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2014 Mets shortstop options, ranked

Yes, this should really be a fanshot.

David Richard-USA TODAY Sports

1. Troy Tulowitzki for Ike, Edgin, Kirk, and that kid with the nice hair. I'll hang up and listen.

2. 1999 Rey Ordonez

3. Wilmer Flores with robot legs

4. Didi Gregorious dressed as Batman

5. Elvis Andrus and his nine-figure contract

6. Chris Owings, playing his home games in Aces Ballpark

7. Chris Owings, playing his home games in Citi Field after Dave Hudgens asks him if he ever considered trying to take a walk.

(tie) 8. Didi Gregorious dressed in a regulation baseball uniform

(tie) 8. Didi Gregorious dressed in Ruben Tejada's uniform (shhhhhh)

9. Alex Rodriguez wearing Bobby V's fake mustache and glasses.

10. Barbaro Erisbel Arruebarr(u)ena (not giving up)

11. Jimmy Rollins after Ryne Sandberg benches him for not shaving his sideburns.

12. 2014 Rey Ordonez

13. Juan Lagares (he came up as a shortstop, dontcha know?)

14. Nick Franklin

15. Wilfredo Tovar, a year's supply of those horse steroids the Road Warriors took in the 1980s, and a whizzinator.

16. Wilmer Flores with Wilmer Flores' legs

17. Ruben Tejada

18. Derek Eater

19. Wilmer Flores with no legs

20. Dee Gordon