND ONE MOAR THING THIS BULLPIN YOU HAVE IS TEH WORSE COLLECTIN OF REJECKS I HAVE EVER SEEN NOBODY CAN GET A BATTAR OUT THIS PARNELL GUY SHOULD BE
PICKING UP GARBAGE IN THE BRONX AND THE SAME FOR THE REST OF THEM
JR. TRAID EVRYON!E
THIS TEAM BLOWS LEADS LIKE STARK BLOWS DICKTORINO’S YOU KNOW WHAT!!!!! HOW MENY YEARS DO WE HAV TO WAIT FOR A DECENT LOLPEN. WE WOULD HAVE WON IN 06 AND WON DIVISON IN 07 AND 08 IF WE HAD JUST OOOOOOONNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEE DECENT GUY IN THE PEN. TRAID PARNELL. TRAID THE BYRD. TRAID THE DJ. TRAID THE WHOLE PEN. THEY GOT ONE FRIGGIN JOB. PITCH INNING… GET OUTS…. AND EVERY YEAR THEY SUCK AT IT…. WHERE IS JOHN FRANCO!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE IS OUR PITCHING COACH..!!!?!?!?! CAN HE EVEN SEE WITH THOSE GLASSES!?!?!?!? BRING BACK PETERSON AND HIS JACKET!!! BRING BACK FXCARDEN!!@ AS MANAGER/GM/OWNER. CANNONGEYSER AND ERIC SIMON SAYS CAN BE HIS ASSISTANTS!!!
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13. I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMOAR
THIS DICKY PICHAR IS A PILE OF DOG SHIT EVERYBODY THINKS HE IS GOOD BUT HE IS ANOTHAR SCRUB JUST LIKE TEH REST OF THEM HE CANT EVEN BEAT TEH EXPOS WHO ARE TEH WORSE TEAM EVAR AND THIS DAVID RIGHT GUY WITH TEH WEEK GROUND BALLS TO TEH INFIELD WHEN WE NEED HIM TO HIT A HOMAR HE JUST SUCKS HE CANT MAKE A THROW EITHER AND PAGAN IS ANOTHER REJECK FROM TEH CUBS I MEAN IF YOU ARE A REJECK FROM TEH CUBS YOU NEED TO FIND ANOTHER LINE OF WORK BUDDY AND THIS BAY GUY ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THIS GUY SEND HIM BACK TO ENGLAND OR WHEREVER HE CAME FROM WE NEED TO BRING BACK TEH LATIN PLAYARS BECAUSE AT LEAST THERE WILL BE GOOD MUSIX IN THE CLUBHOUSE THIS GAME WAS OVAR BEFORE IT STARTED WHO IS KIDDING WHO AND YOU GUYS KEEP POSTING PICHERS OF NAKKID WOMENS AND THIS IS ALL A BIG GAME TO YOU WELL I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU THIS IS IMPORTENT TO PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO CARE ABOUT WINNING CHAMPTIONSHITS AND HAVE BEEN SUFFERING FOR DECADES WATCHING THIS BUNCH OF RETERDS PLAY BASEBALL SOMEBODY NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING SOON OR THE LAST FANS WILL WALK AWAY LIKE AN EGYPTIN.
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13.5. Practice rant.....
DANIAL MURPHY IS A RETURD I MEAN HOW DO YOU MAKE OUT LIKE THAT OF COURSE IF JOHN NIECE COULD RUN AT ALL IT WOULD NOT HAPPEN BUT OUR BASE RUNNERS ARE IDIOTS IT IS ALWAYS SOMETHING IF NOT PAGAN THEN MURPHY IF NOT MURPHY THEN HARRIS IF NOT….WHATEVER….
14. OH MY GOD (1)
DANIAL MURPHY IS A RETURD I MEAN HOW DO YOU MAKE OUT LIKE THAT OF COURSE IF JOHN NIECE COULD RUN AT ALL IT WOULD NOT HAPPEN BUT OUR BASE RUNNERS ARE IDIOTS IT IS ALWAYS SOMETHING IF NOT PAGAN THEN MURPHY IF NOT MURPHY THEN HARRIS AND SPEAKING OF HARRIS WHAT A MORAN HE CANT EVEN BUNT THE BALL MAYBE YOU SHOULD STAY IN WASHINGTON AND BE WITH THE NATINALS BECAUSE YOU ARE A GOOD FIT FOR THEM AND I WANT FRONT SEATS FOR WHEN DAVEY JOHNSON STICKS A BROOM UP YOUR ASS WHEN YOU FAIL YOU FUCKING PILE OF DONKEY SHIT BECAUSE
DVAY JONHSON KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE GAME THE RIGHT WAY HE HAS A CHAMPTIONSHIT WITH THE METS EVEN AND HE COACHED THE US TEAM WHICH IS A HIGH PRIVILEGE THESE DAYS BECAUSE THERE ARENT MANY REAL AMERICANS LEFT I MEAN EVEN THIS THREAD IS FULL OF INMIGRANTS DID YOU KNOW THAT BOBBYV_INGONITO IS NOT EVEN 100% AMERICAN HE SAID SO HIMSELF I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY WETBACK BUT I CAN SEE I AM NOT ALONE WE ARE EVERYWHERE LIKE THOSE COCKROACHES THAT AL PACINO WANTED TO KILL IN SCARFACE DID YOU KNOW THAT HE PLAYED A CUBAN INMIGRANT LITTLE
DID THE WINNER OF THE DICKEYFACE CONTEST KNOW WHAT HE WAS MAKING FUN OF DICKEYFACE + CUBAN CHARACTER IS A RECIPE FOR WIN BUT ANYWAY BACK TO BASEBALL YEAH THIS TEAM ISNT GOING ANYWHERE PLAYING LIKE THIS IT IS LIKE THEY ARE EXPECTING TO BE TRAIDED WHICH THEY SHOULD HELLO HELLO SANDY OLDERSAN THE TRAIDING DEADLINE IS TODAY AT 4:00 PM THERE IS STILL TIME TO TRAID THE CORE FOR SOME PICHARS BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE GOOD PICHARS YOU CAN WIN A LOT OF GAMES AND IF YOU WIN MOAR GAMES YOU CAN FINISH IN FRIST PLACE WHICH IS WHAT WINNARS DO JUST LOOK AT THE YANKEES THEY ALWAYS FINISH FIRST AND LOOK HOW MUCH MONAY THEY MAKE TO PLAY THEY’RE PLAYARS BUT IT ALL STARTS WITH HAVING GOOD PICHARS I MEAN WHY DO YOU KEEP DAVID RIGHT HE IS ONLY A 3B AND THOSE ARE A DIIME A DOZAN I COULD SEE KEEPING JOSAY RAYASS BECAUSE HE RUNS FAST BUT DAVID RIGHT HAS A BROKEN BACK WHO WANTS A GUY WITH A BROKEN BACK GET SOMEONE ELSE FOR CHEAPER AND USE THE MONAY TO SGIN SOME GOOD PICHARS LIKE THIS KID VONLANDAR FROM DETROIT BUT THE CLOCK IS MOVING MR OLDERSAN AND THERE ISNT MUCH TIME LEFT IF YOU WANT TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS THIS YEAR YOU NEED GOOD PICHARS BUT ALSO YOU SHOULD LOOK INTO TRAIDING THIS GUY DUDA AND SEE IF YOU CAN GET BACK FRANCURE BECAUSE HE WAS GOOD FOR US AND HE IS BETTER THAN DUDA AND
EVEN BETTER THAN PAGAN WHO ALWAYS LEAVES A VILLAGE ON BASE LOOKING AT STRIKE 3 AND BAY SWINGING AT SHIT FUCK THIS SHIT I AM GOING TO EAT A BURRITO
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Continue to... fxcarden's Nightly Rant! - Vol. I, No. 2 (August, 2011) »
Vol. I: No. 1 | No. 2 | No. 3 | No. 4 | No. 5 | JfM (2011)
Vol. II: No. 6 | No. 7 | No. 8 | No. 9 | No. 10 | ... | JfM (2012)
