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Things I would rather do than watch Daisuke Matsuzaka pitch

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Sandy Alderson, please end the painful-to-watch Dice-K experiment.

Not the greatest #16 in Mets history
Not the greatest #16 in Mets history
Mike Stobe

On behalf of Mets fans, I plead with Sandy Alderson to end the Daisuke Matsuzaka experiment. Between the nibbling around the plate, the walks, and the excessive time taken between pitches, watching him pitch is a trying task. Start someone, anyone, in his place, so fans are no longer subjected to the excruciating Dice-K experience.

Last night, SNY had some fun with Dice-K's pace by featuring a timer to measure the seconds that passed in between his pitches:

Dicektimer_medium

That's how a nine-inning game lasts 3 hours, 32 minutes. SNY also provided a graphic of the slowest-working pitchers in recent seasons:

Dicekspeeditupplease_medium

He has needed 194 pitches to make it through just 9.1 innings pitched with the Mets. Woof. These are a few of the things I would rather do than watch Daisuke Matsuzaka pitch:

  • Attend a lecture given by Jeff Wilpon entitled "How to succeed in business: Advice from a self-made entrepeneur"
  • Be shown the Bronx by Bobby Bonilla.
  • Take the 7 Train local from Times Square to Citi Field during the U.S. Open in 100-degree weather.
  • Pop Mike Piazza's back pimples.
  • Be given the A Clockwork Orange treatment, forced to watch painful Mets moments from recent seasons:

    Clockworkyadierheilman_medium

    Clockworkdavidwrightmattcain_medium

    Clockworkoliverperez_medium

  • Get berated by Terry Collins after showing up "late" to spring training.
  • Tweeze Josh Satin's eyebrows.
  • Catch a ride home from the bar from Mets bullpen catcher Eric Langill.
  • Invest 100% of my 401(k) in the new Wilpon mutual fund "Citi Field Attendance Index Fund"
  • Eat an entire McFadden's Citi Field Sampler Platter and wash it down with three neon-blue test tube shots.
  • Be told to turn my head and cough during a physical exam with Mets head trainer Ray Ramirez.
  • Watch Mets games featuring a broadcast team of Michael Kay, John Sterling, and Suzyn Waldman.
  • Participate in an eating contest to the death against Mo Vaughn.
  • Watch Steve Trachsel pitch.