One of our favorite annual traditions during spring training is MLB picture day! At some point during camp, the virtual Amazin’ Avenue offices receive a ton of baseball player photos that we are allowed to use throughout the season with impunity. It’s a great day, mainly because it results in our photo editor looking like the opening credits of The Brady Bunch:
While it’s always interesting to look through photos of current Mets players, it’s even better to see how former Mets look in their new duds! So we decided to look around and scrape up a select group of semi-recent or notable ex-Mets who are in new places and wearing new uniforms this winter. Why, you may ask us? Well, why not? This website is free.
We begin with Bobby Parnell, who’s in camp on a minor league deal with the Royals. In his yearly pictures, Bobby Parnell almost always looks one of two ways: like he’s pissed off or like he’s trying to act like he’s not pissed off but really is pissed off. That trend doesn’t change this year, though after giving up 13 runs and 11 hits in 6 innings this spring, he might actually just be pissed off.
Did you all know that Dillon Gee is in camp with the Texas Rangers? We had no clue. It makes sense given Texas’s bizarre on-and-off infatuation with him a few years ago (remember the nonsensical Gee for Jurickson Profar rumor?). Anyway, whoever was taking the pictures in Texas camp decided to give Dillon his very own photo shoot, which we’ve documented below for posterity. “Work it, Dillon. WORK IT! You’re the best 6th starter/long reliever in Texas camp. Hold that glove tight, baby!”
Hey look, R.A. Dickey is back in the division with the Braves and we have to share this great picture of him:
Oh whoops, sorry. That was from an old batch that we totally didn’t mean to share here, our bad. We’re trying to delete it, this is really embarrassing!
We are pretty excited to get to see the Dickeyface on a regular basis once again. Right now, it looks more like Dickey may have starred in the latest season of Survivor this past offseason with that scraggly, greying beard of his. By the way, how the hell is Survivor still on TV in 2017? We got bored of that show in 2000, are we really going to have like 50 years of Survivor some...okay, deep breaths. We’ll stop rambling. R.A. Dickey looks old and it’s making us sad!
Sorry, folks. You knew this one was coming but our pride and joy, Bartolo Colon, is in a new uniform. We just have to get used to it, accept it even, at least for a few months until the Braves almost certainly trade him back to the Mets when they’re in desperate need of healthy starting pitching. Probably in a deal for Chris Flexen, if we’re wagering on it today (please send me lots of money if I’m right about this prediction, I’m on Venmo. Am I allowed to say that? Don’t ban me, SB Nation).
Carlos Beltran long ago reached mercenary-for-hire status and he’s been in so many different uniforms over the past five years that he’s doing reruns. This isn’t technically repeating a uniform, since the Astros changed theirs from when he was in Houston in 2004. We’re always rooting for Carlos, just as long as he doesn’t play well or long enough in Houston to go into the Hall of Fame in an Astros cap. He’s going in as a Met, dammit. And his plaque will have the mole on it, which if you haven’t noticed has mysteriously disappeared from his head.
He’s now 27 years old, he’s now a Yankee, and yet we’re pretty sure Ruben Tejada still hasn’t hit puberty. Could you actually imagine “Muscles” sporting a mustache? We couldn’t. But that’s okay, maybe Ruben has found the fountain of youth. Where is it, Ruben? Tell us now, stop hiding it from us. Despite his holding out vital fountain of youth information from the world, it appears Ruben may actually have a shot at opening the season as the Yankees’ starting shortstop with Didi Gregorius out for a month. What a wild, strange world we live in.
Do you recognize this guy? Do you? You might not because he’s in disguise.
How about now? Ah, that’s former Mets reliever Tyler Clippard, of course! And those are definitely his trademark goggles, in real life. We definitely did not draw them in using MS Paint, no siree Bob! Why would we do that? Folks, that would be silly. Okay, no more questions about the goggles. Stop asking us.
Ha, now here’s an even stranger one. A fully clean-shaven Jon Niese wearing pinstripes and smiling like a goon. Let’s take a little closer look. GO GO AA ZOOM!
Oh hell yes. We’re huge fans of this because it means Jon Niese is not sporting a Mets uniform anymore. Saying “no offense” to that would be a lie, there’s a little offense to be taken here (fine, a lot of offense). But we won’t gloat about Jon being released by the Yankees on Sunday. Best wishes going forward, Jon! Please don’t come back to the Mets again, though.
Ah, here’s another fun one!
It’s everybody’s favorite replacement level, totally consistent, contact-making, .300-hitting gold glover who’s never actually hit .300 or won a Gold Glove first baseman James Loney! Is that nickname too long? EFRLTCCM3HGGWNAH3OWAGG1B James Loney. We think it rolls off the tongue quite nicely. Anyway, he’s in Texas now (Round Rock soon?) and he’s got a sign to share:
こんにちはエリックキャンベル！We hope Google Translate is correct. It’s Miso Soup himself Eric Campbell sporting his brand new Hanshin Tigers garb! We’re going to miss the constant groundballs to third base and shortstop, the wild flailing at any decent major league breaking ball, the preternatural ability to hit low line drives right at the gloves of defenders, and most importantly: the exit velocity. Konichiwa, Soup. Here’s hoping you find the success in Japan that the Mets calculators thought you would have here.
Finally, it’s not a “new” uniform but we get to the guy who decided to make the Mets his personal bitch for all of 2016. That’s right, it’s our old buddy Daniel Murphy. We could go with a picture of Murph in a Nationals jersey but we’re very cognizant of our readers’ feelings and want to keep you from vomiting all over your keyboards. You’re welcome.
Instead, we share this gem we found of Murph in the dugout this spring busting a gut laughing with (at?) Lucas Duda, the Good first baseman of the Mets. Enjoy it!
*All photos (except for the Campbell picture and the Dickeyface picture) were taken by USA Today Sports.
**The Dickeyface picture is courtesy of Green Man Productions, a company that doesn’t exist yet but will still sue you.
***The Campbell picture is via Getty Images and we are forever thankful to fellow AA writer Milo Taibi for sharing it with us.
****Tyler Clippard’s goggles were drawn in with MS Paint. Deal with it.