It’s only June but it looks like it might be time for the Mets to pack it in. They’re double digit games out of the division and wild card races, their pitching has been horrific, the defense on the infield is a mess, and it’s going to take nothing short of a miracle for them to hop back into a race. With this in mind and a gaping hole developing at shortstop, the Mets would be best served getting top prospect Amed Rosario’s feet wet in the majors to help prepare him for a starting job in 2018, right?
Didn’t see that one coming, did you? Even though I’ve spent much of the past month campaigning on Twitter for Rosario’s promotion to the majors, I’ve had something of an epiphany. Maybe there are legitimate reasons why the Mets are holding off on promoting their top prospect. After I took some time to ponder the topic, I came up with a few potential reasons why Rosario is still in Triple-A and I figured I’d share them with you. Now keep in mind, these are merely assumptions on my part but I was surprised by, in my estimation, just how completely bulletproof they are.
Reason #1: New York City could be dangerous
New York City is huge. There are five boroughs and there’s a subway that connects 4 of them (sorry, Staten Island). Aside from spending a summer in Brooklyn with the Cyclones 3 years ago, Amed Rosario has never lived in New York. What if he gets on the subway one day and disappears, never to be heard from again? What would the Mets do at shortstop then? It could happen, too. You hop onto the subway, maybe you fall asleep for a little while, and you end up in any one of those boroughs (again, except for Staten Island). What if he runs out of money on his Metrocard? And on top of that, maybe he forgets his wallet and his cell phone. And then he can’t find a pay phone because those don’t exist! The Mets would be totally screwed.
There are also natural risks to living in the city. Did you know that there’s a 1 in 46,000 chance of falling through a subway grate? I learned that fact watching the 2004 feature film “Along Came Polly” starring Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston and a number like that has got to be true. There’s also the chance that an air conditioner falls out of a window onto his head, or a manhole cover explodes, or he could just get run over by one of the city’s many hansom cabs.
New York City is not just a big city but a very dangerous one, so the Mets would clearly be better off waiting to promote Rosario just to keep him safe.
Reason #2: Amed’s never had a hit in the major leagues
Look, it’s very simple: Amed Rosario is a .000/.000/.000 hitter in the majors leagues. He’s currently on pace to never get a hit in the major leagues for the rest of his life. How do we know he’ll ever get a hit? It’s impossible to tell. What if the Mets promote him to the majors and he hits .000 for the rest of eternity. That would be terrible for his confidence. With this in mind, the Mets would do well to protect that confidence and not promote him to the majors until he’s not hitting .000 in the majors. Seems pretty simple and logical to me.
On the plus side, Amed’s never had an error in the majors either. But as Mets fans, we all know that defense doesn’t actually matter. The only thing that matters is that Amed Rosario can’t pitch. Right, Sandy?
Reason #3: Amed’s fashion sense might make the rest of the team look bad
Did you see Ken Davidoff’s New York Post article about Amed’s sense of fashion? Maybe you’ve peeped his photos on Instagram. The dude knows how to dress up and that might be an issue. Now I know the Mets already have a few flashy dressers on the roster but let’s face it, the Mets also once had a player proudly wear this:
With the above as evidence, Amed would clearly become one of the team’s flashiest dressers upon his arrival and that could create problems in the clubhouse. He might cause Lucas’s confidence to crash. Or what if, while trying to out-dress Amed, Yoenis Cespedes puts on a few more chains? The extra weight from those chains could weigh him down and cause him to reinjure his hamstring while walking down the street. That would be a silly and completely avoidable injury. You just never know how these things will work out.
So until Amed dresses in a less flashy manner, the Mets should probably keep him in the minor leagues just to keep Lucas somewhat confident and to keep Yo extra safe. I told you, these are all bulletproof reasons.
Reason #4: He could miss a game because he’s busy tweeting
Twitter is serious business and Amed has made a name for himself on there among Mets fans. It’s nice to see baseball players showcase their personality and interact online with fans but could this become a negative? What if Amed, while conducting a Q&A on Twitter out of the goodness of his heart, gets so many questions that he ends up missing a game? What would the Mets do if he didn’t show up because he was tweeting?
The Mets would probably be pretty upset if that happened. Until they checked Twitter, they might even think that he got lost in another borough after falling asleep on the subway. Ultimately, tweeting and interacting with fans is a good thing but how do we know Amed wouldn’t miss a game because he’s kindly and somewhat robotically replying to fans? Until we get this answer, the Mets should keep him in the minor leagues. Just in case.
Reason #5: Jose Reyes is killing it
Okay, this one is still far too outlandish for even me to consider arguing. You know what? Enough with Jose Reyes and forget these reasons –– what the hell are the Mets doing? It’s time to call him up. Get Amed up here and let him play ball.