Mets on the menu: a look at the more delicious side of the Mets' roster

Welcome to the Mets Restaurant, home of the National Dinner Plate Champions! Here at our restaurant, we feature a number of fine dishes that cater to the varied palates of today's human being sports fan. We'd like to share with you our menu and hope you'll enjoy your experience dining here!

Appetizers

Lucas Gouda

Sometimes overlooked in comparison to more well-known cheeses, the Lucas Gouda is perfectly fine as a snack or goes well on a sandwich. We would say it's a good cheese and people seem to like the Smoked Lucas Gouda the best, though they often find it a bit frustrating when it's cold.

Steven Matzah Ball

It can be easy to pass over the Steven Matzah Ball by just looking at it but despite its plain exterior, it's at its best when it's in a bowl of hot soup. Despite worries about it getting injured easily by spoons, the Steven Matzah Ball is quite durable. Other ingredients may be added to the soup but they aren't necessary. You can typically find the Steven Matzah Ball on Long Island.

Entrees

Veal Walker

A main dish that is a brand new addition to the menu, the Veal Walker does a lot well and will adequately fill you up. We'll admit that it's not going to wow you but you'll be quite pleased by the total package after you've eaten it. You'd better hurry up, though: it's only on the menu through October 2016.

Ruben Tostada

It feels like the Ruben Tostada has been on our menu forever but we promise you, it hasn't. We remember some of our customers five or six years ago had high hopes for the Ruben Tostada only to be left disappointed, hoping it would be better. There's no doubt that it can be hit or miss at times but it is what it is, a perfectly useful if unspectacular entree. It also has become suprisingly more popular of late after its pairing with our terrible Chase Chutney. Bon appetit!

Bartolo Calzone

Ah, the Bartolo Calzone! It's an old standby for so many and they keep coming back for more. It's not the most aesthetically pleasing dish we offer on our menu but it's quite filling and is bound to leave a smile on your face, probably because it's so large and filled to the brim with goodness.

Haggis d'Arnaud

It's hard to find anything like the Haggis d'Arnaud in this area but we're lucky enough to have it on our menu! It seems to go well when paired with our secret, off-menu Kevin Slawecki. You can even get a little adventurous and try it with the Lucas Gouda!

Desserts

Astrudel Cabrera

A brand new dessert offering on the menu, the Astrudel Cabrera pairs well with the Veal Walker. It may not have the range of other desserts since it's just flaky cake and apples but it will make up for that with a powerful taste. We even suggest you try the Astrudel Cabrera first and then follow it up with a Ruben Tostada late in your visit to the restaurant.

Michael Confroyo

For those of you with a sweet tooth, our Michael Confroyo will surely hit the spot. You can choose from a number of toppings such as M&M's, Peanut Butter Cups, Oreo's, Dingers, Chocolate Chips, Walks, Butterfinger pieces, Doubles, and many more. It hasn't been on the menu for long but it's quickly become one of our best items.

Flan Lagares

Most popular two years ago, our Flan Lagares recipe has suffered over the past year as our pastry chef started filling it up with too much cream. We found that this was a turn off to our customers as it didn't allow enough of the taste to reach their taste buds! Not to worry, though, we fired that guy's ass and picked up a new chef who's making the Flan Lagares about 20 grams lighter now.

Cherry Collins

Looking for a healthy dessert? Our Cherry Collins is a great fit for you. It's a Maraschino Cherry, sweetened and preserved for 40 years. Eating one is said to be the experience of a lifetime. Just be careful not to bite into the stinkin' pit in the center!